Am I being precious or would this not bother you?

[Pinkpanther6878]

In large DIY department store today,needed to use loo, and which are located through a door in corner of store that then opens into corridor (about say 7/8 meters long) with female and male toilet doors separately going off this corridor, and disabled toilet at end of corridor. Except now the separate male and female toilets (usually for customer use) are locked and only for staff use, not sure why but anyway signs saying to use disabled toilet, of which there is only one, so therefore unisex. I proceed down corridor, the disabled toilet door of which is wide open (and wide open into corridor, it's a pull door to get in not push). I become aware of sound of someone urinating,so I stop well before door,and shortly after a middle aged man walks out,still messing with his fly. I give him slightly unapproving look but he just carries on past me in corridor looking totally vacant. To add he also didnt bother flushing the toilet, so I was greeted by toilet full of dark slightly frothy urine,nor did he put seat down,but I probably am being picky on that latter point.
Anyway more I think about it the more I am feeling bit disturbed,even violated by the whole thing. Like this man didnt care about closing let alone locking the door, so anyone could have walked in on him plus the lack of respect not flushing afterwards, just seems really gross and off. Also as a single 30 something female am feeling especially conscious at moment of needing safe space etc, and be nice if men were conscious of this too, not actively making no effort. Just to add, this man was a member of the public/customer, not a staff member.
Yes YABU - thinking too much into it,get over it.
No YANBU - it is concerning

He is a rude and inconsiderate man, but I am more bothered by the store deciding that disabled people don't need their own dedicated toilet. Some people's disabilities mean that they aren't able to hold on for as long as most non-disabled people are, so waiting in a queue is a serious issue for them.

Leaving the door open while peeing is disgusting. I would feel violated by witnessing this and scared too.

This happened to me in a museum in Paris where I was with my then 13 year old DD. Instead of looking vacant the man sought eye contact for longer than was comfortable as he walked out, without speaking. At 13 I'd obviously been used to DD going to the ladies alone when out for years, and this slightly grubby and uncomfortable incident meant she didn't want to for the rest of the trip (we realised many public toilets were unisex there), so unisex toilets curtail freedom/ limit toilet access for younger women and girls IMO.

Turning the disabled toilet into an all access toilets limits toilet access for disabled people and limits accessibility in a wider sense for vulnerable disabled people and those who need quick access to toilets - obviously the more people who are using them, the higher the odds of queueing.

The women's toilet in a town near me has been made unisex but the mens remains mens. The excuse is that the urinals remain in the mens and the women's is all cubicles, but it obviously disadvantages women and girls because there's already always a queue for the women's toilet and never for the men's!

@EmeraldShamrock

Yanbu. I don't want to share a bathroom with a man.

Trans women dressed female not so bad mainly because it is safer for them.

I understand the risk of impostors but feel it's manageable compared to sharing with all men.

I really hope unisex toilets don't become the normal. 😕 I'll have to invest in a she-wee for street peeing.

Way more women are attacked every day than trans women.

We’re prioritising the wrong people here

@whycantwegoonasthree

I'm tremendously and horribly woke in most things, but I hate unisex loos and have often not felt safe in them. Also, men are often disgusting in their toilet habits - and so their loos smell.

I'm 100% happy to share a women's loo with trans women. They're not the problem here, or the threat: cis men are.

But once you let males in on self-identification you let any man in, including male sex offenders, whether they are cis or trans.

The problem here is the ridiculous expansion of trans to include anyone because they say so. Because obviously that has obviously opened up a wide safeguarding loophole.

I think it’s disgusting but I don’t think I would feel violated by it.

YABU for using the following description:

"dark slightly frothy urine"

I understand the risk of impostors but feel it's manageable compared to sharing with all men

@EmeraldShamrock How is it manageable?

Do you mean that you are prepared to accept some increase in women being put at risk to increase the safety of another group of people.

And saying women need to shoulder the responsibility of male violence (here, men attacking other males dressed in stereotypically female clothes) by allowing males into their spaces. How is this any different from saying women need to shoulder the responsibility of male violence by managing their own behaviour? A line which has been roundly condemned after the Sarah Everard murder.

@Carriemac

Leaving the door open while peeing is disgusting. I would feel violated by witnessing this and scared too.

She didn't witness him using the toilet. She stopped before she got to the door.

Men are gross

Have you ever seen the state of the womens toilets in a nightclub or pub at closing time?

I loathe the use of words like violated in relatively trivial circumstances, it demeans those who are really violated. Stick to 'fed up' or even 'pissed off

I don't like the word loathe when in fact you just don't like something. But each to their own. On that note, it's not for you to say whether or not someone felt violated. Is it?

OP, it's revolting. And clearly it's bothered you. It would make me feel physically ill and very uncomfortable.

@DillonPanthersTexas

YABU for using the following description:

"dark slightly frothy urine"

EWWWWWWWWWWW! I missed that! 🤮

Thanks for that. I can never unsee that wording OR that image now 🤢

So this is just an anti trans thread by stealth then.

