Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

[TheRealAnnabelleBronstein]

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

@ElizaDarcysDeeds

Well, let's hope your employer doesn't find this thread and it doesn't end up in the Daily Mail because you've behaved very unprofessionally putting so much detail on here.

Oh fucking hell.

Where's that facepalm emoji we still desperately need, @mnhq?

🤦‍♀️

I was bullied in a subtle way when I was 15. Teenage girls can be vile. I have snubbed Facebook requests from people who made my life hell and I won't go to school reunions with these people. I just don't care.

I think you should take the same stance. Be professional and polite and that's it. If she makes a comment about you being at school together just make a polite but firm comment back to show you are not interested.

I'm not sticking up for her but maybe she had a horrible family life or had been bullied herself. She's probably changed and grown up now.

@ElizaDarcysDeeds

Well, let's hope your employer doesn't find this thread and it doesn't end up in the Daily Mail because you've behaved very unprofessionally putting so much detail on here.

Jesus Fucking Christ 🤦

I made friends with one of my childhood bullies, later on in life. They're children and don't make rational decisions. That does not take away the hurt that was caused to you as a child and you did the best thing by getting out of there. I would have more of a problem if this was an adult who should know better, bullying you now.

It's been 20 years. Let it go. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

She may have been going through a really tough time and actually was projecting herself on to you at the time. She should have just as much of a chance as anyone else. If you feel this will get in the way of you being professional, assign someone else to it, explaining your position. Good luck.

Clearly people haven't RTFT as you're still coming to tell OP what to do, even though it's all over and done with.

Hopefully you’ll just move on and ignore the irrelevant comments… good luck though…

I would do teh meeting and then at the end remind her that your company has a no bullying policy and you remember her from school and you will take the business elsewhere

Pure class and expertly handled, OP!

In reality it’s hard to get past vile bullying.

I met up with a school bully years after, 40 years after! I played it cool and said I didn’t have a clue who she was, she persisted in trying to get me to remember her. In the end I said sorry, but I honestly don’t have a clue who you are. She even remembered my name and what classes we had been in. I just said sorry, but I’ve clearly been more memorable to you than you are to me, I really don’t know you. And walked away.

A few weeks later she stopped me again. So I said, no matter what you say to me, I just don’t know you are, I don’t intend to be mean, but there’s little point in trying to get me to remember you.
Every time I see her I really want to slap her, but it’s more effective not acknowledging knowing her

It's such a long time ago,l frankly I wouldn't worry about it. Just be friendly to her. You probably have both changed a lot anyway.

LOVE the way you ended it

Some say the bullying happened years ago, but I think the hurt at a sensitive age lingers for years if not dealt with.
I think if you act begrudgingly, you give away part of your control to this person. Acting proffessionally places you in a position to prove to yourself that the bully has no power over you.
If her company offers the best deal why harm your company colleagues, her colleagues or potentially yourself/your career.
I would step back and let others make the decision without going into detail.
Remember, she could be a totally different person now. Sometimes the biggest bullies are being bullied themselves. That does not make it right but you do not want to turn into a bully yourself. Walk away with your head up high. Claim that part of yourself back ❤

On the subject of bullies coming from an awful home, it’s worth saying that some of the nicest children that I knew growing up ended up being the ones from the worst home-life. If you’re having a hard time at home, you often don’t want to make it worse for yourself.

Personally I like the fact that you've overcome bullying and won. The goodie has won and I'm proud of you.

I would worry about the impact this meeting might have on you as this person has done enough damage.

Why don't people click on the "See all" option under the opening post before leaving a comment on a thread that has got this long, instead of just assuming there has been no update from the Op?
I'm genuinely baffled.

People change, I know I am completely different to how I was at fifteen. I bet she will be mortified if she recognises you, and she may be lovely now. I was bullied at school by three girls and a few years later we became friends. Usually people who are bullies are very unhappy and you have no idea what was going on in her life. I would be magnanimous and wait to see if it really is her, and if so how she comes across. If she is still an awful human being then perhaps you could ask her if she remembers you.

I’m really petty so I would basically string her along for as long as I could whilst remaining professional (Think of me as the devil on your shoulder)

@RobertsRadio

Why don't people click on the "See all" option under the opening post before leaving a comment on a thread that has got this long, instead of just assuming there has been no update from the Op? I'm genuinely baffled.

Because they are SO DESPERATE to share their opinion with the world they don’t really care if it’s relevant, is my guess after many years of Mumsnet….

@FrozenWillow

I made friends with one of my childhood bullies, later on in life. They're children and don't make rational decisions. That does not take away the hurt that was caused to you as a child and you did the best thing by getting out of there. I would have more of a problem if this was an adult who should know better, bullying you now.

It's been 20 years. Let it go. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

She may have been going through a really tough time and actually was projecting herself on to you at the time. She should have just as much of a chance as anyone else. If you feel this will get in the way of you being professional, assign someone else to it, explaining your position. Good luck.

I've just noticed you've handled it pretty well. I've alerted Mumsnet to making this website a bit like facebook/twitter where threads stay in the same place, so that OP replies stay at the top of the page. Maybe even being able to close the post once the original post has been handled.

I hope you found the right product for your company's needs. I find Microsoft teams to be laggy sometimes when we are having team meetings for college. Mature student here. Decided on a different direction career wise. Good luck for the future OP.

@Tzimi

It's such a long time ago,l frankly I wouldn't worry about it. Just be friendly to her. You probably have both changed a lot anyway.

I find this bizarre.

Why do you think I owe this woman friendliness?

If I was a man and telling you I was punched by another boy in school, would you tell me I now must be friendly to him?

Love, love, LOVE how you ended the meeting 😂😂😂 Fuck you Edwina!

Amazing. Clearly, you have to be professional and make judgments based on costs, product etc etc.

BUT..... great that the product was shit, she fucked the presentation up, AND she remembered you. AND you rinsed her, professionally without looking petty.

Karma is a bitch. I think everyone who had a run in with a school bully has enjoyed imagining you ending the meeting

@FrozenWillow

I've just noticed you've handled it pretty well. I've alerted Mumsnet to making this website a bit like facebook/twitter where threads stay in the same place, so that OP replies stay at the top of the page. Maybe even being able to close the post once the original post has been handled.

Click on "See All" on any of OP's posts and you see instantly all her posts together.

You don't even have to RTFT! but still people are so desperate to get their advice out there, they can't even be arsed to do that one click.

When you see her on zoom, I'd tell her that you remember her from school and because of what happened you will need to reschedule with someone else taking the call. That should make her squirm!!!!