SHE WANTS A CHILD, I DONT!

[Bteng83]

Hi,

Straight to the point..we are 38&36. I have a 14yo she has a 6yo. We have been together 3 years.

She really wants a child, I 100% don't. She works with babies in her job.

Early this year She fell pregnant by accident, she lots the child at 12 weeks.

She works with babies at work and its affecting her work and mental health. There are other areas she can work but she says they are short staffed an keep her there. (Nhs)

We love each other, I have said that I'm not the one for her if she does want another child, and I would never stop her in her decision to leave me to fulfil that desire. Although I would rather have her with me.
Please any advice ? It's a big issue between us.

Sorry for the brief description. Thankyou

I've just read someone say "I'm guessing you were relieved when your partner miscarried." It's absolutely astonishing how SOME men get treated on this forum.

Yes, that was me. What’s your issue @BoredatHome321?
He said he 100% did not want a baby. Why would he not have been relieved? It’s not a criticism, it’s an observation that if his partner was hoping that he’d come round to the idea then that has already been tested and he has not.

Get a vasectomy.

Why haven't you already? Because you want to drag her along?

Get the snip and see if she stays or goes. Either may you have the matter settled.

Get a vasectomy and stop having unprotected sex. Apart from anything else it makes it clear that you absolutely won't change your mind in the future.

However this may be the end of your relationship and that is something better done sooner than later.

Xpost :)

@GoodnightGrandma

If you don’t want kids why haven’t you had a vasectomy ?

I was just about to make this point. You 100% don't want kids, have the snip. Put her out of her misery with the hope of another "accident" so you can both move on.

You need to take complete responsibility for contraception

She didn't just fall pregnant on her own. Go and get the snip if you don't want any more children.

You’ve basically ruined her chance of having another baby. And you claim to love her? That isn’t love

Oh please. Give me a break.

@DifferentHair

Get a vasectomy.

Why haven't you already? Because you want to drag her along?

Get the snip and see if she stays or goes. Either may you have the matter settled.

Because he doesn't want to take the risk of permanent pain? His body, his choice.

Accident? This isn't the stone age. Children don't have to be accidents anymore...

Do everything in your power to make sure there are no more accidents. Control what you can control without controlling your partner. I.e. make sure your contraception level is high I.e. snip and condom.

You can't force her to take the pill or ensure she takes it if that is your question.

Keep talking about it but ultimately one of you will have to give in and there will be resentment. Either for the eventual breakup, the grief for the child that could have been or the child you didn't want. Which of these scenarios do you think you can manage? Breakup seems easiest to me if she is that keen on another child. Up to you to determine how determined she is to have another child.

I assumed OP is male because of the SHOUTING.

Agree with pp, just end it. You are being irresponsible and callous.

@YouJustFoldItIn

You’ve basically ruined her chance of having another baby. And you claim to love her? That isn’t love

Oh please. Give me a break.

Quite. Sounds like OP has been honest throughout.

Don't get a surgery no matter how small just to see if it make partner leave or not. Fucks sake women, what's wrong with half of you 🙄! As if you all are getting sterilised when you don't want any more kids fgs.
Just take charge of the contraception, OP.

Why is everyone assuming he's having unprotected sex? He hasn't said he hasn't. He could well be using a condom and it failed last time or she could of lied about taking the pill etc.

@SoupDragon agreed.

Likewise-

His sperm, his responsibility.

His own family planning, his responsibility.

If he wants no more children, then he needs to stop 'accidentally' conceiving them.

@beastlyslumber

I assumed OP is male because of the SHOUTING.

Agree with pp, just end it. You are being irresponsible and callous.

How is he belong irresponsible or callous? He has been very clear he doesn't want another child and is happy with the relationship as it is. She is the one who is not happy - is she being manipulative in trying to guilt trip him into another child (which is based on as much fact as your statement).

Honestly, the "it's the man's fault" stuff is so tiresome.

Christ on a bike, this thread.

I disagree he’s being selfish. She may decide she would rather stay with him and not have a baby than end a relationship in the hope of finding someone who does want one. It’s her decision to make. He is happy with the current set up.

If he wants no more children, then he needs to stop 'accidentally' conceiving them.

And if she wants another child she needs to stop being in a relationship with someone who has been very clear that he does not want one.

@Wazzzzzzzup

Don't get a surgery no matter how small just to see if it make partner leave or not. Fucks sake women, what's wrong with half of you 🙄! As if you all are getting sterilised when you don't want any more kids fgs. Just take charge of the contraception, OP.

Exactly this. ^

It's sad how many people are making out like this woman is incapable of making a decision and that OP holds all the cards. He hasn't strung her along, he has said he doesn't want anymore children, you can't be any clearer than that. If she chooses not to believe OP, then that's her choice and decision to waste her own time. If she absolutely wants another child, she also had the ability to leave, as OP has said to her. She doesn't need him to make decisions for her. In this situation, my partner getting a vasectomy without even discussing it with me would very much be a big "you can't be trusted so I had to do this", in my face. I would rather stay with him and the children we have than have another child without him, so leaving me would also be a huge slap in the face.

It's a big issue between us. OP doesn't seem happy with current set up.

@GoodnightGrandma

If you don’t want kids why haven’t you had a vasectomy ?

I don’t want any more kids, would you accusingly ask me why I’ve not had my tubes tied?

@SoupDragon

If he wants no more children, then he needs to stop 'accidentally' conceiving them.

And if she wants another child she needs to stop being in a relationship with someone who has been very clear that he does not want one.

But he hasn't had a vasectomy leaving the option open.

His sperm, his responsibility. He doesn't get to dictate both no children and require the women in his life to adapt their own bodies.

Cancel wait to see you all on threads where women had accidental pregnancy telling them off for not getting sterilised if they didn't want more!

Hypocrites

Are we really advocating a world in which men need to decide for themselves what will be best for women and take steps to achieve that?
Sadly a growing number of women seem to be advocating being a le to decide everything on behalf of both when it suits them but complete vulnerability when it also suits them.

Must admit Im quite glad my dh didnt leave me when I desperately wanted a third and he didnt. I did resent him for a while, and then I got over it. These days I think it was the right decision.