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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being precious or would this not bother you?

283 replies

Pinkpanther6878 · 12/10/2021 23:45

In large DIY department store today,needed to use loo, and which are located through a door in corner of store that then opens into corridor (about say 7/8 meters long) with female and male toilet doors separately going off this corridor, and disabled toilet at end of corridor. Except now the separate male and female toilets (usually for customer use) are locked and only for staff use, not sure why but anyway signs saying to use disabled toilet, of which there is only one, so therefore unisex. I proceed down corridor, the disabled toilet door of which is wide open (and wide open into corridor, it's a pull door to get in not push). I become aware of sound of someone urinating,so I stop well before door,and shortly after a middle aged man walks out,still messing with his fly. I give him slightly unapproving look but he just carries on past me in corridor looking totally vacant. To add he also didnt bother flushing the toilet, so I was greeted by toilet full of dark slightly frothy urine,nor did he put seat down,but I probably am being picky on that latter point.
Anyway more I think about it the more I am feeling bit disturbed,even violated by the whole thing. Like this man didnt care about closing let alone locking the door, so anyone could have walked in on him plus the lack of respect not flushing afterwards, just seems really gross and off. Also as a single 30 something female am feeling especially conscious at moment of needing safe space etc, and be nice if men were conscious of this too, not actively making no effort. Just to add, this man was a member of the public/customer, not a staff member.
Yes YABU - thinking too much into it,get over it.
No YANBU - it is concerning

OP posts:
Threebillygoatsgruff · 13/10/2021 12:04

It's revolting but not surprising. If the toilets in a coffee house like Starbucks can be as filthy as they most often are I am not surprised that the people using the toilets in a DIY store will not close the door or flush after using. I'd choose where I wee more carefully in future Smile

TheOrigRights · 13/10/2021 12:07

I think it's disgusting. I don't want to see strangers urinating, male or female, nor see their wee in the toilet bowl or watch them as they leave the cubicle without washing their hands.

2Two · 13/10/2021 12:15

@TheOrigRights

I think it's disgusting. I don't want to see strangers urinating, male or female, nor see their wee in the toilet bowl or watch them as they leave the cubicle without washing their hands.
I agree with all that, but it has nothing to do with the fact that there was shared use of one toilet - unfortunately I'm seen it all in public Ladies' toilets.
friendlycat · 13/10/2021 12:17

It's very grim but I wouldn't feel violated.
I hate public lavatories full stop and try not to use them at all costs.

I have also seen some horrible sights in female loos as well.

2Two · 13/10/2021 12:19

@PrawnofthePatriarchy

This happened to me on a train. The man hadn't shut the door and didn't even look embarrassed when I pulled the door open (I couldn't hear him urinating because of the noise of the train). I think it's a form of exhibitionism.
That can happen all too easily on a train - people can genuinely think they've locked the door properly when they haven't. Unless you stood there staring at him I doubt that he necessarily had time to register embarrassment before you turned away.
TheOrigRights · 13/10/2021 12:20

I think it's disgusting. I don't want to see strangers urinating, male or female, nor see their wee in the toilet bowl or watch them as they leave the cubicle without washing their hands.

I agree with all that, but it has nothing to do with the fact that there was shared use of one toilet - unfortunately I'm seen it all in public Ladies' toilets.

In a sense, though I do think in general that mens public toilets are far worse than womens. You just have to walk past the door - they often stink.

Cloudhopping · 13/10/2021 12:21

Not a nice experience but I don’t think most men would urinate with the door wide open. I think you were just unfortunate. I’m not sure I would feel violated.

SpeakingFranglais · 13/10/2021 12:22

I don’t feel any less conscious of needing safe spaces just because I’m not single or in my 30s.

For that alone YABU.

I do agree it’s a horrible arrangement though and he was a dirty, entitled and unaware lazy prick of a man.

Pyewackect · 13/10/2021 12:23

@LegArmpits

Were you going to follow it up with something more precious? Like a poo?
Hope you took some PooPourii with you. You don't want to take the whole of ironmungery out !. Wink
ChaToilLeam · 13/10/2021 12:26

This is precisely why I don’t like or want mixed facilities. Men are often absolutely manky when it comes to toilet hygiene and courtesy, and I don’t want to be confronted with that. They might just want to pee - well me too, in a clean space and away from men.

deleteasappropriate · 13/10/2021 12:28

@Dillydollydingdong

With all this woke thinking, it looks like lots of public loos are likely to go unisex very soon. I think we're all going to have to get used to the idea of men sharing public loos. And many of them are likely to be thoughtless, casual, and uncaring. I don't like it either.
Why should we roll over and accept this? It's unacceptable and we need to make sure these companies know it.
gogohm · 13/10/2021 12:32

Bit grim but it's the man not the store at fault. Customer toilets are a courtesy, they don't have to, so having a unisex disabled toilet is better than none. If shops over a certain size had to have just one it would help so many people.

