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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that daughter wont be able to go clubbing due to tightening of age checks

240 replies

Carolinethe · 15/10/2021 14:08

My DD is one of the youngest in her year -August baby- and so has only just turned 17.

She has several friends who are turning 18 shortly and one has already mentioned going to nightclubs etc. She gors to the pub with friends and I gather has been served alcohol before now but I dont like to probe too much.

My perception is that licensing requirements have been tightened up so its much harder to get in if you are under 18 these days. I dont want to tell her to try and blag it and have the embarassment of being turned away by a bouncer for not being old enough when all her friends will have got in. So realisticall is she fated to not going clubbing until until next year when probably the attraction will have worn off/ everyone will be going away?

In my day we were attending clubs from about 15 onwards and I had various forms of ID stating fale birthdates to make us 18+ for when we were asked. I believe now this has been clamped down on so that id is only available with proof of birthday etc so no chance of faking it.

what do others do? Or is it out of reach for her?

OP posts:
worriedatthemoment · 15/10/2021 23:30

Yeo much tighter my ds is a august baby and one of the last of his friends to turn 18 so couldn't drink etc with them ( hes making up for it now )

silkience · 15/10/2021 23:36

@Sweettea1 maybe I didn't phrase it well, I don't mean that you deliberately want them to miss out, but every generation perceives the risks are greater now, but actually it is not the risk that has increased, it is their awareness of it

Sweettea1 · 15/10/2021 23:38

@silkience

Times have changed and yes I sneaked off clubbing at 16/17 but bk then there weren't knife/gun crimes everyweek can't even look at some1 these days without a argument/fight

@Sweettea1 sorry but this is nonsense, times haven't changed, YOU have changed. Risk was always there, in different forms but still there, especially for young women! You were no safer then, just blissfully unaware. Now you (and many other posters) want young people to do without the choices and experiences you had.

And off course times have changed and very much so. We hear off people being shot dead now on a fortnightly basis 5/10 years ago that would of been a complete shock now it doesn't even surprise you.
TheMoth · 16/10/2021 00:13

Does this mean clubs are just for grown ups now?

I live near a big city and kids just don't tend to go out before 18 anymore. It's all about parties. They don't miss it, cos it's never been a thing for then. Whereas for us, we'd see older siblings doing it and we wanted in.

TatianaBis · 16/10/2021 00:19

@silkience

Times have changed and yes I sneaked off clubbing at 16/17 but bk then there weren't knife/gun crimes everyweek can't even look at some1 these days without a argument/fight

@Sweettea1 sorry but this is nonsense, times haven't changed, YOU have changed. Risk was always there, in different forms but still there, especially for young women! You were no safer then, just blissfully unaware. Now you (and many other posters) want young people to do without the choices and experiences you had.

Sorry but knife and gun crime in London has increased exponentially since I was a teen in the 80s.

I wasn’t ‘blissfully unaware’, I was safety conscious and streetwise.

Back in the 80s central London was very quiet after 11pm when all the pubs shut, only a few bars had late licences, that was the point you went to a club.

We had the sense not to go to the rough downmarket pubs or clubs where fights would break out.

GrandTheftWalrus · 16/10/2021 00:29

I turned 18 in 2002, so my dob had 1984 in it, when asked my dob by bouncers I would just say the exact same date but with 1983 at the end. So they would ask star sign and because I was only changing one digit I would answer correctly and get in.

However now I am a door supervisor (bouncers are long gone) I would be asking everyone I thought even looked young for id. The checking of fb proves nothing as is evident on the thread by people saying they change the name.

I saw someone on a security page mention check the phones settings as there is a bit in there that shows the name apparently.

There is also a way of checking a provisional is fake. I'm unsure if any clubs/pubs in Scotland have the scanners as I don't work them and never get asked for id anymore apart from amazon deliveries.

silkience · 16/10/2021 00:29

Mumsnet is very london focused. Gun crime is not a significant issue in the majority of the U.K., knife crime has not increased in other areas since the 1980s broadly speaking.

Murder rates of 16-24s are not increasing, they are reducing. We have more cctv coverage now than anywhere else in Europe. Especially around large licensed premises

When I used to go clubbing door staff were unregulated thugs looking for a chance to beat men up for fun or sexually assault drunk women. Sad but true, not the case now happily

The nature of risk may have changed but the risk to young people of loss of life or serious harm has it increased

spotcheck · 16/10/2021 00:36

I'm amazed at the people who feel it's absolutely fine for their kids to go clubbing while underaged.

And
but I dont like to probe too much

Why on earth not??

TatianaBis · 16/10/2021 00:40

I don’t think MN is particularly London focused, but I grew up in London so obviously my comments on the past are based on that.

There are high crime rates in many other inner cities. Approx 15 years ago Nottingham was the murder capital of the UK, but has since decreased. At the time other cities - Manchester, Leeds, Bradford etc also topped the crime tables.

It’s not just knife crime at issue - in the 80s there were no date rape drugs, and class A drugs, while prevalent and easy to get hold of, are even easier now.

I never had trouble from doorman. They were on a bit of a power trip but that was all.

