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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by people who are just oblivious

306 replies

Manyview · 15/10/2021 07:07

Nursery drop off queue - always a joy

Particular group of parents who just don't seem to have any grip on reality

Husband and I work hard in public sector jobs. They asked me how work is (for me social care) and I was like well pretty manky, big staff and money shortages, everyone's working v hard etc

Response : oh yeah I think I heard something about that last week...and covid is still about a bit isn't it apparently?? Did you hear that?

Is it just me? How can you be soooooo oblivious to real (and stressful) life around you? How can people be just so lacking in understanding of the genuine issues affecting real people?

OP posts:
Pythonista · 15/10/2021 10:04

And presumably this person didn't actually cough OVER someone?

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2021 10:05

I find those people who wish to appoint themselves as my essential informant on any topic, are invariably the people I least wish to be informed by.

I'm quite capable of seeking my own sources and selecting my own well-informed advisors. Rant-prone, socially tin-eared acquaintances don't usually make the cut.

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/10/2021 10:05

@frazzledali

well this thread is absolutely depressing. Sure, small talk at the nursery gate, we don't want to know your life story, etc etc. But if we're just going to ignore the collapse of social care, the fact that we have rising Covid as we go into winter (and those of you saying 'dig into the data', don't embarrass yourselves any more) and be absolutely ok with everyone being completely uninformed, then we're just fucked. We'll have to acknowledge it at some point...
No one has said that we should ignore the collapse of social care, don’t be so dramatic. There’s a world of difference between not wanting to discuss something at the nursery gate, and ignoring it altogether. And if it happened this morning (which I appreciate it may not have), then given when OP posted then it happened at 7am or just after at the very latest - someone dropping their child at nursery at 7am definitely has places to be.
Spidey66 · 15/10/2021 10:06

It's small talk.

Tbh I find talk of other people's work quite dull 90% of the time, unless theyre in the same or similar sector to me. I'm in nursing so I'd be interested in your job OP and if someone said they were a dog walker or something id be interested (cos i love dogs). But if someone started telling me about their job in finance or whatever my eyes would glaze over and I'd be bored shitless.

jb7445 · 15/10/2021 10:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Spidey66 · 15/10/2021 10:10

@SnarkyBag

I think a lot of people in health and social care are having it really rough (I’m a HCP) but this divisive attitude of thinking everyone else isn’t having it a tough isn’t healthy.

Even as a HCP myself I got sick to death of all the Facebook posts from nurses and carers banging on about how they needed fuel more than others and anyone filling up there car who has a non key worker job is a selfish arse.

Me too!
Pythonista · 15/10/2021 10:12

Also if you get your information from only one source, then it could be argued that you aren't necessarily getting the full picture

Nocutenamesleft · 15/10/2021 10:13

@GoodnightGrandma

They probably live their life on social media.
This!!!!

The amount of times in a day someone says to me. Oh. Did you not see it on facebook. (I don’t have facebook. Instagram. TikTok. Apart from Mumsnet. Not sure I have anything)

Life are now led. Through social media

Reminds me of a black mirror episode.

sendaisnow · 15/10/2021 10:13

I'm very well aware of what going on but don't want to get into it at the bloody school gates.

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 10:15

Oh and now the 'I am superior as I don't have social media' brigade.

Most people get information through main stream media, social media, talking to people etc.

But being so superior about your knowledge is actually quite funny and shows a real lack of self awareness

Pythonista · 15/10/2021 10:16

And actually if that is your attitude, then they probably sense that and say it to wind you up

Pregnagainagain · 15/10/2021 10:16

Are you trying to say that people who don’t work in the public sector are working less hard? Do you still refer to yourself as a ‘key worker’ Grin

HarryPotterFan21 · 15/10/2021 10:17

All these "people live through social media but I'm better because I don't use it," newsflash for you mumsnet is social media.
People seriously need to get off their high horses.

Muchasgracias · 15/10/2021 10:18

My drop off chat is shite and very low brow. And that’s all a reflection of me, not the people I’m talking to. I’m just not capable of more when I have to be 100% switched on to hot topics for my working day and on top of the household mental load. Brain disengages.

More importantly OP, why do you care what they think (or don’t think, as seems to be the case)? Why let this stress you when you already sound quite stressed?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 15/10/2021 10:19

Would you SERIOUSLY go to a chemist and cough in front of everyone???

Yes, I've taken my dd in, I also send her into school coughing as well, and we go to the shops and anywhere else she needs to go.

