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Original poster

Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

608 replies

TheRealAnnabelleBronstein · 12/10/2021 13:21

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 12/10/2021 16:55

Good luck with the meeting.. I hope it goes well.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 12/10/2021 16:55

I hope the meeting goes well, OP. I'm at your level, and responsible for large contract selection - you have to pick the best match for your employer.

However, there have been sales people that rub me entirely the wrong way, and I have no qualms of asking that they be removed from the bid. If it is a huge contract, their employer has great incentive to make you want to pick them - and won't question why you requested the change. If they are a large company, there are loads of her. She is not the only sales person.

Damned if I'd be giving her the commission. I would actually ask her if she went to x school, then follow up by saying 'then of course, you will understand that I need you to request that you be removed from this bid, and that another sales person handle this project. I look forward to hearing back from that person."

Professional, and puts the onus squarely back on her, while leaving the door open for your company to continue with the selection process.

Randommother · 12/10/2021 17:00

You can’t let your personal relationship with her influence a business decision, especially one of this magnitude. You need to either remove yourself, or have her removed / replaced. Whatever you do, keep it professional.

Hugoslavia · 12/10/2021 17:01

I'd be so tempted to just email her after the meeting and suggest that perhaps she have another go at pitching properly this time. Schedule her in again. Give no feedback. Just keep it vague.

Hont1986 · 12/10/2021 17:02

I hope the meeting has gone well. I don't think there is a professional way to have the movie-magic, jaw-drop moment that you want. Just pretend you don't know her.

HollowTalk · 12/10/2021 17:05

"Oh yes, I remember you" is all I'd say on a personal basis.

Ricekake · 12/10/2021 17:06

I'd say remain professional but by your response not sure if that will be a walk in the park for you.

Merryoldgoat · 12/10/2021 17:08

I would definitely let her know I remembered her and leave her to feel uncomfortable but otherwise I’d leave it there as she’s only sales.

Miriam101 · 12/10/2021 17:13

@nc87651

Honestly, I'd move past it. This must have happened what, 20+ years ago? I'd assume the bully had done some growing up by then. And god knows what her home life must have been like as a teen to be such a nasty person.

Let it go. Be an adult. Treat this meeting as any other.

This
Pythonista · 12/10/2021 17:15

Be professional or recuse yourself,

If you try the 'clever' ways of outing her, you will look ridiculous.

driftcompatible · 12/10/2021 17:17

Oh how WONDERFUL. I would relish this but then I'm a petty petty bitch. I would smugly smile through the whole thing making it very difficult although noone but her would know. Even if it were the best product I would advise against it and then smile more smugly. It's good I'm not in a position of power. Good luck OP. Be confident - you're in a fab position. When she realises, she'll be on the back foot. Relish it.

godmum56 · 12/10/2021 17:22

@Hugoslavia

I honestly wouldn't be able to resist the power dynamic and would unfortunately make her play along. I would make her pitch hard. I would drop hints that you think that you know her, whilst pretending not to be sure where, all the time whilst looking rather perturbed. If her product is the best, then ultimately you will have to go with it, but ask if there is someone else that you can speak to at her organisation instead. I would make her feel insignificant. I don't think that I would be able to resist. It's called Karma.
its called putting your own job at risk
HireStarter · 12/10/2021 17:24

I would join the call, listen, ask questions.

Then call her manager and say you aren't sure on the product as the sales rep was - pushy/clueless/patronising/unclear....

You are in the position of power! Utilise it :)

10yearwarranty · 12/10/2021 17:25

@HireStarter

I would join the call, listen, ask questions.

Then call her manager and say you aren't sure on the product as the sales rep was - pushy/clueless/patronising/unclear....

You are in the position of power! Utilise it :)

Of course Op isn't going to do that. Would look a complete idiot.
jagoda · 12/10/2021 17:28

You are a much better person than me OP

No way would I give this cowbag the business. She will get kudos/commission/satisfaction from it and I couldn't be so generous.

I would just pretend I had no idea who she was.

butterpuffed · 12/10/2021 17:29

Why all the ridiculous suggestions ? OP is a professional not some amateur playing games.

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 17:30

Has the site been taken over by 12 year olds?

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 12/10/2021 17:33

I'd take the meeting and judge product on what it is, as it's a big decision with considerable investment for your company

But secretly I'd enjoy being the professional knowing full well she'll be embarrassed if she remembers that she bullied me at school. I wouldn't give time of day to any personal comments she made, and likely pretend I didn't know her as she's of so little importance in any of this.

MrsRobbieHart · 12/10/2021 17:33

It’s ridiculous. Clearly people who have no experience of the real working world.

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 17:35

She's not going to make personal comments. She's an adult, she likely won't even remember you.

AHobbyaweek · 12/10/2021 17:35

I have been in a similar position and couldn't excuse myself as I head up the department, it is not easy to excuse yourself in these situations.
Once I confirmed the sales person was who I thought, I requested someone else to deal with the tender we started after the demos.
I just suggested it was "in their best interests" to swap out the sales person and they did with no further questions. It certainly made the tender process easier for me as I didn't have to second guess my feelings for the product even if I knew I could be professional about it, it is easier not to have the distraction.

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 17:45

Oh how WONDERFUL. I would relish this but then I'm a petty petty bitch.

Yes, yes you are.

And people wonder why women struggle to be promoted and are thought too emotional ..:

All this 'smile smugly then run to her manager' bollocks.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 12/10/2021 17:46

@CrumpleHornedSnowcack

I would outright ask her if she went to blabla school & if she says yes tell her you remember her with a stern look on your face
This. And she wouldn't be getting the contract, no matter what.
HappyDays101010 · 12/10/2021 17:48

We’re all going to be gutted if it turns out it wasn’t her Grin

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 17:48

She probably won't remember you. And she certainly isn't going to say anything.

And if you can't handle that, the. You may be in the wrong job

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