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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
Marelle · 13/10/2021 14:09

Marelle then you will have zero choice about where you go and no money to pay for things to make your life better
If you pay £2k to live in a care home that’s £1k for yourself and £1k you’re being overcharged to pay for the person sitting beside you who is getting the same care without paying a penny. It’s smarter to be the guy who’s getting it for free.

In any case, if I’m in a care home I’m probably away with the mixer and have no idea where I am, so my surroundings don’t matter. Or I’m dying and no amount of fancy surroundings will make that ok. I’d prefer to give my money to my DC who would actually benefit from it. I love my DC more than myself, I’ll happily suffer a shitty few years at the end if it sets them up for life.

WoodchipNightmares · 13/10/2021 14:09

@TatianaBis On the flip side, if the adult DGC have been able to get on the housing ladder and stop spending money on rent then there's a much better chance that they will be able to
a) help out their parents in old age - either financially or by reducing their hours to provide care
b) be able to pay their own care home fees in old age - at the moment I think we're heading towards a situation where many millenials spend their entire lives renting, and consequently have a particularly miserable retirement of their own, still renting.

DameFanny · 13/10/2021 14:10

Doesn't matter what anyone else would do, because she's demonstrated that she's not a woman of her word. And all you can do is be wary of any other promises she might make in the future. Sorry.

megletthesecond · 13/10/2021 14:11

Yes.

MalagaNights · 13/10/2021 14:12

@Biker47 Noticed there are a lot of controlling people on here who would only give it if they approved the use of it to be worthwhile to them, much rather let the person decide how to use it, if they want to piss it all away, they can crack on.

Yes my decision would be conditional.
The condition would be: I want to.

And many factors would influence that.
Anyone who gives or does anything without any condition is a fool.

pinkhampoppy · 13/10/2021 14:15

She's only had it a month, give her chance.

Gastonia · 13/10/2021 14:15

Noticed there are a lot of controlling people on here who would only give it if they approved the use of it to be worthwhile to them, much rather let the person decide how to use it, if they want to piss it all away, they can crack on.
If my DC were going to piss my money away, then I'd rather do it for them Smile As it is, they are very sensible, and so I'd be happy to pass the money on.

BruceAndNosh · 13/10/2021 14:15

If she only got the money a month ago, you are being a bit premature wondering where your "cut" is.
For all you know, she is consulting a Financial Planner on the most tax efficient way of redistributing some funds, and your DH will get his bung when she is good and ready

User112 · 13/10/2021 14:15

It’s super annoying that the DIL is more worried about it than the son. If I’m not sharing and my son isn’t bothered, others can fuck off. Or perhaps OP ask your own parents for money?

Firstly, it’s your MILs inheritance. What others in a similar situation would do - that’s irrelevant. She can do what she likes with it. If you be nice to her and stop being grabby, she’ll leave some for her son and DIL in her inheritance.
It’s incredibly grabby to have expectations from someone inheritance!

If she is helping one sibling and leaving out another, it’s another story. Then too, you can’t do much - can you?

pointythings · 13/10/2021 14:16

Well, I did. After my husband and my mum died, I ended up with £300k, so as well as investing a chunk and doing up the garden, I've given my kids £50k each.

My parents gave Dsis and me chunks of money when they inherited too.

TrueGrit54 · 13/10/2021 14:17

Yes of course.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/10/2021 14:18

She has had the money a month.

If DH wants to give her advice the advice is to sit down with a financial advisor to see how her future is planned out and covered first. She may need to consider care home/other costs in the future.

Then after that consider the most tax efficient way she can gift some money to children or grandchildren if she wished to. If you have DC it usually makes more sense to put this kind of gift into trust for DC when they grow up.

