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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

608 replies

TheRealAnnabelleBronstein · 12/10/2021 13:21

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

OP posts:
EarthSight · 12/10/2021 22:51

Maybe you can join the call as if she were any other person, and if she beings it up, pretend that you don't remember her.

People like that don't like being insignificant, so make sure that she doesn't get the satisfaction of you recognising her or giving a toss.

Opalfeet · 12/10/2021 22:52

@Craftycorvid 🤣

EarthSight · 12/10/2021 22:54

Just read your other post. How predictable - it seems like she did want to be recognised. Pathetic. Hasn't changed. If she had she wouldn't have dreamt brining that up your school days in a meeting in front of everyone. She'd be thoroughly ashamed of it.

Opalfeet · 12/10/2021 22:58

@EarthSight I thought that too, but.at the same time op handled that we'll

ChuddleyCannons · 12/10/2021 23:00

@TheRealAnnabelleBronstein well done!

2Two · 12/10/2021 23:09

How very galling for her to realise that you had the power to award or withhold a major contract based on her performance.

SofiaMichelle · 12/10/2021 23:11

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

So, what was she like as a sales person? And did she recognise you?
Maybe RTFT?
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 12/10/2021 23:14

Sorry, I did 'see all' but managed to skip the very satisfying post where you cut her off mid sentence.

Autumnleaves4 · 12/10/2021 23:21

I would start the meeting with oh we know each other don’t we from x school and then sit back and watch her. Presentation fall apart. You can then write to her and say that their product didn’t come across as well as some of the others. Pay back time!

DeadButDelicious · 12/10/2021 23:22

I think you handled the situation really well OP. Well done.

Every single one of the girls who bullied me in high school, who I've had the misfortune of meeting again in adulthood, thought it was all hilarious 'banter' and that it was all such a great laugh. They were and still are nasty people who thought it was funny to single out and pick on anyone who didn't 'fit'. Some people lash out for a reason, some are just cruel. And in my experience, the ones who are just cruel, don't change.

DameFanny · 12/10/2021 23:39

Well that was must satisfactory to read OP. Well done.

Tedimhoardingrightsosaur · 13/10/2021 00:06

@TheRealAnnabelleBronstein

Right, so the product isn’t great, objectively speaking. Interface was very laggy during the demo.

Had someone from the IT team with me and they’re concerned about how it’ll integrate with our systems and the costs quoted for support are a lot higher than other suppliers.

Presentation was fine. She seems quite new and junior. She was leading the pitch but the Relationship Manager kept having to jump in to cover bits she missed or take questions she couldn’t answer. I kept it fairly cool and just went through the standard process.
I have a medical issue at the moment that’s affecting my speech a little so I haven’t been too talkative in any of these meetings anyway.

Recognised her at soon as she opened her mouth.

I didn’t think she recognized me but she did.

The meeting closed like this-

Her: Before we wrap-up, I just wanted to say that I think we used to go to school together, Eleanor. I think you were Eleanor Smyth back then? I was Edwina Dyson.

Me: Oh? The name doesn’t ring a bell, I’m afraid.

Her (with that stupid donkey laugh I’d forgotten about): Well, hopefully I’m more memorable now after…

Me: Thanks everyone. Take care.

Also me:
~The host has ended the meeting for everyone~

Perfection.
expat101 · 13/10/2021 00:17

Well played!

I'm sure she would remember her part at school. When I read your first post, I was thinking of a neighboring girl from my daughter's year who we both have had to block on FB.

Nasty piece of work and she hasn't changed as she has got older. I saw her a few weeks back as we passed on the road, her scowly face was filled with hate when she saw me, so she clearly hasn't got over whatever issues she had at the time and personally, I don't care.

But I wouldn't like to deal with her on a business level regardless. I wouldn't trust her at all.

PegasusReturns · 13/10/2021 00:17

Good result but for the millionth time I find myself wondering if posters have actually had jobs when they rush out advice like the OP should recuse herself. Confused

Spermysextowel · 13/10/2021 00:37

Especially after the OP had made it clear that she knew from the outset what she was going to do…

Yaya26 · 13/10/2021 01:02

Well played @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/10/2021 04:08

You did brilliantly @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein! Perfect way to end the meeting, well done!

Oh I bet she was affronted by you not remembering her. Ha!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/10/2021 06:07

Brava OP.
Handled perfectly.

Also agree you dont need therapy, it is absolutely the kind of thing that blindsides someone, you handled it immaculately.

Somuddled · 13/10/2021 06:25

You are fairly senior, just do the first call with her then ask the company for a different rep if you like the product.

arrangeyourface · 13/10/2021 06:49

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

So, what was she like as a sales person? And did she recognise you?
The OP literally answers that in her update. How do people not bother to even read the OP’s posts?
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2021 07:08

Wow. You couldn’t have handled that with more style. Even better, the product isn’t competitive so you’ll not need to see her face again.

VallarMorghulis · 13/10/2021 07:09

You handled this perfectly OP, bravo!

CommanderBurnham · 13/10/2021 07:23

Well don't be OP! I can't believe her unprofessional behaviour , trying to use her connection to get herself some favour. She has no clue or self awareness.

SentDeliveredRead · 13/10/2021 08:03

Very well handled @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein, classy and professional, I love the fact you politely cut her down & refused to be drawn in by her little recognition /we have a connection game.

Wazzzzzzzup · 13/10/2021 08:37

@PegasusReturns

Good result but for the millionth time I find myself wondering if posters have actually had jobs when they rush out advice like the OP should recuse herself. Confused
I think the theathre performances deserve the real giggle at tbh😂 Recuse yourself if you can was still pretty normal auggestion from many of us on here. Especially compared to half a thread😂