Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting 5 year old to write lots of thank you cards... WWYD? AIBU?

242 replies

cloudlessbluesky · 14/10/2021 19:47

I was brought up to write thank you cards whenever I got presents from relatives or friends of my parents. It was just the done thing in our house. I still write them after my birthday and Christmas, or any other time someone buys me a present.
I'm trying to bring up my son to do the same (and with good manners in general, something very lacking in most of his peers I've meet so far).
Trouble is, how on earth can I keep him motivated in writing about 20 (on average!) thank you cards to relatives? Writing out pretty much the same thing in each? I try to do it over a couple of weeks so he's not doing too many at once (very limited attention span). I just find it so draining, started them last night and it took almost an hour to get him to write "Dear X.. thank you very much for my present. Love from X".
Aaarrgh!
Any other parents find this stressful?

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 15/10/2021 08:42

Yes at that age, I would write the card and they would sign. By 7, they wrote everything themselves, but we started early and would do 5 to 10 at a time only with a something nice to do afterwards to keep them motivated.

They were times they had tantrums about it,but not doing it wasn't an option. They are now young adults and are good at doing cards without needing to be told, that is to those who still care to receive one rather than a text or call.

Wazzzzzzzup · 15/10/2021 08:42

My foreign arse is still at awe at thank you cards😂

Yabu

PinkWaferBiscuit · 15/10/2021 08:46

They were times they had tantrums about it,but not doing it wasn't an option.

See I just don't understand this logic. Why was writing a card non negotiable?

Why couldn't they say a verbal thank you or phone the gift giver, why is a card written under duress that led to a completely unnecessary tantrum seen as a better thank you than the child actually saying an unprompted verbal thank you upon seeing or speaking to the gift giver?

navigationcentral · 15/10/2021 08:48

Hmm. Is this for some journalism (ish) news story on parental attitudes to thank you cards? Or have you joined MN literally to post this OP?

drumandthebass · 15/10/2021 08:54

When they were really young we got a stamp with their names on them which they were able to do when too young /wouldn't write

Lifeinthescratcher · 15/10/2021 08:59

How judgey about his ‘peers’?

You need to get over yourself, get ds to do one or two and you do the rest or just write his name. Hes 5Hmm Or how about help the planet and send a text or email

Florencenotflo · 15/10/2021 09:03

I only send actual thank you cards to older relatives now. DH's great aunt and my grandparents are the only ones that still see this as the done thing. And I'm more than happy to do these. Before Dd was old enough to do a picture or letter I'd write the card.

Our parents and siblings, we tend to whatsapp them a picture of dd playing with what ever they've bought them.

Could you get him to do one picture or letter, photocopy it and send with a few pictures of hun enjoying his birthday/Christmas presents.

somewhereoverthechipshop · 15/10/2021 09:04

I don’t see the point in receiving thank you cards. It’s just clutter. It’s a nice thought but utterly pointless. I’d rather the child just said thanks when I next saw them. Otherwise a text will suffice! Very old fashioned.

Rainbowsew · 15/10/2021 09:04

I've said yabu but get where you're coming from I wanted to do the same as was brought up that way and this is how I dealt with it.

For those relatives he doesn't see much and has no relationship with (for us this was friends of my parents, my godmother etc) I wrote a chatty letter myself as really it's you they're doing it for.

For younger relatives a WhatsApp photo of them with my thanks.

For relatives that would appreciate/expect letters I sent one of their drawings with a sentence from me and they write their names.

Sad as it is think with modern communication methods thank you letter s are a dying art, as mine got older I made them write a sentence in a thank you card rather than the full on letter that I had to do (complete with laid out address and everything) but it was a trial and I now I ask them to send a thank you text call on their phones.

Rainbowsew · 15/10/2021 09:06

Also as I'm sure pp have mentioned (haven't rft) current environmental concerns mean people don't always appreciate cards etc

PinkWaferBiscuit · 15/10/2021 09:10

Sad as it is think with modern communication methods thank you letters are a dying art

Why is it sad? It would be sad if saying thank you was a dying art but I can't see how it is sad that the method has changed in which the child thanks the gift giver.

No one thinks its sad that we now use Google to find information instead of a 50 bookset encyclopaedia collection.

Moving with modern times is not something to be sad about.

