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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
Notresdames · 13/10/2021 15:36

The OP posted that her own dad died a couple of weeks back.
Last surviving parent.

Given how I felt when mine died- not that far back- I think it's easy to react emotionally to stuff and it's not the right time to start telling others what to do, if your own emotions are all over the place.

Take care OP

Flowers
Tlittle · 13/10/2021 15:36

Yes I would
One of my parents got a big inheritance they blew it all down the pub and gave us nothing.Didnt really bother me til they moaned how poor they are now and I think join the club lol

SofiaMichelle · 13/10/2021 15:40

I can imagine must be desperate to get your hands on the money, OP.

Daisy62 · 13/10/2021 15:42

She may still be doing her own financial planning, or getting around to it. Her inheritance would fund about 7 years in a nicer care home where I live - 7 years where she’d have some choices and her children wouldn’t need to worry about her so much. It’s a consideration for a lot of older people, especially if they’ve seen inside the cheaper council-funded care homes. It might just all be a lot for her to think about at the moment.

Original poster
Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 15:44

I think I’m feeling abit raw. My dad died 2 weeks ago and it’s his funeral tomorrow. We can barely afford it. He’s not even having flowers.

OP posts:
Anonymouseposter · 13/10/2021 15:45

It's a different world on here! People saying it's not that much Shock. I inherited £30,000 when my parents died, my husband inherited enough to buy a microwave. I split the £30,000 equally between me and my kids.
I have always worked in a medium paid job, (think teacher, health visitor range) and I feel quite comfortably off on £1400 per month with my mortgage paid off. I think it's mean not to share some of it. My Mum needed care for 5 years. It was impossible to tell who was self funding and who was funded by the local authority, the self funded people paid more but had no extra comfort.
My Mum had continuing health care as did other very dependent residents. People with modest savings who had scrimped and saved while their peers had spent on holidays etc. saw no benefit.
I also couldn't enjoy a villa in Spain if my children or grandchildren were struggling for basics.
I think it's mean not to treat the family unless there is a backstory but it also isn't very pleasant for the family to expect it. If she doesn't treat you then let it go and forget about it.

Mischance · 13/10/2021 15:47

I have come into about £20K and I am taking all my AC and GC on a French holiday next year - there will be 14 of us!

I have enough to live on - although a very very great deal less than your MIL!! - but why would I want to hoard it? I want to see my family enjoying themselves while I am around - I won't be able to enjoy that when I'm gone!

We shared a previous legacy of £60K several years ago - split it 3 ways between them and they used it for various things they needed, including house deposit, car etc. It fills me with joy when I visit the DD who used it for house deposit - I know that they would not have that house without my contribution.

My mortgage has been paid off for years, and my pension covers all my daily needs - I have a small amount of savings, which I hang on to in case car needs replacing; and so that I can have a holiday myself if I choose to.

I think £10K from MIL out of £450k is blooming stingy, assuming she only has herself to feed etc. and her housing costs are covered. If not, or she has no pension, then I guess she needs to hang onto her dosh; but if she has promised £10k she should honour that, or should not have said that in the first place.

TatianaBis · 13/10/2021 15:47

But she has inherited £450k and if she has an average price house that’s another £300k. So she has enough for 15 years in a care home. No one goes in for that long. If she’s not careful inheritance tax of £100k will be due. Better to give it away now.

This is just grabby, self-serving. First of all I know someone who spent 20 years in a care home as she died aged 101. A dementia patient could easily spend 10 years in care.

Secondly, good care homes in the SE start at 50k, depending on her care needs they could be 70-100k. And of course fees rise every year and will do so all the more due to rising energy and food costs.

Many want to stay in their own home you've only got the 450k.

People here may prioritise their own needs above elderly relatives but be assured when old age comes knocking on your door you will understand the value of a financially secure, safe, comfortable old age.

julieca · 13/10/2021 15:50

The average house price is about £220k, not £300k, and that hides huge variations. In plenty of areas of the country the average price is much lower. I am currently looking at buying a house for £40k.

Glitterblue · 13/10/2021 15:51

I absolutely would and my parents did when they inherited.

