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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being precious or would this not bother you?

283 replies

Pinkpanther6878 · 12/10/2021 23:45

In large DIY department store today,needed to use loo, and which are located through a door in corner of store that then opens into corridor (about say 7/8 meters long) with female and male toilet doors separately going off this corridor, and disabled toilet at end of corridor. Except now the separate male and female toilets (usually for customer use) are locked and only for staff use, not sure why but anyway signs saying to use disabled toilet, of which there is only one, so therefore unisex. I proceed down corridor, the disabled toilet door of which is wide open (and wide open into corridor, it's a pull door to get in not push). I become aware of sound of someone urinating,so I stop well before door,and shortly after a middle aged man walks out,still messing with his fly. I give him slightly unapproving look but he just carries on past me in corridor looking totally vacant. To add he also didnt bother flushing the toilet, so I was greeted by toilet full of dark slightly frothy urine,nor did he put seat down,but I probably am being picky on that latter point.
Anyway more I think about it the more I am feeling bit disturbed,even violated by the whole thing. Like this man didnt care about closing let alone locking the door, so anyone could have walked in on him plus the lack of respect not flushing afterwards, just seems really gross and off. Also as a single 30 something female am feeling especially conscious at moment of needing safe space etc, and be nice if men were conscious of this too, not actively making no effort. Just to add, this man was a member of the public/customer, not a staff member.
Yes YABU - thinking too much into it,get over it.
No YANBU - it is concerning

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 12/10/2021 23:51

With all this woke thinking, it looks like lots of public loos are likely to go unisex very soon. I think we're all going to have to get used to the idea of men sharing public loos. And many of them are likely to be thoughtless, casual, and uncaring. I don't like it either.

CrisisManagement · 12/10/2021 23:53

That would disturb me too. Revolting.

nanbread · 12/10/2021 23:54

I put YABU but I'm slightly on the fence. Obviously it's not ideal but men are used to urinating in main bit of loo which door opens onto, and also not flushing if using urinals.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 12/10/2021 23:59

It doesn’t matter if they normally use urinals, they still know how to flush a toilet.
Disgusting man.

OhGiveUp · 13/10/2021 00:00

It's a disabled toilet, therefore it's unisex, as disabled toilets always have been
Disgusting that he didn't flush and wash his hands though. It makes you wonder what his toilet is like at home!

BurntO · 13/10/2021 00:00

How grim. It’s either that he’s so gross he doesn’t give a shit or he gets kicks out of making people feel uncomfortable.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2021 00:02

We have public toilets at work (as well as private staff loos) and honest to God you should see the shit (literally) that's left down the loos and surrounding them.

The latest issue is people over stuffing the sanitary towel bins with shitty toilet paper, so it sticks out the top and looks disgusting. We've had to go from weekly collections by the sanitary company to twice weekly, as it's become such a problem.

I wish everyone would have the decency to leave toilets as they found them and yes, he should've remembered to close/lock the door.

SoniaFouler · 13/10/2021 00:03

Also as a single 30 something female am feeling especially conscious at moment of needing safe space etc, and be nice if men were conscious of this too

Like this man didnt care about closing let alone locking the door, so anyone could have walked in on him

Unisex toilets, summed up in two quotes from one OP

You’re not being unreasonable, but neither was he, because he’s being comfortable using toilets he’s comfortable in that are designated for his use.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2021 00:05

No-one should be using a public loo with the door wide open

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 13/10/2021 00:06

Why do single 30 year olds need more of a safe space than others?

SoniaFouler · 13/10/2021 00:07

@WorraLiberty

No-one should be using a public loo with the door wide open
Loads of men do when peeing - it’s no different to using a urinal.
TwinklyBranch · 13/10/2021 00:08

Also as a single 30 something female am feeling especially conscious at moment of needing safe space

By single, do you mean "lone" (on this occasion)? Otherwise, what's that got to do with it?

LegArmpits · 13/10/2021 00:10

It's literally a piss.

EmeraldShamrock · 13/10/2021 00:10

Yanbu.
I don't want to share a bathroom with a man.

Trans women dressed female not so bad mainly because it is safer for them.

I understand the risk of impostors but feel it's manageable compared to sharing with all men.

I really hope unisex toilets don't become the normal. 😕 I'll have to invest in a she-wee for street peeing.

LegArmpits · 13/10/2021 00:10

Were you going to follow it up with something more precious? Like a poo?

JustFrustrated · 13/10/2021 00:11

But he wasn't in the men's, or a cubicle.

I read it as a typical stand alone disabled toilet, with one door into it from the main through fare. Which he left open.

That's fucking appalling. Why are people making excuses?

I'd be livid if my Dds were exposed to a lazy tramp of a man who decided he didn't need to shut the door FFS.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 13/10/2021 00:13

What has being "30 something" got to do with it?

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2021 00:15

Loads of men do when peeing - it’s no different to using a urinal.

Of course it's different because the room with the urinal in has a door and that door is normally closed.

Most toilet doors have a strong hinge so they close behind you on their own. Accessible toilets don't, for obvious reasons.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 13/10/2021 00:16

But YANBU I let my 10 year old DD use the toilets in shops/cafes on her own etc while I'm nearby. This would have been a horrible experience for her.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2021 00:17

@EmeraldShamrock

Yanbu. I don't want to share a bathroom with a man.

Trans women dressed female not so bad mainly because it is safer for them.

I understand the risk of impostors but feel it's manageable compared to sharing with all men.

I really hope unisex toilets don't become the normal. 😕 I'll have to invest in a she-wee for street peeing.

Unisex accessible/disabled toilets have always been a thing.
WorraLiberty · 13/10/2021 00:19

I have to say though, I don't get the relevance of being single or 30 something either.

NewlyGranny · 13/10/2021 00:20

And apart from anything else, and there's loads, when the disabled toilet is the only one available to all, what happens to people who need an accessible toilet and find they are lumped in with all comers for a loo that was designed and built for them?

Pinkpanther6878 · 13/10/2021 00:25

It's one of those incidents that's just still on my mind hours after it happening, just made me feel uneasy. Thought interesting to put to great mumsnet minds to get perspective. Yes it was stand alone disabled toilet at end of main corridor - not cubical already within male/female toilets. Unisex toilets haven't really been something I've thought about or have bothered me until this little incident today. Also yes single female as in lone, sorry I should have made that clearer. And I take the point re: mention of my age,it isn't really relevant.

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 13/10/2021 00:25

@JustFrustrated

But he wasn't in the men's, or a cubicle.

I read it as a typical stand alone disabled toilet, with one door into it from the main through fare. Which he left open.

That's fucking appalling. Why are people making excuses?

I'd be livid if my Dds were exposed to a lazy tramp of a man who decided he didn't need to shut the door FFS.

That was kind of the point I was making, and what is to be expected if toilets are unisex and this is pushed more often. Men and women do not think about toilet safety in the same way and have no need to think about it in the same way.

a man who decided he didn't need to shut the door FFS.

Women decide to shut the door because of safety. Men feel less need to. If women felt as equally on a par and as safe as men, they would more often leave the door open like men too.

SoniaFouler · 13/10/2021 00:30

@WorraLiberty

Loads of men do when peeing - it’s no different to using a urinal.

Of course it's different because the room with the urinal in has a door and that door is normally closed.

Most toilet doors have a strong hinge so they close behind you on their own. Accessible toilets don't, for obvious reasons.

I have explained in a reply above. And would also like to add that it’s not obviously all men but rude and inconsiderate men but that is down to rude and inconsiderate men that were using the correct and only toilet available to them that was to be also shared by women in the instance of the OP.
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