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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

548 replies

Jinnybean · 13/10/2021 12:39

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

OP posts:
Middersweekly · 13/10/2021 21:12

My DM only inherited a very small amount when her Mum and Step dad had both passed away. She used it to pay off remaining mortgage on her home. DF got more when his mum died and yes he gave me and my brother a portion each. I will do the same with my 4 DC and give them a proportion of inheritance each to hopefully help them get on the property ladder.

thinkbiglittleone · 13/10/2021 21:14

Yes, in a heartbeat if they needed it.

If they didn't immediately need it, I would probably give them a chunk for a luxury holiday or something they might not normally spend their own money on.

readwhatiactuallysay · 13/10/2021 21:17

Our DS could have it, yes.
You share the wealth in a family and make everyones life that little bit easier

Gwenhwyfar · 13/10/2021 21:21

"10k buys my dad another year living at home which is where he desperately wants to stay."

At home. Not in a care home then.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/10/2021 21:31

re: inheritance tax it has a year limit, if I give my child 200k but live 20 further years it isn’t considered part of the estate
You made it sound like there were limits independent on inheritance tax

There are limits on tax free gifts independent of inheritance tax.

The poster was pretty clear - its an annual tax free gift of 3k but above that there is tax to pay.

Separately from that there may be inheritance liabilities to consider depending on the size of gift and the time before death.

If you give your child 200k in one calendar year then most of it is subject to tax. If you die within 7yrs of that gift then there may be separate estate liability issue to resolve with HMRC.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/10/2021 21:36

@Dontgetyerknicksinatwist

Your mil sounds very selfish and self centred.
The OP's DGFiL's estate has only just been settled, the OP already has their hand out complaining that they expected a wodge of cash and its the MiL who is self centred?

Verily where there's a Will there are relatives.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 13/10/2021 21:38

I don't really know. My in-laws inherited a similar amount a year or so ago and I think they're planning on using it for retirement.

expat101 · 13/10/2021 21:39

Yes I would most definitely share it with my children however I know of one couple who aren’t, simply because they anticipate the marriage of the son to dissolve and are waiting it out.

Hont1986 · 13/10/2021 21:40

I wouldn't hesitate to give £10k when they needed it, for a deposit or IVF or whatever it might be, but I don't think I would give it just as a "here, I got this, you have some too".

Twocanplay · 13/10/2021 21:59

Yes

Billandben444 · 13/10/2021 22:06

There are limits on tax free gifts independent of inheritance tax. The poster was pretty clear - its an annual tax free gift of 3k but above that there is tax to pay. Separately from that there may be inheritance liabilities to consider depending on the size of gift and the time before death. If you give your child 200k in one calendar year then most of it is subject to tax. If you die within 7yrs of that gift then there may be separate estate liability issue to resolve with HMRC.
This is untrue.

  1. Deed of Variation changes a will so you can pass on inherited money without it coming from your estate.
  2. The recipient pays no tax of any sort on the gift.
  3. There will only be tax to pay on any income arising from investing the gift.
AuntieObnoxious · 13/10/2021 22:14

When my dad’s mum (my Nan) died he gave me & my brother each £10,000 from the inheritance. My mum’s mum died a couple of years ago and I thought she would do the same as my dad (they’re married and comfortably well off). She didn’t, it’s her choice but it did strike me as a bit odd.
I had given up my job & was training to be a teacher and my husband had started his own business so money was very tight at the time.

Notresdames · 13/10/2021 22:20

@Billandben444

There are limits on tax free gifts independent of inheritance tax. The poster was pretty clear - its an annual tax free gift of 3k but above that there is tax to pay. Separately from that there may be inheritance liabilities to consider depending on the size of gift and the time before death. If you give your child 200k in one calendar year then most of it is subject to tax. If you die within 7yrs of that gift then there may be separate estate liability issue to resolve with HMRC. This is untrue.
  1. Deed of Variation changes a will so you can pass on inherited money without it coming from your estate.
  2. The recipient pays no tax of any sort on the gift.
  3. There will only be tax to pay on any income arising from investing the gift.
It's not fair to say all of that post is untrue @Billandben444.

A Deed of Variation is what a solicitor must put in place usually after a death.

It's not always/ usually the deceased who does this but the person inheriting the estate.

