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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being precious or would this not bother you?

283 replies

Pinkpanther6878 · 12/10/2021 23:45

In large DIY department store today,needed to use loo, and which are located through a door in corner of store that then opens into corridor (about say 7/8 meters long) with female and male toilet doors separately going off this corridor, and disabled toilet at end of corridor. Except now the separate male and female toilets (usually for customer use) are locked and only for staff use, not sure why but anyway signs saying to use disabled toilet, of which there is only one, so therefore unisex. I proceed down corridor, the disabled toilet door of which is wide open (and wide open into corridor, it's a pull door to get in not push). I become aware of sound of someone urinating,so I stop well before door,and shortly after a middle aged man walks out,still messing with his fly. I give him slightly unapproving look but he just carries on past me in corridor looking totally vacant. To add he also didnt bother flushing the toilet, so I was greeted by toilet full of dark slightly frothy urine,nor did he put seat down,but I probably am being picky on that latter point.
Anyway more I think about it the more I am feeling bit disturbed,even violated by the whole thing. Like this man didnt care about closing let alone locking the door, so anyone could have walked in on him plus the lack of respect not flushing afterwards, just seems really gross and off. Also as a single 30 something female am feeling especially conscious at moment of needing safe space etc, and be nice if men were conscious of this too, not actively making no effort. Just to add, this man was a member of the public/customer, not a staff member.
Yes YABU - thinking too much into it,get over it.
No YANBU - it is concerning

OP posts:
PostcodeJack · 14/10/2021 14:13

@Franca123

Are we actually moving to a place where the majority want to decriminalise flashing?
How was this flashing?
PostcodeJack · 14/10/2021 14:15

@TheOrigRights
I'm not a man either but I'm not sure why you need to wash your hands after doing up a zip

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 14:15

Well it's not not flashing

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/10/2021 14:15

@Franca123
What has flashing to do with this? Having a wee in a public toilet whilst alone is not flashing and it’s disrespectful of flashing victims to conflate the two.

TheOrigRights · 14/10/2021 14:21

[quote PostcodeJack]@TheOrigRights
I'm not a man either but I'm not sure why you need to wash your hands after doing up a zip[/quote]
Because flies are near your pants, which contain a penis with drips?
Men are not pulling pants down so prob have drips on them?

Also it seems normal to do yourself up and then wash hands, not wash hands with your flies undone?

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 14:22

Jesus Christ. I apologise. Let's just let the men do what they want.

PostcodeJack · 14/10/2021 14:24

@TheOrigRights

I'd assumed that the penis had been put away at the point of doing up the flies. I do appreciate that I'm missing the point of this thread!

Chikapu · 14/10/2021 14:49

@Franca123

Are we actually moving to a place where the majority want to decriminalise flashing?
He didn't flash anyone, the OP does not say she saw his penis. As other's have pointed out he would have had his back to her.
Chikapu · 14/10/2021 14:52

so I stop well before door

Those are the OPs actual words, she didn't see any part of the man until he'd left the toilet. No one was flashed a penis, he didn't expose himself to her. He should have closed the door for definite but he never violated anyone.

SockFluffInTheBath · 14/10/2021 14:56

It all sounds gross OP but you need to move on. He’s a slob not a flasher, it was just as likely to be a man as a woman who (nearly) walked in.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/10/2021 15:06

@Franca123

Jesus Christ. I apologise. Let's just let the men do what they want.
Apparently so

A man thinking his genitals don’t need to be behind a closed door in public is fine.

A woman daring to express that she felt violated by his lack discretion is a real fucking crime though.

Same as it ever was

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 15:16

I'm so fed up of men being excused for anything that they want. Can we just say NO to some things still? It's perfectly fine for the OP to have a reaction to this. Her feelings are her feelings. And when I've seen similar I've felt the same. I'm not minimising flashing. I've been flashed my fair share and it's all gross.