HoikingUpMyBigGirlPantss · 15/10/2021 09:10

I used to ask DC to draw one smallish "thank you" picture, scan and print it, (or take a blowing out the candles photo), personalise with some glitter or pasta if they wanted Hmm, and help me put them in the envelopes and post off to the friends and rellies. They just had to sign it. As their birthdays were all after Xmas/january (nightmare!) we eventually streamlined to posting the photo to social media for friends and then only sending hard copies to elderly rellies who are a stickler for manners

gingerbiscuits · 15/10/2021 09:19

Totally understand where you're coming from but make life easy on yourself & don't suffer the pain of effectively forcing a very small child to handwrite so many cards - it's soul destroying!

When ours were little, I used to knock up some simple, typed 'thank you' notes on the computer which the kids then signed & drew a picture on. It meant we could get them done & sent pretty quickly & it still seemed to the recipients that the kids had something to do with it, rather than it being just me! I also never made them do them for people they'd already thanked in person - be that face to face or on the phone.

To be honest, these days, as long as people get a thank you in some shape or form, I'm not sure they're bothered - it's only usually the older generation who like 'a nice handwritten note'.

DPotter · 15/10/2021 09:22

I sent DD's painting and drawing (of which she seems to have hundreds) as thank you. I would get her to write "Thank you for my present on the back, love DD".

Job done

tigger1001 · 15/10/2021 09:24

As someone up thread said, thanking someone for a gift is good manners, thank you cards are etiquette.

I hate cards. Don't send them for birthdays, Christmas etc. Hate receiving them, they just clutter the place and often can't be recycled. Waste of resources.

It's much nicer getting a call from the person thanking you for their gift, if it can't be done in person.

As long as a thank you is given for the gift, then that's good manners.

Skysblue · 15/10/2021 09:42

I loathed writing those as a child and don’t ask my child to do it.

You want to send formal thank yous like we’re still in Victorian times? You write them.

I usually wattsapp a photo of my child enjoying the gift, which is much nicer to receive than some painfully written note.

If you must do handwriting- some mums I know aske the child to write one ketter and then send photos if the letter

CatsArePeople · 15/10/2021 10:27

YABVU
especially that many. I had to do them as a child, and hated them. Would cancel the pleasure of gifts.

Phone call is enough.

I only do thank you cards for work purposes.

Peaplant20 · 15/10/2021 10:31

Only do thank you cards for people he didn’t say thank you to in person, that’s what I’ve always done.

Wazzzzzzzup · 15/10/2021 10:40

Parents: "how are parents finding time for anything😭"
Also Parents: "must hand write individual thank you cards even though I thanked most of them alreary f2f"

SusieBob · 15/10/2021 10:47

My parents used to make me do thank you letters, on proper writing letter with the contents checked and if any spelling mistakes/smudges were detected I had to start all over again.

I'm pretty sure they use it as a form of torture in some places.

We have telephones, text message etc these days.

SummerInSun · 15/10/2021 12:10

Everyone at my son's primary sends thank you cards for the birthday presents they get at parties. At age 5, you buy cards with the word "thank you"'in them and the child just writes his/her name. At age 6, they write the name of the person they are thanking and their own name. At age 7, they might start writing "Name. Thanks for the present. Name." Only at age 8 and above have I seen kids writing "Dear name. Thank you for the [identify present]. From name."

LolaSmiles · 15/10/2021 12:15

I was made to do them and it ended up feeling like a chore being sat down to do them, especially when I'd already sincerely thanked people at the time they gave me the gift in person or I'd already called them to say thank you.

I got the impression it was more about fishing for parenting award comments or feeling superior as a parent than teaching us to be grateful.

Glitterybug · 15/10/2021 12:36

He's 5 and presumably he's just started school. Then he gets home and his mother is nagging him to write bloody thank you cards. Give the poor child a break . Why don't you write them and he can write his name.

mumonthehill · 15/10/2021 12:47

Always sent thank you cards here and I also like receiving them. When both ds were little they did pictures and I wrote them and they put their name. As they got older I would sit with them and they would just write, thankyou for x, I had a lovely day. I must admit we never did it for presents received at big birthday parties but certainly did send them to family members etc.

Kitkat151 · 15/10/2021 13:09

Text/WhatsApp ....it’s 2021

Swipe left for the next trending thread