Not to mention sexist.

There are plenty of posters on this thread who will attest to the fact that the women’s toilets they have had to use are vile and unhygienic, and yet this is all about men…

The man here is the issue. Even if he’d been a disabled man it would have been an issue, because the disabled toilets are unisex, most are.

he should have closed the door, and he shouldn’t have such vile practices when going to the toilet. But that has absolutely nothing to do with single sex spaces and the need for some to bring those into every bloody discussion.

I'm with you OP, I once lived above a newsagent in a bedsit with communal toilet. We were a group of female friends who moved in together.

The landlord used to come upstairs and use the toilet with the door open.

Made me feel really uncomfortable for various reasons.

He was a filthy pig who gave me the heebie jeebies and I left after about two weeks.

In my clubbing days me and my mates were glad to use the men's toilets, the women's queue was always 10 times as long!

As a bloke I'd say the bloke in question is a twunt for not closing the door (that's only basic manners tbh). Not flushing? Maybe he heard footsteps and got flustered...
Dark brown frothy pee? No comment.

As a previous respondent has already said though - get used to unisex toilets in the future (for better or worse)

@DillonPanthersTexas

Men are gross

Have you ever seen the state of the womens toilets in a nightclub or pub at closing time?

Well yeah they are a bit minging. THEN. But 90% of the time, womens toilets will be OK. Mens are grotty/pissy/minging at least half the time, because yeah, men are gross. (SOME of them.)

The toilet habits of some men, are terrible in public loos - and some in the home: - you only have to look at some of the threads on here to see that! Builders leaving smelly shits in customers toilets, leaving shit stains in the bottom of the toilet, pissing all over the loo seat etc etc... No way in fucking hell are women as grim as men when it comes to toilet habits.

@AlternativePerspective

This post is aimed at YOU as well. No fucking WAY are women as grim as men regarding this ...

Gross.
I wont be using gender neutral toilets if at all possible ever. I find them totally intrusive for both sexes.
And yes I think he was grubby for leaving the toilet door open and wee chilling out in there. It's all just horrid.

We went to a local restaurant the other day that we've always gone to - it's a chain but well run and the food is predictable. They've now changed to Unisex toilets - I tried 3 out of 5 separate little rooms, and each single toilet was covered in urine, seats up and pee all over the floor. I waited until I got home, and I've emailed to say that we won't return due to the disgusting state of the toilets, and as a female I strongly object to sharing toilet facilities with men.

@AlternativePerspective

Disabled toilets have always been unisex. Funny that the able-bodied have never had a problem with that until they’ve been the ones having to use them.

It has nothing to do with the toilet and everything to do with the person. Personally I’ve been into some female toilets which have been vile, unflushed, urine all over the seat, so it is most definitely not a male only thing.

I was shocked when I realised they were unisex some time ago. I am disabled myself now but don’t always use the accessible ones. It depends on my need. Accessible loos are one person use at a time and open onto a (often high traffic) communal space. Ergo somewhat from communal loos different as the set up is safer. And usually pretty clean in my experience at least.

Yeah that's gross but I'd probably just be happy there was a toilet, most shops here that previously had public toilets have shut them completely since Covid

Well yeah they are a bit minging

A bit of an understatement, I have never found used tampons on the floor of men's and the only time I saw a shit on the floor was in the women's. To be honest when you have got short straw of cleaning the toilets at 3am piss on the floor and seats are the least of your worries.

@BrilloPaddy

We went to a local restaurant the other day that we've always gone to - it's a chain but well run and the food is predictable. They've now changed to Unisex toilets - I tried 3 out of 5 separate little rooms, and each single toilet was covered in urine, seats up and pee all over the floor. I waited until I got home, and I've emailed to say that we won't return due to the disgusting state of the toilets, and as a female I strongly object to sharing toilet facilities with men.

Actually I would have made a point there and then. Two reasons for that

• if businesses want to go down the unisex toilet road, then they will have no choice than increase the cleaning frequency ten fold. They are not going to do it if no one ever complains and demands clean toilets.

I’ll leave that to them and see if they are happy to deal with the surcharge.

• those men who leave piss all over wouldn’t do that at home. Maybe they also need to hear from their partners/businesses that it’s not on, basically get a wake up call. I don’t care if they got used to urinals etc… they’re not there anymore. If it’s an issue to them, I’d advise them to complain too. In the mean time, a minimum of decency is required.

@AryaStarkWolf

Yeah that's gross but I'd probably just be happy there was a toilet, most shops here that previously had public toilets have shut them completely since Covid

I’m not sure the ‘oh there is always someone/somewhere worse than this’ is going to help improve the situation tbh…

I was on a train in Canada about 10 years ago and walked into the toilet to see a man who hadn't locked the door peeing directly into the sink. I am not sure why, because essentially I had invaded his space as it were, but I felt very uncomfortable, and even more so when I'd gone back to my seat and he stared at me on the way past, as though I'd done something wrong.