Polmuggle · 13/10/2021 14:19

My mum did. She inherited £500k when her parents died and gave it all straight to me and my siblings. She didn't need it as was mortgage free and comfortable. It got us comfortably on the housing ladder.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/10/2021 14:19

She has had the money a month huh? it's been a year

piisnot3 · 13/10/2021 14:20

A couple of decades ago my parent inherited a similar amount from my DGP.
Parent was already financially secure with 3 properties owned outright, high income, final salary pension. They used the inheritance to buy another 2 properties outright.
They gave my only sibling the 5% deposit and paid for extensive refurbishments to their newly bought property. I was on a low income at the time and having trouble getting a mortgage. So naturally they gave me ... nothing.
DP and I rented for another 7 years, scrimped and saved for a deposit. However in that 7 years, prices went up so much that we were no closer. I eventually left a career I loved and retrained in one I hated in order to get on the housing ladder.
When my parent had been in similar situation, struggling financially in the early 80s, the DGP from whom they later inherited gave them a 30% deposit so that they wouldn't be stuck renting and could get on with their lives.

I will never forgive them.

GrandTheftWalrus · 13/10/2021 14:21

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

She has had the money a month huh? it's been a year
She said the MIL received the money a month ago.
QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 14:22

@DameFanny

Doesn't matter what anyone else would do, because she's demonstrated that she's not a woman of her word. And all you can do is be wary of any other promises she might make in the future. Sorry.

ffs she's only had the money 4 bloomin weeks 🙄

TatianaBis · 13/10/2021 14:22

[quote WoodchipNightmares]@TatianaBis On the flip side, if the adult DGC have been able to get on the housing ladder and stop spending money on rent then there's a much better chance that they will be able to
a) help out their parents in old age - either financially or by reducing their hours to provide care
b) be able to pay their own care home fees in old age - at the moment I think we're heading towards a situation where many millenials spend their entire lives renting, and consequently have a particularly miserable retirement of their own, still renting.[/quote]
But what about the elderly person who actually inherited the money. Why are FFW to the children who may be able to pay for their own care fees rather than the person who actually inherited the money??

Why should the children get that at the expense of their relative's own care fees?

Unless they have substantial incomes they're highly unlikely to be able to help out with care given the eyewatering costs, if the inheritance money has been sunk in buying a house.

Porcupineintherough · 13/10/2021 14:24

@OnlyFoolsnMothers probate.

Fifthtimelucky · 13/10/2021 14:24

We have done this twice. My husband varied the wills to share his inheritance with his children.

I can't imagine inheriting £450k and not sharing it with my children.

olidora63 · 13/10/2021 14:28

I inherited half that amount and my children know there is a set amount that I will give them as and when necessary. Unfortunately not enough where we live for a deposit but enough to make a difference if they are in need.

Lollipop444 · 13/10/2021 14:28

@piisnot3

A couple of decades ago my parent inherited a similar amount from my DGP. Parent was already financially secure with 3 properties owned outright, high income, final salary pension. They used the inheritance to buy another 2 properties outright. They gave my only sibling the 5% deposit and paid for extensive refurbishments to their newly bought property. I was on a low income at the time and having trouble getting a mortgage. So naturally they gave me ... nothing. DP and I rented for another 7 years, scrimped and saved for a deposit. However in that 7 years, prices went up so much that we were no closer. I eventually left a career I loved and retrained in one I hated in order to get on the housing ladder. When my parent had been in similar situation, struggling financially in the early 80s, the DGP from whom they later inherited gave them a 30% deposit so that they wouldn't be stuck renting and could get on with their lives.

I will never forgive them.

Why did they treat your sibling and you so differently?
QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 14:28

@Fifthtimelucky

We have done this twice. My husband varied the wills to share his inheritance with his children.

I can't imagine inheriting £450k and not sharing it with my children.

the Lady has had the money 4 weeks...

4 WEEKS

dottiedodah · 13/10/2021 14:28

I think I would .However surely it doesnt matter what we would do on here .Technically its MIL money and she can do with it what she wants! Give her time yet ,she may decide to gift some in a few months time .

BruceAndNosh · 13/10/2021 14:30

If some of the posters on here were my offspring, I'd be changing my will to leave most of it to charity