If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

[Jinnybean]

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

I wouldn't necessarily give any of it to my DC. It is not a massive amount to live on for the rest of your life. It's up to her what she does or doesn't do with it. You have no idea what her financial situation was before this. I'm guessing you have no idea about her pension/s and savings.

@whatatimetobealive
I'm envious too!! And I realise that someone has to die for there to be an inheritance. But people with nothing to leave have to die too!

My mam, who I love to bits, will leave nothing. Between bad life choices, and not being good with money. She has never owned a house, and at her age most likely never will. She inherited about €20k from her DM, I tried to convince her to put it towards a deposit on a small flat/ house it was peak recession and where we live she might have gotten something ok. She kept saying she would but it has flitted away now. She still rents and will be retirement age in 10 years and won't be able to afford it. She will have to move in with me, which is fine.
I also know when she gets to that age I will have to (as awful as it sounds) start saving for her funeral. Because they are pricey!
She's not good with money/ planning for the future and that's just her, even though she always has big plans.
Is it so wrong to be a little jealous that by the sounds of it a lot of people will inherit from their parents instead of being left with debt after their passing? Everyone will eventually die. It will be heartbreaking either and I'm sure I'd miss her just as much, we talk on the phone every day!

And I agree with pps. This lady has lost a loved one and may not even have touched the money. If she never touches it or never gives anyone any of it, it's no one's business but hers. Support her bereavement and forgot about the money.

Yes absolutely I would help them. Slightly different story here. But my grandma has informed me that I am in her will to receive a fraction of her house worth when she passes on. I still want her to live for years and years yet and I hate talking about it when she's still alive but I believe she's written me and my other siblings into her will as she cannot trust her daughter (my mum) to share it out between her children, she would keep it to herself for sure. My mum is never going to have anything to leave either so my my grandparents (grandpa deceased) wanted to make sure we would inherit something. Don't expect it but they have always been wonderful grandparents! As above I hope my grandma still had many years left in her yet! 💕

I'd give each of the 3 of them £100k and keep the other £150k for retirement. What's the point of having money if your DC don't?

If he really wants to know, or have the money he'll have to ask.

My dh has been waiting 4 years for a pair a cuff links that his Mum said he could have. He won't ask her.

Money is for the living no point stashing it away for death.

But there is a point in stashing it away for whatever care you might need.

Yes, I’d give them the lion’s share.

A month ago? Honestly, it's not that easy. She's probably still trying to understand it all: does she owe any tax? where can she keep it safely? should she keep it in cash or shares or bonds? how can she make sure it's safely invested? What does she want her future to look like? What could she need for her own care? What could she do to stay in her own home as long as possible?

Yes of course. We got some money off MIL last year (nowhere near 450k) and gave dd a house deposit (a quarter of what we'd been given)

Yes of course I’d help my children out and unless there is some serious reason why she hasn’t I think it’s just mean not to - she’s got 450k and she’s giving him 10k of it? Tight

Why do OPs post and run?

There is so much we don't know about the MIL that it's not fair to ask the question!

Have some posters missed that it's the MILs father who died?

So the MIL is presumably not that old herself.

I hope the OP comes back and actually gives some context to her question, such as

is the

MIL widowed, single, divorced?
Does she has a private pension or just the state pension when it's due?
Is she currently working and able to save for old age?
HOW OLD IS SHE???

@Marelle

Marelle then you will have zero choice about where you go and no money to pay for things to make your life better If you pay £2k to live in a care home that’s £1k for yourself and £1k you’re being overcharged to pay for the person sitting beside you who is getting the same care without paying a penny. It’s smarter to be the guy who’s getting it for free.

In any case, if I’m in a care home I’m probably away with the mixer and have no idea where I am, so my surroundings don’t matter. Or I’m dying and no amount of fancy surroundings will make that ok. I’d prefer to give my money to my DC who would actually benefit from it. I love my DC more than myself, I’ll happily suffer a shitty few years at the end if it sets them up for life.

One thing that’s so often overlooked in the ‘paying for care vs. having the council pay’ question. is that if you’re self funded, you can choose the time and place, and not be dependent on the tender mercies of social services, who will typically wait until relatives doing their best to care are on their knees with stress and exhaustion - this will apply especially to cases of dementia.

I knew of someone who became so desperate that she told SS, ‘If you don’t do something now I am going to take X (her parent) to A&E and just leave him/her there.’
Only then did they act - and this was after so much pleading.

We’ve had both my DM and my FiL with dementia, and TBH I was so grateful that when the time came that they truly needed 24/7* care and supervision, we were in a position to find them nice care homes without any input from SS.

By which I mean someone on hand all day, all* night, 365 days a year.

The awkward part is that SHE said that she'd give her DS £10k so now he's expecting it...it's only been a month since she received the money but she's given him the expectation...never a good idea if you're not sure.

My father spent £130k in his last year of life on dementia care at home. The mother in law here may be being prudent in keeping all the £450k. She may also fear her son will divorce and a money grubbing daughter
in law might want to get her hands on the money!

£450k invested at 3% yields only about £13,500 a year which £10,800 a year after basic rate tax. May she just wants the £10k a year to spend on a few things including increased heating bills.

@Jinnybean I'm a bit puzzled by your post.

A few days ago you posted that your dad had died. I'm really sorry to hear that as you said it was the 'last' of your parents. Sending condolences.

And you are 31.

I guess your MIL is pretty young too - certainly not ready to stop living her own life or go into a care home!

Given there have been 2 deaths in the family within a year, maybe let it all settle down before you start asking who should give what away?

setting aside WWYD, If it was me, I wouldn't have believed that I would see a penny until it was in my bank.....also is Mil a type to put strings on things?

I think people don't understand care unless they have been through this position themselves.
My FIl was not as so delightful put, away with the mixer.
Yes it was in the last few years of his life. But the fact he could pay for very frequent carer visits made our lives much easier. The carer went with him for his frequent hospital appointments. His money paid for essential maintenance on his house such as on the roof as well as comfortable recliner armchair. He would not have been entitled to a paid for care home if he had no savings. Insteead he would have minimum of visits by a paid carer and we would have had to leave him either inadequately looked after, or try and fill the gaps himself. And his roof would have been leaking so he would have had to do an equity release to pay to keep the house habitable.

DH inherited £80k earlier this year from FiL’s estate, first thing we did was give DD £20k towards her house deposit.

I think it's very unfair and a bit silly for posters to say how they shared out money they inherited.

Everyone has different circumstances.

I am not going to disclose our assets, but we could afford to give 1/3rd each from my MIL to each DC. That was a good house deposit for one of them.

WE did that as we could afford to. But not everyone could do that.

From the sounds of it your MIL may only be in her fifties?

Mine did. At the start of covid too so took a huge load off my mind re finances

I inherited some money from my father. It was a similar time frame, 14 months after his death.

When the money hit my bank account, I became overwhelmed by grief and felt paralysed. Grief comes in waves, it's not a linear process. Just because the relative died at year before, doesn't mean MIL is over it. For me, the arrival of the money brought all the feelings back.

Luckily, my family were very understanding and said you don't need to do anything, just leave it for now. 4 weeks is nothing.

And for the record, I have given some of the money to my adult dc.