ZombieEthel · 13/10/2021 12:41

I understand where you're coming from OP. Last week I was at a shopping centre and overheard a young guy bragging to his mates about how a 'girl' (his word but think he meant young woman) had just burst in on him in the loo as he'd not locked it properly - think he'd been in a unisex shop toilet - and he was laughing about it and how he'd 'pissed all over the seat'. He then said - and this is the bit that made me feel sick - 'at least she got to see my big dick' to much laughter from his mates.

I couldn't tell if he had done it 'accidentally' or 'accidentally on purpose' but it was disturbing to overhear. I would not be surprised if some men do it intentionally. I also think some men intentionally leave the loo in a state because they get off on causing disgust to women.

RedMarauder · 13/10/2021 12:41

@EmmalineC

The only thing that would concern me about this incident is that he didn't wash his hands and headed back into the shop, sprinkling pee germs over everything he touched.
This.

Lots of coffee shops, small restaurants and small petrol stations have one toilet.

It has to be unisex, disability friendly and baby change friendly.

Oh and I know men who don't like using them because they are disgusting. However I've been to their bathrooms in their own homes and their bathrooms are spotless. And no they didn't live with a woman.

HowardNoir · 13/10/2021 12:45

I don't mind who uses the toilet before me, but everyone should leave it in the state they found it. Flushed loo and seat down isn't asking for much. Users should definitely lock the door. I wouldn't come out of a public toilet with my skirt pulled up so why should he come out with his fly undone?

It seems more and more common that accessible toilets are the only toilet available, and they're usually made inaccessible by able people. But that's a whole other thing to grumble about.

CounsellorTroi · 13/10/2021 13:08

@ZombieEthel

I understand where you're coming from OP. Last week I was at a shopping centre and overheard a young guy bragging to his mates about how a 'girl' (his word but think he meant young woman) had just burst in on him in the loo as he'd not locked it properly - think he'd been in a unisex shop toilet - and he was laughing about it and how he'd 'pissed all over the seat'. He then said - and this is the bit that made me feel sick - 'at least she got to see my big dick' to much laughter from his mates.

I couldn't tell if he had done it 'accidentally' or 'accidentally on purpose' but it was disturbing to overhear. I would not be surprised if some men do it intentionally. I also think some men intentionally leave the loo in a state because they get off on causing disgust to women.

I doubt he did it on purpose, he was probably startled by someone bursting in on him, as anyone would be.
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 13/10/2021 13:23

I doubt he did it on purpose, he was probably startled by someone bursting in on him, as anyone would be.

Hmmm so startled that he just had to brag about exposing himself to a young woman. Poor guy. How traumatic for him.

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/10/2021 13:26

I don’t know what you expect. People are disgusting.
I’ve run into plenty of disgusting leavings in toilets...both unisex and female.
I agree men tend to be worse than women.
But honestly, this is a minor annoyance.

ILoveJamaica · 13/10/2021 14:10

Anyway more I think about it the more I am feeling bit disturbed, even violated by the whole thing

Sorry, but my eyes rolled back in my head at this comment. How were you violated by a bit of piss in a toilet?

Guetzlibache · 13/10/2021 14:29

There ought to be a special lesson in school for boys:how to use a loo! Absolutely disgusting.I would have straight gone to the store manager and complaint

CityMumma78 · 13/10/2021 14:30

It’s absolutely disgusting and I would be shocked and a bit disturbed too!!! I’m shocked so many people on MN are either on the fence, think it’s acceptor are fending him because he’s a man and that’s what they do!
This is why I am anti-unisex facilities like changing rooms or toilets because as a young female and a mother to girl I would feel vulnerable.

EmeraldShamrock · 13/10/2021 14:39

There ought to be a special lesson in school for boys:how to use a loo! Absolutely disgusting.
DD left primary last year in her classroom the boys toilets were destroyed daily, the school cleaners left notes on the white board "stop urinating on the floor" teacher was often livid as the boys weren't flushing poo the smell would spread through the classroom.
She had to do a regular flush check.
Bathrooms are in classroom in primary schools.

TheOrigRights · 13/10/2021 14:41

@Guetzlibache

There ought to be a special lesson in school for boys:how to use a loo! Absolutely disgusting.I would have straight gone to the store manager and complaint
I've taught both my sons how to use the toilet (among other things I hasten to add).
JoborPlay · 13/10/2021 14:45

I think it's rude and unpleasant rather than disturbing. I know in some city centres they have urinals on the street.

ClinkeyMonkey · 13/10/2021 14:49

Sorry, but my eyes rolled back in my head at this comment. How were you violated by a bit of piss in a toilet?

I think this is rather disingenuous. You actually quoted the OP who said she felt 'violated by the whole thing', then you only mentioned the piss in the toilet.

A man used a unisex toilet with the door open and, while I think 'violated' seems a bit dramatic, it's the fact that this man was happy to expose his genitals to whoever came along and it was just luck that the OP didn't arrive any sooner. Is using a public toilet with the door open considered ok now? Most likely he was just being inconsiderate and lazy in not closing the door, but if leaving toilet doors open isn't such a big deal, it paves the way for certain types of men with to get away with exposing themselves, claiming that all they did was leave the door open. They were in a hurry. They thought there was nobody about. Etc etc.