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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister has said I've made things awkward but I disagree

360 replies

Robinson89 · 14/10/2021 17:36

I worked in child care for over 10 years, mainly as a nanny, and although I've changed professions completely now, I still occasionally babysit for some families during evenings and weekends. My rate is £10ph and has been for the last few years.

Last week my sisters friend (I don't know her personally) asked if I'd be interested in babysitting her children occasionally. I said yes and told her to pass my number on and let her know to ring me if she had any questions. Yesterday I received a text from the friend asking if I could babysit this upcoming weekend as she wanted to go on a night out for her friends birthday. It would be for around 6 hours until 11:30pm. I told her no problem, asked for her address and explained that my rate was £10. She replied shortly after explaining that she was looking to pay around £8.50 as that is all she could afford. I sent a polite text back to say I understood her position, but unfortunately my rate was £10 and it is what I charge all my families. I said if she changed her mind then to let me know and I'd happily babysit for her.

I never heard anything about it again until my sister phoned me this morning to say that her friend was really disappointed that she couldn't go on her night out and why would I expect £10 for basically putting the kids to bed and sitting on the sofa watching tv all night Hmm. I have no idea why my sister is even entertaining this, and frankly I'm a bit hurt. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'd be sat watching the tv whilst the kids are in bed. It's the fact that I'm giving up my weekend (I work full time myself) to babysit her children and not being able to spend time in my own home with my own family. I'm not desperate for the money so my down time is really important to me. I'm also a qualified trained professional who knows what to do in the event of an emergency. AIBU?

OP posts:
Member984815 · 15/10/2021 08:24

You are in the right here, that's your rate which is very reasonable , you told her what it was she said it was too much she could have tried to find someone else. The fact she didn't means everyone probably charges the same and she didn't want to pay. It's nothing to do with your sister

Branleuse · 15/10/2021 08:30

why couldnt your sister babysit if shes so bothered.

ShirleyPhallus · 15/10/2021 08:30

@Clymene

After seeing a post earlier when Shirley Phallus said that being worth £20m wasn't that much, I think we can take her posts with a cellar of salt.

OP- if your sister is so keen on supporting her friend's social life, she can babysit herself.

@Clymene That thread is quite clearly a troll thread, that’s why I posted that and not legit advice as so many people are Hmm

Re the 5 hours - I did indeed go and see Bond. Babysitter arrived at 6.30 to meet child before bed, child in bed at 7, we left at 7.15, film started at 7.50. Started actually playing at 8.10, 2.5 hours for the film, home and babysitter left us at 11.15. So 5 hours pay.

ILoveJamaica · 15/10/2021 08:30

No one would be happy to pay a Babysitter £60 for one night. You can't compare your hourly rate to other jobs, as it's not the same.

I look after dogs for people when they are at work. I charge £17 per day, per dog. If I tried to charge £10 per hour, that would make it £90 per day, per dog, and no one would pay that.

ILoveJamaica · 15/10/2021 08:33

It's bizarre that she cancelled the whole night out for the sake of a few quid which really, could have just been one or two less drinks

Since when is one or two drinks £60, unless you're at the Ritz?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 15/10/2021 08:33

@ILoveJamaica

No one would be happy to pay a Babysitter £60 for one night. You can't compare your hourly rate to other jobs, as it's not the same.

I look after dogs for people when they are at work. I charge £17 per day, per dog. If I tried to charge £10 per hour, that would make it £90 per day, per dog, and no one would pay that.

What a load of rubbish. There's literally post after post saying people pay £10p/h or more. How long the lady wants to go out for is up to her.

Plus you charge per dog as you can walk/look after multiple dogs in a day. I'm not sure OP could babysit in multiple houses of an evening.

It's not even remotely the same.

Bluntness100 · 15/10/2021 08:35

@ILoveJamaica

It's bizarre that she cancelled the whole night out for the sake of a few quid which really, could have just been one or two less drinks

Since when is one or two drinks £60, unless you're at the Ritz?

She cancelled it because the baby sitting is nine quid more than she wished to Pay. Which is indeed a couple of drinks.
Mamamamasaurus · 15/10/2021 08:35

@ILoveJamaica

It's bizarre that she cancelled the whole night out for the sake of a few quid which really, could have just been one or two less drinks

Since when is one or two drinks £60, unless you're at the Ritz?

The difference between what the OP quoted and what the CF wanted to pay is a few quid, not the total cost
Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 08:37

An easy solution would be the friend paying you £10ph for 5 hours, and your sister helping her out for free for an hour. That way the person actually delivering the freebie is the one who actually wants to help out her mate. Make sure she takes the 22:30-23:30 hour though 😉

ILoveJamaica · 15/10/2021 08:38

She cancelled it because the baby sitting is nine quid more than she wished to Pay. Which is indeed a couple of drinks

Ha, I realised that just after I posted. I still wouldn't pay £60 though. The most I ever paid when the kids were little was about £25 for the night. She needs to find a teenager or someone at Uni who would do it for less. The babysitter it literally doing her own thing after kids got to bed, £60 is insane.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 15/10/2021 08:46

@ILoveJamaica

She cancelled it because the baby sitting is nine quid more than she wished to Pay. Which is indeed a couple of drinks

Ha, I realised that just after I posted. I still wouldn't pay £60 though. The most I ever paid when the kids were little was about £25 for the night. She needs to find a teenager or someone at Uni who would do it for less. The babysitter it literally doing her own thing after kids got to bed, £60 is insane.

