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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being precious or would this not bother you?

283 replies

Pinkpanther6878 · 12/10/2021 23:45

In large DIY department store today,needed to use loo, and which are located through a door in corner of store that then opens into corridor (about say 7/8 meters long) with female and male toilet doors separately going off this corridor, and disabled toilet at end of corridor. Except now the separate male and female toilets (usually for customer use) are locked and only for staff use, not sure why but anyway signs saying to use disabled toilet, of which there is only one, so therefore unisex. I proceed down corridor, the disabled toilet door of which is wide open (and wide open into corridor, it's a pull door to get in not push). I become aware of sound of someone urinating,so I stop well before door,and shortly after a middle aged man walks out,still messing with his fly. I give him slightly unapproving look but he just carries on past me in corridor looking totally vacant. To add he also didnt bother flushing the toilet, so I was greeted by toilet full of dark slightly frothy urine,nor did he put seat down,but I probably am being picky on that latter point.
Anyway more I think about it the more I am feeling bit disturbed,even violated by the whole thing. Like this man didnt care about closing let alone locking the door, so anyone could have walked in on him plus the lack of respect not flushing afterwards, just seems really gross and off. Also as a single 30 something female am feeling especially conscious at moment of needing safe space etc, and be nice if men were conscious of this too, not actively making no effort. Just to add, this man was a member of the public/customer, not a staff member.
Yes YABU - thinking too much into it,get over it.
No YANBU - it is concerning

OP posts:
Chikapu · 14/10/2021 20:59

@Franca123

I had my arse grabbed in broad day light on a busy street. And I'm sorry of this is too 'shrieky' but I felt violated. Two male friends told me I was making too much of a fuss about it because I was pissed off. This is what people do and they are wrong. Women do not have to put up with this shit.
How you've managed to equate the two things is astonishing. Nothing happened to the OP other than hearing a man pee because he hadn't closed the door. He didn't touch her or expose himself to her. Yes it was gross that he didn't flush but it isn't assault or a violation.
MiddlesexGirl · 14/10/2021 21:01

If the guy didn't have his flies done up then at the very least his pants would have been on display. That's not acceptable.

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 22:00

What i am trying to say is that people minimise. People minimise whenever or whatever boundaries you feel have been crossed. The important thing is, you have established a perfectly reasonable boundary and some man chose to cross that. And that's not ok. People will tell you that it is ok but it is not ok so ignore them.

CatonMat · 14/10/2021 22:07

So, a lot of you wouldn't object to your husband/partner forgetting to close the door or flush if your mum/boss/teen's friends were visiting?
They should get a grip if they find it unpleasant.

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 22:18

People's expectations for appropriate male behaviour is so low.

NiceGerbil · 15/10/2021 02:40

Those who think ok don't make a fuss you're being silly etc.

The sign up in a restaurant where ladies had just had sign changed. Gappy cubicles. Man washing his hands when I came out glared at me v hostile Atmos.

4 cubiclesi think. Two women signs two men. This sign up.

Sign is silly? No need for it? They put it up because... Guessing female staff or customers complained... So... They were prissy? No problem?

Girl in on own in that set up? Men peeing doors open? No problem..?

Am I being precious or would this not bother you?
Franca123 · 15/10/2021 08:13

I think leaving the cubicle door open in mixed sex facilities is common. I've certainly seen it a fair bit. One of the many reason I hate that we are loosing female only facilities.

TrishM80 · 15/10/2021 09:21

There's a lot of very fucking fragile people on this thread.