Because of her cough the doctors won't see her without a negative pcr test which takes over a day, so we are often at the chemist as I need to take her in to get anything in the minor ailments scheme. We also test twice a week at home, which you wouldn't know.

What would you like us to do.

Also on the school run I would be more likely to talk about a changed assembly than brexit, because I don't know anyone's views and couldn't be arsed getting into a debate with people I have to see every day if their views don't align with mine.

When I had cancer last year random mums would ask how I am on the school run and I would say "fine thanks, how are you" when I felt like death because that's how social interactions with acquaintances go.

Do people really start debating stuff and getting into in depth conversations on the school run?

FrangipaniBlue · 15/10/2021 10:21

This EXACTLY why I used to hate the school run.

Don't speak and you're a stuck up bitch.

Try to make small talk and you're there for an hour while someone has a moan about their life stresses/shit job/what a bitch their cats auntie is.

Spidey66 · 15/10/2021 10:21

@Silvercatowner

Now it is you sounding ignorant - you know coughs don't necessarily mean covid? That person may indeed have tested negative but didn't want to have a full convo in front of you

Would you SERIOUSLY go to a chemist and cough in front of everyone???

Good grief...

As I said previously, it's no wonder our numbers are so high.

Well yeah, if I had a cough, was unable to stop coughing, and was in an appropriate place to get help for it.....

It's October. We're getting into colds season , People will go to Boots cos they've got a cough, have tested negative for covid, and are wanting some Benylin to help them sleep.

Hth xxx

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/10/2021 10:22

ABCeasyasdohrayme

Would you SERIOUSLY go to a chemist and cough in front of everyone???

Well yes, if you had a cough. What else are you supposed to do if you’ve no-one to go for you and need medicine?

Everyone wears masks at our local chemist anyway.

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/10/2021 10:30

Oh and I remember the morning after they'd announced the brexit vote and a school mum ran up to me in the playground and said "oh my god, did you hear what happened? They have rescheduled the class assembly".

🙄 I stayed up all night watching the brexit referendum results, I still wouldn’t have brought it up with another parent at school who I didn’t know that well in case I accidentally picked someone who voted leave. I don’t want to debate politics while dropping my daughter off!

Pollythecat15 · 15/10/2021 10:33

Everyone has their own worries/ hardships/ stresses/ sadness . I must admit I don't always take the time to think of everyone else's difficulties while I'm dealing with my own worries and sadness,

Underhisi · 15/10/2021 10:33

People want light chat and people have their own shit going on.

silveryslade · 15/10/2021 10:48

@Comedycook

Well I also find this sort of thing bemusing. I think you must have to go out of your way to avoid having any knowledge on current affairs or politics. I mean, what do you do? Turn off the TV or radio as soon as the news comes on? Swipe away any news that comes up on your phone. I mean it must actually be quite difficult to avoid knowing what's going on. This is the age of the internet...we aren't waiting for news to arrive via a messenger on a horse with a scroll
Yes, actually! Wink And I feel much calmer for it. I need that calm in order to muster the strength and patience to support other people in my family who have a more stressful time of it. However I am someone who finds distraction away from problems you can't wave a magic wand and solve more helpful than venting about them the whole time. That way the impact of bad stuff is minimised as you get to enjoy other aspects of life at least part of the time. It's the way I worked through my own cancer treatment amongst other difficult and challenging stuff.
silveryslade · 15/10/2021 10:50

And yes, I do end up being informed of the important stuff (as it is hard to avoid news completely) but it means I spend the majority of my time thinking about other things, less time being worried or upset.

Ski4130 · 15/10/2021 11:05

I've learnt over the years that the school gates, nursery drop off or harvest festival aren't the place for deep and meaningfuls!

There's probably another thread somewhere on MN from some poor woman saying 'Christ, I just wanted to get in and out of nursery this morning and this intense, overbearing woman insisted on asking my opinion on her job'.

YouokHun · 15/10/2021 11:07

You can’t say they’re oblivious going by that response. More likely that they aren’t interested in your work environment. As others have said it’s just small talk.

I do get it though. I used to work in an environment that was truly testing, quite risky and about human life and death and sometimes I’d be bristling with stress and sadness at what I encountered day to day and someone would, by way of small talk, say something like “yes, I had a really tough day; I spilt coffee on my laptop and scratched my new car”. I wanted to scream “you have no fucking idea what’s going on out there do you??!” But what do I know about their lives or what they understand? What right do I have to decide they’re oblivious? Why should I place all my frustration on them? Why should they have to take an interest in my world?

If you feel angry with people you need to take it to your supervisor/clinical supervision because it can be a sign it’s really getting to you.