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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister has said I've made things awkward but I disagree

360 replies

Robinson89 · 14/10/2021 17:36

I worked in child care for over 10 years, mainly as a nanny, and although I've changed professions completely now, I still occasionally babysit for some families during evenings and weekends. My rate is £10ph and has been for the last few years.

Last week my sisters friend (I don't know her personally) asked if I'd be interested in babysitting her children occasionally. I said yes and told her to pass my number on and let her know to ring me if she had any questions. Yesterday I received a text from the friend asking if I could babysit this upcoming weekend as she wanted to go on a night out for her friends birthday. It would be for around 6 hours until 11:30pm. I told her no problem, asked for her address and explained that my rate was £10. She replied shortly after explaining that she was looking to pay around £8.50 as that is all she could afford. I sent a polite text back to say I understood her position, but unfortunately my rate was £10 and it is what I charge all my families. I said if she changed her mind then to let me know and I'd happily babysit for her.

I never heard anything about it again until my sister phoned me this morning to say that her friend was really disappointed that she couldn't go on her night out and why would I expect £10 for basically putting the kids to bed and sitting on the sofa watching tv all night Hmm. I have no idea why my sister is even entertaining this, and frankly I'm a bit hurt. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'd be sat watching the tv whilst the kids are in bed. It's the fact that I'm giving up my weekend (I work full time myself) to babysit her children and not being able to spend time in my own home with my own family. I'm not desperate for the money so my down time is really important to me. I'm also a qualified trained professional who knows what to do in the event of an emergency. AIBU?

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 15/10/2021 10:21

What have you said to your sister since the original chat where she said you made it awkward and now her friend couldn't come on the night out?
What has your sister said to you since?

ExConstance · 15/10/2021 10:21

Our "children" are now approaching 30. We were paying £50 for an evenings babysitting 25 years ago, also I had to leave a god supper for them which meant more expenditure at M&S. I used to use a qualified person because i couldn't relax and enjoy myself if I worried about things going wrong. OP, your rate is very reasonable.

MintyGreenDream · 15/10/2021 10:23

@ChargingBuck loving the Chinny 👌

ILoveJamaica · 15/10/2021 10:40

So you’d be perfectly happy. To allow a 17 yr old. To deal with your baby chocking? Or with a broken femur?

You need to think of extreme situations that such a person might find themselves having to deal with

What's with all the hysteria? The chances of your child choking or breaking a bone are vanishingly small.

A 17 year old is old enough to have children of their own.

Most parents don't have a First Aid certificate themselves.

When my children were small, it was completely the done thing to have a neighbour aged around 16 over to babysit. To demand that babysitters must be qualified in child care and first aid is ridiculous and right up there with the opinion that parents must never unclench and have a drink just in case they have to drive their child to hospital

AryaStarkWolf · 15/10/2021 10:57

bahahaha, cheeky fucker, I love how it's a virtual strangers fault that she can't go out though. If she wants to pay £8.50per hour she's better off looking for a local teenager wanting some pocket money.....

starrynight87 · 15/10/2021 11:09

£10 AH is very cheap for someone trusted and trained!

Marjoriesdoor · 15/10/2021 11:17

£10 per hour for a professional nanny is very cheap. I used a childcare agency I used the other week and they charge £20 per hour plus mileage and actually I thought that was a fair price.

Marjoriesdoor · 15/10/2021 11:18

Sorry for my typos there!

Gonnagetgoing · 15/10/2021 11:33

@ILoveJamaica

So you’d be perfectly happy. To allow a 17 yr old. To deal with your baby chocking? Or with a broken femur?

You need to think of extreme situations that such a person might find themselves having to deal with

What's with all the hysteria? The chances of your child choking or breaking a bone are vanishingly small.

A 17 year old is old enough to have children of their own.

Most parents don't have a First Aid certificate themselves.

When my children were small, it was completely the done thing to have a neighbour aged around 16 over to babysit. To demand that babysitters must be qualified in child care and first aid is ridiculous and right up there with the opinion that parents must never unclench and have a drink just in case they have to drive their child to hospital

I was trusted with kids from upwards of 3 years when I was 14/15.

However, I had babysat for a while so the parents knew me and I was usually fairly near my own house if anything went wrong.

At 15 I was studying for a GCSE in Childcare and also had to do a study so did one on a local toddler who I then babysat and did childminding in holidays for too (the DM had a baby after the toddler) but I learned about lots of things like reflexes, medical care, development etc and did a St John's Ambulance course etc and the only thing I ever had to do when the baby was born was put bonjela when he was teething. I mentioned to the DM that the baby thrashed around a bit when I took him out of his cot to feed (he was fine) and I was told not to worry, babies were normal and robust.

Approx 10 years later the Louise Woodward case was in the news and I recall being a bit Shock that a nanny could do this and that teenagers were allowed to babysit children with no qualifications. As far as I recall lots of my friends were asked to babysit children (usually 5 upwards) but nothing bad ever happened.

ILoveJamaica · 15/10/2021 11:33

£10 per hour for a professional nanny is very cheap

I don't think it's the norm for people to seek out a professional nanny every time they want to pop out for a few drinks though!

Gonnagetgoing · 15/10/2021 11:34

oh and £10 per hour is cheap for childcare and your sister should mind her friend's kids if she's that bothered about her missing out on a night out.