DrSbaitso · 13/10/2021 15:52

@julieca

The average house price is about £220k, not £300k, and that hides huge variations. In plenty of areas of the country the average price is much lower. I am currently looking at buying a house for £40k.
Where is that?? And what size?
julieca · 13/10/2021 15:54

A small terraced house. We don't all live in large houses.

Redwinestillfine · 13/10/2021 15:55

I never expected any of my parents inheritance to be passed on at the time and would not give my DC some automatically. Obviously they'll get it in the end from me when I die, but I would use the inheritance to pay off mortgage, etc then put it in savings. If the DC needed help with something small ( repairs to house/ new washing machine) I would use part of it but anything major would have to be considered in light of it in effect being their joint inheritance in my care. Soif one wanted£50k for a deposit it would needwroti g into the will so the other got £50k more when the time came.

Notresdames · 13/10/2021 15:55

@Jinnybean

I think I’m feeling abit raw. My dad died 2 weeks ago and it’s his funeral tomorrow. We can barely afford it. He’s not even having flowers.
Condolences.

I'd not worry about flowers. They are IMO a complete waste of money. I'd rather give to a charity. My dad had no flowers and didn't want any.

How about your dad's estate? Are you sorting that out? The money for a funeral usually comes out of the deceased's estate.

MrsSquirrel · 13/10/2021 15:55

@Jinnybean

I think I’m feeling abit raw. My dad died 2 weeks ago and it’s his funeral tomorrow. We can barely afford it. He’s not even having flowers.
Sorry for your loss OP Flowers
Notresdames · 13/10/2021 15:56

@julieca

A small terraced house. We don't all live in large houses.
Presumably Scotland or somewhere that is very very cheap.

The average house price in the UK is £270K

Nocutenamesleft · 13/10/2021 15:56

Ha

My dad said the same

Never saw a penny

IrishMel · 13/10/2021 15:56

I cannot understand how some are so tight with their money. She could afford to give something to her son to help with mortgage, new car, bills etc. Why can't they give a lump sum when you need it. It annoys me when people say oh I would give money but want to dictate what the person then spends it on. That is just controlling behaviour. I would let your husband deal with it as better coming from him. Some people just so mean with their money when they could help their own children. Any money I have in future will be for my son.

Original poster
Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 15:57

He didn’t have anything. Tell a lie, about £500.
He had a stroke 15 years ago and was completely disabled and lived in a council bungalow after losing their house as he was self employed.
My mum died when I was 19.

OP posts:
Notresdames · 13/10/2021 15:58

@Jinnybean

He didn’t have anything. Tell a lie, about £500. He had a stroke 15 years ago and was completely disabled and lived in a council bungalow after losing their house as he was self employed. My mum died when I was 19.
It may be too late now, if the funeral is so soon, but you can apply for a benefits sum to help with funerals.
episcomama · 13/10/2021 15:59

@WhatATimeToBeAlive, you do realize everyone dies eventually? Very few of us will escape grief and loss. The difference is that some people will also get great financial enrichment from that. I, on the other hand, will not.

It's still incredibly fortunate to receive financial gifts, wherever they come from. Especially to the tune of almost half a million pounds, as in the OP.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 13/10/2021 16:00

I would. My parents gave me enough to get me on the property ladder when my dear grandma died. I expect (hope) to be able to do the same for my dc someday. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't - unless perhaps she has used it all to pay off her mortgage and thinks that he will get it eventually when she goes so it makes no difference?

julieca · 13/10/2021 16:01

The north of England.
The median house price for the whole of England is £143,000.

knittingaddict · 13/10/2021 16:01

Yes I would, but not necessarily just give them an amount of money. We have received considerably less than that in the past and have then given them money as needed ie house deposit etc.

I would be far less inclined to give my adult children money if they expected it, felt they were entitled to it or asked for it (other than in real need or emergency).

a1poshpaws · 13/10/2021 16:01

I'd share with my son, but I clicked YABU because it's her money and she's under no obligation to give even a penny away. However if she told your DH that she'd give him £10k then it's mean of her to renage on that - IF she clearly meant now, and not when she dies.

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