No. She's not doing her own thing. She's in someone else's house keeping an eye on their children. She couldn't go for a walk or go out and meet friends.
Howshouldibehave · 15/10/2021 08:58

I think the point here is that on a Saturday night, at the end of a long week-most people want to do their own thing.

If you want someone to look after your children instead of doing that, you’ll need to make it worth their while. The OP already has a job and has decided that to give up on that spot of free time, she wants £10 an hour for it. I completely understand-I wouldn’t want to do it either-often Saturday nights is the only time I get to sit down with DH and a few glasses of wine. This isn’t a friend or family member that she loves and wants to help out-it’s paid work which she is prepared to do if it’s worth her while, but not otherwise.

I would imagine the sister’s friend could have found a local 15 year old to babysit at a cheaper rate, but preferred an older, more experienced person to care for her children instead. I wonder why that might be?

You can’t choose the ‘older experienced’ option but decide you’ll only pay the ‘15 year old’ rate!

I blame the sister here as well though-why did she think the OP would want to do this for cheap?!

roseinthedark · 15/10/2021 09:00

When we were finding a babysitter for our then 18 month old to go on our first evening out since before her birth, I found a childminder I was happy with and told husband that her rate was £10 per hour. He balked and said, surely that’s too expensive can’t you find one who will do it for £5 or £6? I said, do you realise that’ll be a teenager without any childcare qualifications, maybe some experience, but definitely won’t be a trained professional adult who would know what to do in an emergency? Would you be happy leaving her with them? He soon bowed down. You were completely in the right!

MaxNormal · 15/10/2021 09:12

I look after dogs for people when they are at work. I charge £17 per day, per dog. If I tried to charge £10 per hour, that would make it £90 per day, per dog, and no one would pay that

So how would it work in practice caring for multiple children in their own homes at once then? Thinking about it, do you reckon it would be safe and socially acceptable?

User112 · 15/10/2021 09:18

£10 per hour is totally reasonable. If they don’t need a qualified professional, ask your sister to do it for them?

Why won’t your sister “help” her own friend? Cheeky mare !!

itsallgoingpearshaped · 15/10/2021 09:20

YANBU.

People pay their cleaners more without question.
People pay the people who mow their lawns more hourly without question.

But gasp at the very idea of paying a decent hourly rate to someone who is watching over the most important things in their lives, their children!

dottiedodah · 15/10/2021 09:24

She is being a CF I think. Trying to get your services cut price because of your DS! I would just tell DS thats your going rate.You cant change it to suit one person.If only it were just "putting kids to bed and sitting on the sofa!" I used to babysit as well (Nursery School Teacher). One familys child had a Nosebleed, anothers 2 boys would not go to bed .A thirds little boy was deaf, and I had to translate everything through his Sister!(They were very well behaved though and sweet!)Just ignore DS(unless she wants to babysit of course!

Livpool · 15/10/2021 09:33

@itsallgoingpearshaped

YANBU.

People pay their cleaners more without question.
People pay the people who mow their lawns more hourly without question.

But gasp at the very idea of paying a decent hourly rate to someone who is watching over the most important things in their lives, their children!

Completely agree
Nocutenamesleft · 15/10/2021 09:33

Nope

I’d just ignore. It’s not just sitting on the sofa. It’s the years experience you’ve got. I imagine you’ve got first aid etc. Which is what I’d hope an experienced babysitter would have and I would pay accordingly. Or if my child choked. You’re paying for them to be able to address that situation if it ever arose. Etc.

Not just say on your backside watching television!

BoredZelda · 15/10/2021 09:43

If she is quibbling over a tenner, she can’t afford a night out.

mbosnz · 15/10/2021 10:00

My friend's paid my daughter £10 an hour - an unqualified, then 16 year old - but who is extremely capable, and manages to keep the two siblings from each others' throats.

Oh, and the two beagles.

MimosaFields · 15/10/2021 10:06

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit

That is, if I'm understanding you correctly OP that you asked for £10 total not per hour?
No, EineReiseDurchZeit, she clearly means per hour. It would be ridiculous otherwise.
Nocutenamesleft · 15/10/2021 10:06

@ILoveJamaica

She cancelled it because the baby sitting is nine quid more than she wished to Pay. Which is indeed a couple of drinks

Ha, I realised that just after I posted. I still wouldn't pay £60 though. The most I ever paid when the kids were little was about £25 for the night. She needs to find a teenager or someone at Uni who would do it for less. The babysitter it literally doing her own thing after kids got to bed, £60 is insane.

So you’d be perfectly happy. To allow a 17 yr old. To deal with your baby chocking? Or with a broken femur?

You need to think of extreme situations that such a person might find themselves having to deal with

I’ve got a friend who is a professional nanny. Like many. She’s certified up to her eyeballs and has dealt with almost all situations you can possibly think of.

That’s what you pay a professional for.

Isn’t your child your most prized and loved person in your whole life?!?

ejhhhhh · 15/10/2021 10:09

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Nobody is entitled to a service that they can't afford. If she can't afford you, she needs to find a cheaper babysitter or go without her nights out. But that's her problem, on no planet is it yours.

LampLighter414 · 15/10/2021 10:18

Attitude reminds me of those people on Facebay etc who refuse to pay/can't afford asking price for items and then make out that you have ruined their childs birthday or christmas because you won't sell the item to them on the cheap.