Gonnagetgoing · 15/10/2021 11:35

@ILoveJamaica

£10 per hour for a professional nanny is very cheap

I don't think it's the norm for people to seek out a professional nanny every time they want to pop out for a few drinks though!

On lots of childcare apps like Bubble etc though there are qualified nannies etc looking to make extra money.
ILoveJamaica · 15/10/2021 11:37

Approx 10 years later the Louise Woodward case was in the news and I recall being a bit Shock that a nanny could do this and that teenagers were allowed to babysit children with no qualifications. As far as I recall lots of my friends were asked to babysit children (usually 5 upwards) but nothing bad ever happened

Well, quite!

Bear in mind as well though, that most PARENTS don't have the kind of qualifications that they seem to think are an absolute necessity for their babysitter to have.

godmum56 · 15/10/2021 11:37

Actually what others charge for what and what others think is fair to pay is not really relevant. The OP isn't desperate for work, she was asked to give a price and she did. Basically take it or leave it, its not an invitation to negotiate. And its not up to the OP's sister to suggest that the OP would do mates rates.

ILoveJamaica · 15/10/2021 11:38

I know £10 per hour sounds reasonable, but also I'm really shocked that people would pay £60 to a sitter. Maybe I'm just behind the times.

ellyo · 15/10/2021 11:44

I think she was chancing her arm.

Firstly, if she can afford £51 (6 hours at £8.50) plus the cost of going out, then the additional £9 is not an unreasonable ask.

Secondly, if she can't stretch to £10 p/h for 6 hours, then she could still go for 5 hours. If she can't afford to pay the money then she could reduce her expectations of your time in order to be able to afford it.

Claiming that you stopped her from enjoying a night out because she chose not to do either of those things is just ridiculous.

tcjotm · 15/10/2021 11:54

Always makes me laugh how people feel entitled to be able to go out and are outraged that babysitters won’t spend the evening in their home for free 😂. I babysat for the money, not because I wanted to spend an evening sitting on someone’s uncomfortable sofa listening out for kids who I can’t shout at even when they come down for the fifteenth made up reason. And you know you’ll get the stink eye if they aren’t asleep when their parents come home. It’s not at all relaxing. And some kids - omg, I would’ve paid to leave early.

If they don’t want to pay then stay home 🤷‍♀️. They never seem to begrudge the cost of the meal or their taxi but it’s apparently outrageous paying for care of their most precious family. Think of it this way -they pay for the opportunity cost of the babysitter’s time (no matter how delightful they think their living room) AND avoid being charged with neglect or worse if they left them alone and they burned the house down. A bargain really.

OP is totally not unreasonable.

Gonnagetgoing · 15/10/2021 11:56

@ILoveJamaica

Approx 10 years later the Louise Woodward case was in the news and I recall being a bit Shock that a nanny could do this and that teenagers were allowed to babysit children with no qualifications. As far as I recall lots of my friends were asked to babysit children (usually 5 upwards) but nothing bad ever happened

Well, quite!

Bear in mind as well though, that most PARENTS don't have the kind of qualifications that they seem to think are an absolute necessity for their babysitter to have.

Very true re the parents not having kind of qualifications which they think are a necessity for their babysitter to have.
Bogofftosomewherehot · 15/10/2021 12:05

YANBU. In fact, I pay a level 3 nursery nurse £12.50ph.

If you can only afford to go out for 5 hours instead of six then so be it. It's not your place to subsidise this.

I wonder if she would have got the bar and ask for 15% discount as she wanted 6 drinks but could only afford 5!! - can you imagine the looks she'd have got!

Howshouldibehave · 15/10/2021 12:18

If they don’t want to pay then stay home 🤷‍♀️. They never seem to begrudge the cost of the meal or their taxi but it’s apparently outrageous paying for care of their most precious family

This x 100!

Justilou1 · 15/10/2021 12:20

You are not responsible for your sister’s friend’s social life. Your sister doesn’t get to decide how valuable your time is.

madisonbridges · 15/10/2021 13:03

@ILoveJamaica

I know £10 per hour sounds reasonable, but also I'm really shocked that people would pay £60 to a sitter. Maybe I'm just behind the times.
I totally agree with you. I used to babysit when I was at school. I don't think the parents would spend the equivalent to that on themselves going out, so they definitely wouldn't have given it to me. You just got given a set amount. I didn't have training etc. I mean if you left your child at a kids party, or at your mums house, or they went for a walk with your sister, would you expect them all to be trained with St John Ambulance for emergencies? All that being said, the op can charge what she wants and the prospective client is entitled to say yay or nay.
Dutch1e · 15/10/2021 13:03

Very inexpensive at £10 ph and I'd likely increase your rates if I were you. They're too low which means you'll get cheap CFers like this one trying to haggle on pennies.

The people who are prepared to pay decent rates know that they're not paying for a body on the couch, they're paying for the what-if skills that can mean the difference between life and death if a one-in-a-million situation comes up.

Shame on her, and on your sister.

CSIblonde · 15/10/2021 13:27

Friend is BU. She is thinking more along the lines of what what you'd pay a mature, responsible teen, not a qualified Nanny . I had a great group of parents I babysat for at 18. I made v good money .

maddening · 15/10/2021 17:41

Tell dsis that she is more than welcome to pay the shortfall for her friend.