YouTubeAddict · 14/10/2021 15:21

🤮 🤮 That’s so grim. Unless I was absolutely bursting I would have had to go and find another loo.

waylander · 14/10/2021 16:27

wow! There are some..... 'interesting' responses on here. I'm amused to read that there seem to be a lot of women who know what men's toilets are like.

On thing about the person mentioned by the OP if the pee was as described it is possible that the man is diabetic and was suffering a hypoglycemic incident - my understanding is that when suffering from hypoglycemia you're not fully aware of your actions/'spaced out' (for want of a better phrase).

As for the shrieking about flashing... please get a grip. Even the OP stated he was finishing his flies not fiddling with his cock. No flashery there.

CatonMat · 14/10/2021 18:48

I see that as the equivalent of telling a woman whose husband isn't blatantly beating her, but disrespecting her in other ways to "get a grip".

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 19:15

Thank you Caton Mat. It is the same. Dismissing a woman who is clearly saying, this is my boundary. It's an attempt to reduce women's abilities to erect any boundaries at all. Women are allowed to say, 'I do not want to see men piss in public'. What kind of man would disagree with that request? I honestly dispare that we have reached a place that women are being ridiculed for staying this.

CatonMat · 14/10/2021 19:26

It's not as if it's asking the impossible.
Shut the door.
Flush the toilet.
Sort your flies out before exiting.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/10/2021 19:32

“bragging about to his mates, as young men do unfortunately”, “not like it’s a deadly weapon”, “men are different to women”, “shrieking”, “ridiculous to feel violated”, “hysterical”

That’s a full house for misogyny bingo. Thanks for playing everyone!

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 19:42

And presumably these are women writing these comments. Let's just flush women's rights down the loo with the dark frothy man's urine. How do we get to a point where women have more self esteem?

FindingMeno · 14/10/2021 19:45

That's gross.

Franca123 · 14/10/2021 19:51

I had my arse grabbed in broad day light on a busy street. And I'm sorry of this is too 'shrieky' but I felt violated. Two male friends told me I was making too much of a fuss about it because I was pissed off. This is what people do and they are wrong. Women do not have to put up with this shit.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2021 20:10

Franca123

I had my arse grabbed in broad day light on a busy street. And I'm sorry of this is too 'shrieky' but I felt violated. Two male friends told me I was making too much of a fuss about it because I was pissed off. This is what people do and they are wrong. Women do not have to put up with this shit.“

That’s assault. Not quite the same as the OP’s scenario.

Hope you’re ok now?

waylander · 14/10/2021 20:20

@MrsSkylerWhite

Franca123

I had my arse grabbed in broad day light on a busy street. And I'm sorry of this is too 'shrieky' but I felt violated. Two male friends told me I was making too much of a fuss about it because I was pissed off. This is what people do and they are wrong. Women do not have to put up with this shit.“

That’s assault. Not quite the same as the OP’s scenario.

Hope you’re ok now?

what happened to you was bang out of order - and your 'friends' need to have a good hard look at themselves. I'm not saying they should have meted out punishment (that has got so many ways it can go wrong) but they should have supported you
Seemssounfair · 14/10/2021 20:26

I've seen enough ladies toilets unflushed, and a lot more unpleasant that a bit of pee, to not put that down to his sex.

It is a unisex toilet, did you put the seat up when you were finished incase the next user was a man? At least he put the seat up instead of peeing over it.

Checking/Finishing up his fly when leaving is just a vile man habit, not directed at you,

Dark frothy urine - His level of hydration is irrelevant and not related to his sex

Most of the above you see in woman toilets too. Even seats up for some bizarre reason (maybe young boys).

Leaving the door open is thoughtless and disgusting. He had no excuse for that!

I dont want to share a toilet facility with a male, but for none of the reasons above.

MiddlesexGirl · 14/10/2021 20:58

I can't remember the last time I found a toilet seat up in a ladies toilet. And it is vile having to touch the toilet seat to put it down .... so please keep the men out of the ladies loos.

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