Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

[TheRealAnnabelleBronstein]

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

A leopard does not usually change its spots. If you have the benefit if prior knowledge you should use it IMO.

I disagree, I think people can change, especially from when they were 15. I'm not excusing the bully's behaviour.

God, when I think back to when I was 15 I am like a completely different person now.

@halloweenchocolate

I disagree, I think people can change, especially from when they were 15. I'm not excusing the bully's behaviour.

God, when I think back to when I was 15 I am like a completely different person now.

Agreed. It's not massively relevant now that the OP has had her meeting (and handled it with professionalism), but I'm with you on this.

I think it can be harder for someone to change behaviours once they're ingrained later in life, but I think negative behaviours displayed as a child can often be reversed. Because children aren't done maturing.

If someone physically lashed out as a hormonal adolescent, I wouldn't assume they were likely to thump me now. If someone lashed out as an adult, I'd consider them a much higher potential risk to my personal safety.

Adults should know better. Children often just don't. Honestly, it's a miracle any of us make it to this age; we're really horrible to others when we're young and/or others are really horrible to us.

@SofiaMichelle - it’s not nonsense at all. I was responding to someone suggesting that the OP should deliberately make the bully’s life hell.

Of course I don’t think any complaint would be taken seriously after the meeting described today. The OP was completely professional and there is no case. However, if she did as the other poster suggested and made deliberate attempts to make life difficult for a supplier, this would in all likelihood be noticed. Do you really think it’s so outlandish that someone could make a complaint in such a scenario? It might be ignored - but why deliberately put yourself in such a position?

lThey'd be laughed at, and would probably end up fired when their employer found out.

Now THAT is nonsense. In what world can you be fired for making a complaint? Unless the employer could prove the complaint was baseless and malicious, this would be massively dodgy ground for any employer.

Do try to at least read a post and consider its context before replying. You haven’t done yourself any favours by trying to make me look stupid.

[quote CateJW]**@Waspsarearseholes* @WhereIsMumHiding3*
I was replying to the original post asking what other people would do, obviously!
Not everyone sits and reads 22 pages of comments. 🙄
But nice you to sit and gripe at everyone that doesn't. 🙄[/quote]
Then don't comment then, if you're too lazy & self important to even read back a couple pages of posts or OPs five posts that show meeting already happened!

Ironic that you come out moaning about other PPs saying fgs RTFT or at least update yourself

@SofiaMichelle

And still they come having not RTFT...

Who has the time or inclination to read full threads? I read all the OPs comments but stuff reading pages of every other comment. If people want to do that fine, if not, it should be fine too.

I think I would have been tempted to answer “yes, I remember you telling me you wished I had died instead of our class mate”. Not very professional, but it would have been interesting seeing her trying to play that down in front of her colleagues.

I think you handled it beautifully OP.

For those telling OP she needs therapy - looks like she’s doing okay. Has a good career and seems very level headed.

For those saying to view her her unfavourably would be unprofessional. As the MD of a large company, if one of our senior executives said they had a history with a prospective provider, and on enquiry revealed it was bullying, I wouldn’t even entertain the tender. I would offer the valued employee the opportunity to put that person through the ringer if they were minded to do so though.

Attitudes like, ‘it was 20 years ago’, ‘be an adult’, ‘move on’ are the equivalent of parents who say ‘girls will be girls’ and ‘it’s part of growing up’ about bullying at school. You are part of the problem.

Bullying should follow and haunt the perpetrator through adulthood. Kids don’t grow out of being arseholes, they just hide it better as adults.

A few points to remember.

1. You are both adults now.
2. She may actually not be your former bully, and if she is, see #3.
3. She is trying to get business from you, you are in the position of power
4. If she is your bully, and if her presentation is the best, the best revenge you can get is to graciously tell her so, and that you remember her very well.

@fashionSOS - I couldn't agree with you more. OP handled the situation very well but people can change from their teenage years. We can't assume all people can't mature and change over the years. It's all about life experience.

I was a strange teenager and I'm bloody lovely now

I get you have to treat it fairly but I would still do it and be so sure of myself she wants the ground to open up. Then maybe after even if took contract explain have personal history and didn't realise it was her and ask for another sales person to be a contact for the contract. And very casual mention how good she is at managing groups she leads etc

I can’t stand bullies but I would stay professional and pretend it wasn’t her. I feel so sad that someone killed themselves because of it

What a strange thread. Some of the responses are odd. Poor you OP.
I know you were trying to be professional. But saying you don't remember her, isn't true. You do. She hurt you because she was a bully. But I don't know what the correct response was.

@WomanStanleyWoman

You haven’t done yourself any favours by trying to make me look stupid.

You managed it all by yourself.

In the real world, if you're a sales person for a corporate and take it upon yourself to go making unsolicited complaints to a potential client you will very likely find yourself in deep trouble.

Love the fact you interrupted her as she tried to win the sale by mentioning that you knew her. What a moron, does she have no sales experience at all? She sounded desperate by that point.

Hopefully as she screwed it up, her bosses will now be keeping her out of the spotlight so she doesn't ruin anymore chances.

You STILL haven’t read it. Considering you’re the loudest voice here complaining about people not reading the whole thread, you’ve somehow failed to comprehend two very simple posts.

I’ll explain again, slowly. I never once suggested the bully could legitimately complain as things stand. The OP has done nothing wrong. I replied to one specific post, which suggested the OP should have made deliberate, sustained attempts to make life difficult for this woman. In a culture where workplace bullying is a hot topic, do you really think someone with a history of bullying people herself wouldn’t try to turn this on the OP?

It doesn’t matter that she probably wouldn’t get anywhere. It still creates an issue the OP wouldn’t want in any circumstances, let alone these.

As for this big dramatic scene you’re picturing, where bully’s boss yells, ‘That’s it - you’re FIRED!’ and she recoils in shock, save it for the movies. This simply doesn’t happen in real life.

I would honestly request someone else to deal with her if possible , simply stating that you have a previous connection

Check if it's her and say you don't want to work with her.

If you are more senior they'll have to deal with that.

I think you'll feel better with that than taking yourself off, and although both going to the meeting and you making things difficult for her may be tempting, it's unlikely to make you feel satisfied afterwards.

Well done OP - I thinking making out that you don't remember her is the best revenge!

Bullies are horrible attention seekers and that would hopefully have been very deflating for her, along with what looks like also not winning the pitch.

I also think it's perfectly normal for this to drag up long buried memories that make you uneasy - you don't need therapy and she sounds vile.

I think you handled the situation well OP.

Excellent management and riposte op. Vindicated✅

@WomanStanleyWoman

You're quite entertaining whilst being wrong. I'll give you that.

I would try and meet with her prior to official meeting so you could find out if it is really her and have honest conversation. This way nasty surprise at official meeting can be avoided.

Why do people not read threads before answering 🙈🙈

I would keep it strictly professional and deal with her as you would had it been anyone else.She may be full of remorse about what she did in her teenage years and if she remembers you as the girl she bullied she may even want to express her remorse and regrets.

Bullies are sacks of shit,yes she may have changed but your feelings are still going to be there and what you felt as that fifteen year old are going to surface and it may turn unprofessional.I saw someone in town who bullied me and my friend at school and even though it was over thirty years ago just seeing her in a que made my palms sweat and i felt sick and anxious.When i got home i really wished i had punched her lights out even as i knew i could never hurt anyone.