Beamur · 15/10/2021 09:28

Why fragile? That's a very 'snowflake' level of criticism.

waylander · 15/10/2021 10:36

@MiddlesexGirl

I can't remember the last time I found a toilet seat up in a ladies toilet. And it is vile having to touch the toilet seat to put it down .... so please keep the men out of the ladies loos.
Hang on there - bit a double standards surely? It's ok for a bloke to touch a disgusting toilet seat but not a woman?
Hankunamatata · 15/10/2021 10:39

I use disabled toilet due to disabled dc. Crap like this happens all.the time

Franca123 · 15/10/2021 10:48

I have a disabled family member. She hates that she has to use the same loo as men. I get that lots of women don't mind seeing strange men piss. But why can't they respect that lots of women don't want to see that? Why are they hell bent on ensuring women don't have access to single sex facilities? I hate all sorts of things but I respect that other people want / feel they need / like them.

CounsellorTroi · 15/10/2021 10:51

How do women feel about men cleaning female toilets? Is that ok?

Franca123 · 15/10/2021 10:53

I'm not fragile at all. I just feel I fully understand why some men do these things and why some women support them in it. And I don't like it.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 15/10/2021 10:55

@CounsellorTroi

How do women feel about men cleaning female toilets? Is that ok?
I have never in my life encountered inappropriate or aggressive behaviour from a male cleaner in women’s toilets, so yes.
GoldChick · 15/10/2021 10:59

@CounsellorTroi

How do women feel about men cleaning female toilets? Is that ok?
I'm fine with it as long as they don't have their penis out or behave inappropriately.
GoldChick · 15/10/2021 10:59

They also usually put a sign up for anyone who isn't ok with it.

CounsellorTroi · 15/10/2021 11:01

I have no problem with it either, was just wondering.

risefromyourgrave · 15/10/2021 11:22

Fucking hell, are we really infantilising men so much that we’re saying it’s too hard for them to shut the door when having a piss in a public place? I’m sure if I was a bloke I wouldn’t want to risk anyone walking in on me, whether it was just my covered bum they saw or not. Confused

DillonPanthersTexas · 15/10/2021 11:26

Half the time the locks on public toilets are broken so you have to do that hover above the seat with your arm outstretched to stop the door swinging open. Good ski training

GrolliffetheDragon · 15/10/2021 12:16

@CounsellorTroi

How do women feel about men cleaning female toilets? Is that ok?
Only time I went in a toilet with a male cleaner, it had a sign on the door telling me he was in there, and he asked me to leave and wait for him to finish cleaning. So he was obviously as uncomfortable as I was, but presumably not desperate for the loo.

And all the excuses for the man in the OP! He didn't just not lock the door, he left it open! And yes, perhaps he had dementia or diabetes or whatever... but when I've been somewhere with unisex toilets over a couple of decades, there appears to be a number of men who do not lock the door when there are people they don't know around. I add that because every man I know - family, co-workers etc - I have never accidentally walked in on them because they lock the damn door.

Now I'm sure sometimes it's accidental, but it's never, ever happened in the women's toilets unless a lock has been broken, and then it's always been held from the other side so I've felt resistance and known straightaway there was someone in there and apologised.

I'm just astonished and dismayed that anyone thinks this was ok.

Franca123 · 15/10/2021 12:57

This thread very neatly explains to me why feminism is totally fucked in this country. Women are our own worst enemy. Not only do loads of women want men to have everything they want, they also shout down and ridicule other women who want to stand up against men. It's a miracle that women's rights reached the high tide mark that they did. Now let's all just watch as we loose our rights one by one.

girlmom21 · 15/10/2021 14:18

Only time I went in a toilet with a male cleaner, it had a sign on the door telling me he was in there, and he asked me to leave and wait for him to finish cleaning. So he was obviously as uncomfortable as I was, but presumably not desperate for the loo.

Or he was protecting himself as there's always a chance of him being accused of something simply because he's male.

2Two · 15/10/2021 16:20

Now let's all just watch as we loose our rights one by one

How the fuck does one man using a unisex toilet constitute a loss of women's rights?

Franca123 · 15/10/2021 16:28

It's fine to disagree with me bit I'm not going to explain again something I've already explained if you bothered to read my posts. Read them again and then tell me why I'm wrong.

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