TatianaBis · 16/10/2021 00:45

I'm amazed at the people who feel it's absolutely fine for their kids to go clubbing while underaged.

It’s ok to be geeky, not everyone is though.

Clubbing is really for teens and early 20somethings. After that it’s just annoying not being able to hear anyone speak.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 00:46

@ManAlive24

Not sure why you're so keen for your daughter to go clubbing, tbh...
Because it's fun, perhaps? I know we are all meant to be offended by things like nightclubs but her DD is 17 not 11.

Depends where you are anyway - I was clubbing at 16 no problem round these parts but I don't think it's as easy these days. Some places don't give a crap though

GrandTheftWalrus · 16/10/2021 01:02

Doormen all need to be regulated by the SIA now, obviously bad ones can get through but the majority are helpful etc.

Gone are the days of heavy handed thugs.

Twofurrycatsagain · 16/10/2021 01:12

I had no idea it was so strict now.
My generation didn't really have photo ID (paper driving licence only) so nobody asked.
I was perplexed in lockdown when I'd to take my mask off in the co op to buy wine and even more so in B and Q. Turns out what I call a wallpaper scraper is classed as a knife.

Siameasy · 16/10/2021 08:22

I still go clubbing now and it was worse in the 90s yet people are so scared now. So often there was a fight on the dance floor. They’re quite strict now about not letting drunks in , not serving drunks. I never got turned away from anywhere for being too drunk until I was in my mid 30s. I was often wasted. You don’t get cheap drinks any more. Do you still get snakebite and black?! Alcopops ?!

LifeIsTricky · 16/10/2021 10:51

I''m late 20's and got turned away from a bar the other day, not even a club, because I didn't have ID.

CatsArePeople · 16/10/2021 11:30

This thread is so weird. So many parents willing for their kids to break the law because... it's fun?

Do you feel the same about underage sex?

Griselda1 · 16/10/2021 11:39

Be very careful of the fake id scenario.My neighbours daughter was old for her year and gave out her driving license documents to younger friends. The police confiscated the license, my neighbour goes to the station expecting the licence to just be handed back over the counter. Instead they interviewed and cautioned the daughter who was intending to study law. There can be implications and maybe she should just wait.

liveforsummer · 16/10/2021 11:48

Her fiends won't have started and stopped going to nightclubs between now and next August. They are not places that are solely packed full of 18 year olds. I went to night clubs right throughout my 20's and beyond

liveforsummer · 16/10/2021 11:50

Oops - *friends

nancypineapple · 16/10/2021 12:38

I do feel for teens these days- just very glad social media didn't exist in the 90's! Grew up near Liverpool and used to go clubbing from age 15 onwards with a group of older boys who actually looked after us really well. My poor dad would have to pick us up when we didn't get into a club. Seriously wouldn't want my kids risking the stuff we used to do-getting lifts from strangers to a rave in the backend of no-where. However I don't remember much violence or aggression- we were the rave generation so not many fights but plenty of hugs. Though do remember the Hacienda in Manc being rather dodgy early 90's with guns etc so we used to stick to cream in Liverpool. I was explaining to my 18 yr old ds that we didn't down bottles of vodka but drank cider or crap like asti which has a much lower alcohol volume. So we knew our limits mostly.

Strangevipers · 16/10/2021 12:39

Those who are saying how shocked they are that OP wants her child to go clubbing underage have completely missed the point.

OP doesn't want her child to miss out on what her other friends are doing it is this simple.

Only us younger children in the year will understand! Watching your friends pass their driving test and get cars while I caught the bus for a year was so annoying

Heifer · 16/10/2021 12:56

I do wonder how many of those that are shocked some parents allow their DD/DS to go clubbing before 18 have younger children or even much older children?

I am sure I would have said that we wouldn't be allowing our DD to drink before she was 17 (she was 16), or go to pubs (she was 17) or nightclubs (17) but we did allow it - and we also are changing our rules all the time re time she has to be in - we have to be organic. situations change - my DD has changed. she will be off to uni in Sept.

Just how many of those tutting drank themselves before 18? I am not talking about allowing DD to come home steaming every week and staying out all night - but I do think it's completly unrealistic to say it's against the law so they cant do it - they will find a way and they won't tell you, so personally I would rather have open discussions, find OUR line in the sand and know where DD is and when she will be home.

TatianaBis · 16/10/2021 12:59

@CatsArePeople

This thread is so weird. So many parents willing for their kids to break the law because... it's fun?

Do you feel the same about underage sex?

What's weird is the posters who are so conservative and insular that they never went to a club.

Do you feel the same about pubs? And 15 and 18 films?

liveforsummer · 16/10/2021 13:03

Only us younger children in the year will understand! Watching your friends pass their driving test and get cars while I caught the bus for a year was so annoying

It was something I thought about when making the decision to defer DD's school entry for a year. Not a deciding factor but definitely an added bonus.

itsgettingwierd · 16/10/2021 13:08

Me and ds are both august birthdays!

He has just turned 17 too.

Back when I was younger there were clubs that were for 16+ but ID at bar. Not sure those venues exist anymore?