Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

[TheRealAnnabelleBronstein]

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

Love what you did there @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein If I ever find myself in that situation, I’m definitely stealing it! Although my school bully died from cancer at 32…she was such a bitch. No sorrow from me I’m afraid.

I'd grow up and do my job. If you cant, get someone else to do it.

OP of course you don't need therapy. These are all very normal thoughts and feelings. I would also wonder what to do if I met an old school bully in a professional setting. I think you handled it very well.

My first memory of her is on the first day of senior school when she literally went from girl to girl and demanded to know what their fathers did for a living. She came from a rich family, and the one thing she hated more than people who were poorer than her were those who were richer than her.

That was exactly like my high school bully. You just couldn't win. She was also extremely spoilt, but there were other issues that later emerged which we new nothing of.

@RedHelenB

I'd grow up and do my job. If you cant, get someone else to do it.

She did RTFT

Craftycorvid Tue 12-Oct-21 22:49:06 ‘It isn’t! Edwina! Is that you? Wow, after all these years. Darling, how are you? You were such a troubled child - and that acne too. I always felt for you. Haven’t you done well for yourself? Who’s your therapist?’

lol

OP you handled the situation well. I hope Edwina doesn't try to contact you in the coming weeks to 'reconnect'.

You did a great job!
I wasn’t bullied at school but was once at work by this vile woman, HR manager in a retailer. Many years later she was no longer higher up-somehow she had been demoted to the till. I still felt really flustered though when she served me.

Sounds like it went very well, OP - with the added bonus of the product being distinctly average, meaning you can legitimately reject the bid without worrying your personal feelings have affected it.

All the suggestions of deadpan statements of ‘Oh yes, I remember you - you’re the evil bitch who threw my gym kit in the toilet. I hope you’re a better person now’ or similar have been very entertaining, but while they might play well in a rom com, reality is slightly different. The same goes for the raised eyebrow/loaded look/‘intimidating’ body language so she would know and spend the meeting squirming. Nice idea, but what if the bully didn’t even remember the OP? Or did, but remembers it all as ‘bantz’ rather than the bullying the OP remembers?

Based on her bringing it up at the end of the meeting, I think she’s either forgotten how badly she treated the OP and was hoping to play on the schooldays connection, or does remember and is trying to cover herself by mentioning it. Either way, with a less than impressive product, it’s done her no good.

you dealt with it very well.

@Wazzzzzzzup the theatre performances are amusing.

Suggesting that the HoF recuse herself rather than just getting on with it or requesting a new rep is ludicrous.

I am so here for how sassy the OP is

I think my favourite question was the person who asked how you get to be so senior in an organisation without having the skills to tackle this scenario.

Is “addressing old school bullies” a key module in finance degrees these days?

Pure class. Well done!

I'd enjoy not giving her the contract, but I'm petty like that...

Haha, wish I could have a similar meeting with my school bully- amazingly well handled- well done you!

Love the update, thank you OP! You handled that perfectly

You dealt with the situation perfectly OP and you have very good reason not to offer them the contract.

Well played OP.

As an aside did anyone else have to look up "recuse"? Not a word I have come across before. Every day is a school day on Mumsnet.

@ChorizoJacketPotato

Well I think we all did things when younger we aren’t proud of, and she herself may not remember what a vile cow she was.

But I do think you should fake enthusiasm and say ‘oh wow! I know you and your name - did you go to x school?’ And if she confirms, say ‘oh yes. I definitely remember you’. Hopefully she will become flustered. Maybe you’ll even get a better deal.

This.

I had a very similar scenario a few years back and used this tactic. The individual could barely speak for several minutes and was then extremely nice to me for the remainder of the time we had to work together.

Sounds to me like you handled it all perfectly @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein - I’ve been in a very similar situation and, like you, I feigned no memory of awful person & cut them dead. I admit that I think she knew that I knew, and I knew that she knew I knew lol!

Just caught up with the rest of the thread…, handled brilliantly like the professional you are 👏👏👏👏

Im sorry but people don’t really change. She will give you grief again if they’re hired and then will think you a complete fool for hiring her and her company even though you knew it was her! Do yourself a favour and let her know ‘After’ her presentation and make sure you have valid reasons for not hiring them.

Karma has possibly given you a gift!

Well, let's hope your employer doesn't find this thread and it doesn't end up in the Daily Mail because you've behaved very unprofessionally putting so much detail on here.

Well handled, OP. This situation reminds me of a Roald Dahl short story called‘Galloping Foxley’ about a man who encounters the public school bully on a train. I won’t spoil the final twist, though.

It’s hard and upsetting and no excuse. But 20’years down the line she’s probably not the same . As your not neither . Be professional and do your job if not it could come back to bite you then she again had the upper hand. Try and move on from it and be the better person