You can give away what you want.
But if you die within 7 years, it is possible that HMRC will view large sums and unexpected amounts as a means of avoiding inheritance tax and investigate.

If a son/ daughter inherits, (for example) from a parent, they can pass that amount directly to their child(ren) through a Deed of Variation .

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 13/10/2021 22:48

@Dontgetyerknicksinatwist

Your mil sounds very selfish and self centred.
Why? The money is very recent and was left to her not her DIL.
choli · 13/10/2021 23:02

Your mil sounds very selfish and self centred.
Yes. If she was even halfway decent she would hand the whole lot over to her DIL, and sell her house and give her DIL that money as well. Because she owes her big time ...Hmm

Thehouseofmarvels · 13/10/2021 23:06

@supersimkin2 So your grandparents wrote that you should recieve x amount from their estate in their will and your parents chose not to give it to you? You do realise this is not legal and that you could still pursue them for the money? An Executor keeping money from a will that was left to someone else is fraud. I understand you might not want to do this due to not wanting to upset your parents but you could in theory, sue.

Thehouseofmarvels · 13/10/2021 23:11

@supersimkin2 you could post on legal.. only if you care about this though. If you don't need the money and would not want to upset parents by being what they might see as grabby no worries.

QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 23:20

@choli

Your mil sounds very selfish and self centred. Yes. If she was even halfway decent she would hand the whole lot over to her DIL, and sell her house and give her DIL that money as well. Because she owes her big time ...Hmm

😂🤣

PrincessNutella · 14/10/2021 00:13

The money your mother-in-law inherits really has nothing to do with you. It is just part of her estate. People in their older years should hopefully have had time to amass a fairly large amount of money, through the power of compounded interest. They may or may not need that money to care for themselves and not bankrupt their children when they are in a state of decline. A parent may share a bit of money with you, but you are not entitled to it.

SeasonFinale · 14/10/2021 00:23

Maybe she doesn't have good pension provision and she has been advised to put it in a pension.

WoodchipNightmares · 14/10/2021 02:05

10k buys my dad another year living at home which is where he desperately wants to stay.

The OPs MIL has inherited £450k. It's highly unlikely that she will need carers visiting for 45 years, or anywhere near it.

She may need to go into a care home though. That rips through money.

---

Care homes are, ballpark, £50k per year.

State pension is £9300 per year. Seeing as we're looking at savings and their depletion, we can offset that against the cost of a care home. So, let's call the net cost of a care home £40k/year ish; less if there's a private pension that you can also offset.

£450k would cover over 11 years in a care home.

The average resident survives for just 2 years. An 11 year stay for a frail elderly person is almost unheard of.

On top of that, she's got her own home and the proceeds of the sale of that, and presumably some pre-existing personal savings too.

There's no way she needs £450k to cover care costs.

BathMatToe · 14/10/2021 04:16

@Cruiser11

I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.
Will the others get 70k?
BathMatToe · 14/10/2021 04:42

@MalagaNights

I love the assumptions that older people that inherit basically have no life to use the money, nothing they might wnat to do, and they should selflessly give the money away.

What if you've always dreamed of a villa in Spain? Why shouldn't you buy one and enjoy it?
Or if you'd like to go on a world cuise and have a garden room built?
what if your son or DIL are hyper critical hard nosed selfish idiots who barely give you the time of day.

Everyone just seems to assume: old people shouldn't want things, they should be selfless, adult children will need it more, adult children deserve it.

I think it depends on so much.

Yes this. It's all 'she's mortgage freeeeeee.... where's my money!?'

Once you hit 60. Just hand over the keys to your car, house, savings and give it to the kids and grandkids.

RedHelenB · 14/10/2021 04:54

@Cruiser11

I inherited 100k and bought a flat for my eldest DC using 70k of the inheritance as a deposit. I have 2 other DC who are early 20’s and I’ve put the rest away for them for when they need it, wedding, flat, car etc. I spend the money I make on the 30k on myself.
That seems very unfair on the younger ones.why not 30 000 each?
BathMatToe · 14/10/2021 04:56

Sorry Op just read you lost your dad recently.
My mum got money for dad's funeral as she was cash poor. You can apply to the council I think it is, they covered 2k of the costs.

Sorry for your loss.
PM me and I'll order him some flowers direct from a florist if you're still struggling. X