If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

[Jinnybean]

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

I don`t know it depends if they needed it or not, I would be more likely to put it in trust for grand kids. I would feel my grown up kids have had enough and will get more when I die.

Ah, yes, this one is difficult. It entirely depends on whether you are lucky with your parents.

Our DGP passed away and my uncle split his share of the inheritance equally between himself and my cousins so they had new cars or paid off part of their mortgages depending on what they chose.

My DP bought a motorhome and went travelling. Spent the lot.

Luck of the draw, I'm afraid.

I would definitely give some money to my DC in this situation, obviously with no strings attached. Not a ridiculous amount, as the more independent I am, the better it is for them long-term.

I would split it between myself and my kids equally unless I really needed it to pay of debt etc

I'd like to think I would-especially if I'd already promised 10k from 450k.

But then depending on age, circs, I might be thinking of first making sure that I was secure!

It hasn't been long, Op!

People saying OMG SHE'S ONLY HAD THE MONEY 4 WEEKS yes, but she's known she was inheriting for a year, and having promised some to her son she's now "getting defensive" about it. So yes, she's changed her mind and gone back on her word. Shitty thing to do, especially as her son and his wife would naturally make plans for money they were told they'd be receiving, but what can you do?

I would.
But it's up to her what she does with her money.

@DrSbaitso - Yeah I was thinking the same thing???

My family went against what the wills said and nabbed all the money for themselves, ignoring my grandparents' wishes.

Very easy to do, by the way.

They're literally pissing it up the wall on care fees.

I probably would yes, but it's not my money so I'm not sure how relevant this is to the conversation. It's her decision.

@Biker47

Probably. Without stipulations either

Noticed there are a lot of controlling people on here who would only give it if they approved the use of it to be worthwhile to them, much rather let the person decide how to use it, if they want to piss it all away, they can crack on.

Yes I notice that too!

And some of them prefer it to skip straight to grandchildren, as if the parent wouldn’t have the best interests of their children at heart! They obviously don’t trust their own dc which is sad.

And if they are that keen to determine what it is spent on, or that someone who really needs it gets it, who’s to know the grandchildren wouldn’t spend it on nightclubs or travelling etc.

@Cruiser11

I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.

out of interest where / how are you making money on the £30k? i have similar amounts and unsure what to do with it for the best

I can't imagine inheriting this sort of money and not using the vast majority of it to enhance my DC's life in every way possible - pay off their mortgage, pay for them to have an an amazing holiday, pay off any debts or student loans etc, or enable them to leave their job and train in something else if that had been a wish of theirs which had been unobtainable otherwise. However I will never inherit anything like that.

Yes I would. And more than 10k.
But everyone is different and for whatever reason she feels that she needs it.

It's not great that she told him she'd give him money but it's not binding and it's clear it was an empty promise.

The good news is she can use that money to pay for any help she may need in the future with eg shopping, getting to appointments, household stuff etc which means you and your husband won't need to do that stuff for her. So time you choose to spend with her can just be nice and social.

To be fair, if DGP had wanted us to receive part of their inheritance, they would have made provision for us, so I wouldn't go asking for money myself.

I always tend to avoid these types of family discussions tbh; they really do bring out the worst in people and they don't change a thing.

You need to give us some ages, so there is some context.

If your mother in law has just lost her father - a year ago- then I assume she is perhaps in her 50s or 60s? (based on life expectancy of 80 for a man, who maybe became her father aged 25.)

And you and your H are in your 30s?

Your MIL may have 30 or 40 years' life left.

If I was her age, (I'm older) I'd be taking financial advice regarding investments and what I might need as a) and emergency fund for serious house repairs b) my 'fun' fund and c) care in old age.

Only then would I start thinking about passing some of it on.

Also, there are IHT implications if she passes on more than £3K a year and dies within 7 years.

If I had 450k I would split it into 5ths between me, dh, and 3 kids. My kids are still small btw, but it would be in a savings account for them to use when they grow up. It’s the first thing I’d do once I got the money.

I can’t even imagine having that kind of cash and mortgage free. How lucky, even though in sad circumstances, it must be nice knowing your parent left the world making sure their children were cared for, no matter what age. Wonder why someone wouldn’t want to help their children whilst alive.

My DP helped us in numerous ways when they were alive - the occasional chunk paid off our mortgage, holidays every now and then, meals out.

We paid for the build of a 'granny flat' for DM when she was on her own, and fortunately could afford to do so. She lived happily with us until she died, many years later.

During that time she paid for DS to do his Masters, cars for GC and lots of 'treats', always trying to ensure that she treated both myself and DB equally.

She left her estate to be shared between her GC, who are now able to own their own homes with a decent deposit.

But we all have a total appreciation of how lucky we all are, and an understanding that as a family we will help and support each other when needed.

I very hope that my DC choose partners who are thoughtful and considered - with decent values!

Yes I would. Partly to benefit my children, partly to try to save on inheritance tax and protect it from care costs.

@DameFanny

People saying OMG SHE'S ONLY HAD THE MONEY 4 WEEKS yes, but she's known she was inheriting for a year, and having promised some to her son she's now "getting defensive" about it. So yes, she's changed her mind and gone back on her word. Shitty thing to do, especially as her son and his wife would naturally make plans for money they were told they'd be receiving, but what can you do?

She has still only had the money a month.

An inheritance of that size is likely to be a close relative. A death a year ago was in the middle of Covid with all the restrictions and shitty little funerals allowed.

I've lost close family in that time. I've been involved in four funerals and executed the wills for two of them (a process currently taking much more time and trouble than in normal times). The absolute last thing I've been thinking about is "ooh how can I spend the money and benefit from their deaths".

Maybe the MiL feels the same. Its pretty shitty to say that because in the past she has said she will hand on some money to start hassling her for it when its barely hit her bank account.

Give her time to get proper advice. She may well be reviewing her options to see if she can give more, she may just not want to think about it atm. The OP's starting position seems to be "awful old cow withholding my money" which doesn't say much about the relationship they have.

@TatianaBis

Missed the mortgage free - still has the escalating costs of old age.

Good care homes in London and the SE start at 50,000 pa.

But she has inherited £450k and if she has an average price house that’s another £300k. So she has enough for 15 years in a care home. No one goes in for that long. If she’s not careful inheritance tax of £100k will be due. Better to give it away now.

@Jinnybean You say your MIL has no mortgage.

Does she have a pension other than a state pension?

Is she single or married?

If she is now aged 55-ish, then £450K as savings, if she has no or little pension of her own, would give her an income of £15K pa for 30 years.

Have you thought how she might need this to live on if all she has is a state pension when she reaches 67?

I know it might seem a fortune to you now but as an older person, I can assure you that assets of that value (and also consider inflation) may be needed as savings.

@Lollipop444 Who knows. Best guess is that they didn't/don't like DP (or perhaps me). Ironically DP is the only reason they see their grandkids since I'd have gone NC completely. In any case it never seemed to to trouble their conscience.

Hang on- no one knows the age of this woman! OR her circumstances re pensions and savings.

If her own father died only a year ago, I suspect she is no older than 60 and may be younger.

To start wanting to snatch away money from a woman who may live for another 30 years is very selfish and also short sighted.

Some people are fucking vile when it comes to money. It's hers, she lost someone close, she's probably still processing that.