Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

[TheRealAnnabelleBronstein]

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

@SalsaLove

Get a professional blow dry, wear your best suit, and be professional and confident.

I am professional and confident! Hair was unprofessionally blow dried after my shower this morning, and I’m working from home so decided to forego the power shoulder pads for today.

I would go on, pretend I didn’t know her and act thoroughly bored. She will be very embarrassed how she treated you before now you’re meeting on a professional capacity.

Do not let her bully you any more.

I love how you handled it @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein. I’d have gone with that, or I might not have been able to resist “oh, you. Hmm, I don’t have very favourable memories I’m afraid.” (But I really struggle not to hold a grudge)

Sounds like the product isn’t a goer in any event

@TheRealAnnabelleBronstein

Right, so the product isn’t great, objectively speaking. Interface was very laggy during the demo.

Had someone from the IT team with me and they’re concerned about how it’ll integrate with our systems and the costs quoted for support are a lot higher than other suppliers.

Presentation was fine. She seems quite new and junior. She was leading the pitch but the Relationship Manager kept having to jump in to cover bits she missed or take questions she couldn’t answer. I kept it fairly cool and just went through the standard process.
I have a medical issue at the moment that’s affecting my speech a little so I haven’t been too talkative in any of these meetings anyway.

Recognised her at soon as she opened her mouth.

I didn’t think she recognized me but she did.

The meeting closed like this-

Her: Before we wrap-up, I just wanted to say that I think we used to go to school together, Eleanor. I think you were Eleanor Smyth back then? I was Edwina Dyson.

Me: Oh? The name doesn’t ring a bell, I’m afraid.

Her (with that stupid donkey laugh I’d forgotten about): Well, hopefully I’m more memorable now after…

Me: Thanks everyone. Take care.

Also me:
~The host has ended the meeting for everyone~

👌😂😂

I’m so sorry that she treated you like that. It’s awful and the words and behaviour of others really do stick with you.

Sounds like you handled it great - curt but professional.

I think that what this has highlighted is that in this situation, you have the power to choose who you want to be. You can choose hysteria and “stern” looks or you can do what you’ve done - being professional, side swiping away her attempt at familiarity and left the call in a way that most people do.

She will have gotten the message.

@TheRealAnnabelleBronstein

Right, so the product isn’t great, objectively speaking. Interface was very laggy during the demo.

Had someone from the IT team with me and they’re concerned about how it’ll integrate with our systems and the costs quoted for support are a lot higher than other suppliers.

Presentation was fine. She seems quite new and junior. She was leading the pitch but the Relationship Manager kept having to jump in to cover bits she missed or take questions she couldn’t answer. I kept it fairly cool and just went through the standard process.
I have a medical issue at the moment that’s affecting my speech a little so I haven’t been too talkative in any of these meetings anyway.

Recognised her at soon as she opened her mouth.

I didn’t think she recognized me but she did.

The meeting closed like this-

Her: Before we wrap-up, I just wanted to say that I think we used to go to school together, Eleanor. I think you were Eleanor Smyth back then? I was Edwina Dyson.

Me: Oh? The name doesn’t ring a bell, I’m afraid.

Her (with that stupid donkey laugh I’d forgotten about): Well, hopefully I’m more memorable now after…

Me: Thanks everyone. Take care.

Also me:
~The host has ended the meeting for everyone~

This is my most favourite post on MN tonight.

Literally a Mic Drop moment there OP!

One day when I am in a difficult situation I will channel my inner @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein

I'm a bit disappointed OP that when Edwina tried to bring up that she knew you from school you didn't take her down 'oh yes, I remember you! You bullied that poor girl to death and then told me it should have been me instead! Thanks for reminding me. Now you'd better remove yourself from this pitch or else your company won't get it girlfriend! Your directors are clearly psychopaths to have employed you and you are a horrific person. Good day!' So that you could have some of the anti-bullies on here revelling in her humiliation and immediate sacking in front of everyone. And if you looked like a dick in front of all the other professionals there then they're bullies too.
You can't make some of the madness on here up sometimes. I'm utterly shocked you only blow dried your own hair for such an epic meeting when you could have shown her how much better in life you've done by having it professionally blow dried and worn your best suit to walk Edwina to the lift intimidatingly!
This sort of shit is why women are constantly battling against discrimination in the workplace.

*walked Edwina to the lift after a Zoom call

I was going to say that how you should handle it, is how you would want your best self to handle it. The most confident professional self-esteem-not-dented self you could imagine ever being, the person who simply can't be arsed to be bitter -- that's how you should handle it.

It sounds like you came close to something like that -- the meeting was all about business & the product suitability, probably as it should be.

The OP didn't write that the bully was involved with the classmates suicide, just that she told the OP she and her friends would have rathered the OP had killed herself.

Awful words to say.

OP, you handled it perfectly.

@Barbiesarm

I'm a bit disappointed OP that when Edwina tried to bring up that she knew you from school you didn't take her down 'oh yes, I remember you! You bullied that poor girl to death and then told me it should have been me instead! Thanks for reminding me. Now you'd better remove yourself from this pitch or else your company won't get it girlfriend! Your directors are clearly psychopaths to have employed you and you are a horrific person. Good day!' So that you could have some of the anti-bullies on here revelling in her humiliation and immediate sacking in front of everyone. And if you looked like a dick in front of all the other professionals there then they're bullies too. You can't make some of the madness on here up sometimes. I'm utterly shocked you only blow dried your own hair for such an epic meeting when you could have shown her how much better in life you've done by having it professionally blow dried and worn your best suit to walk Edwina to the lift intimidatingly! This sort of shit is why women are constantly battling against discrimination in the workplace.

I don't understand how this was a good option?

The OP would have reduced herself to the school bully's level.

It would have looked incredibly unprofessional if she had reacted in the way you suggest and OP obviously has an important job if she is involved in the tender process for new software.

OP you handled it perfectly.

@Barbiesarm I have just re-read your post and realised you were being sarcastic!

It's obviously too late for me and I need to go to bed 😂😂

[quote cricketmum84]@Barbiesarm I have just re-read your post and realised you were being sarcastic!

It's obviously too late for me and I need to go to bed 😂😂[/quote]
We, tbf it is hard to say on here what's unhinged and what's sarcasm😂

Just to be clear, Edwina had nothing to do with our classmate’s suicide. That poor girl had severe mental health issues. She was lovely, but very troubled.
Edwina was a bitch, but not a murderer.

It’s weird that there are several people saying that I need therapy/counseling. I last saw Edwina 23 years ago which means I probably last through about her 22 years, 11 months, and 3 weeks ago. She was utterly vile to me and most people, but she’s had zero impact on my life.

It’s only that I saw her old surname today before the meeting that I even twigged that it could be her. If I’d gone to the meeting and not seen that, I think I’d have spent the hour going “how do I know this woman?”.

Certainly, seeing her today brought back unpleasant memories but I can’t say that it impacted my life all that much.

I don’t believe she was some poor tortured sole who lashed out for attention. My first memory of her is on the first day of senior school when she literally went from girl to girl and demanded to know what their fathers did for a living. She came from a rich family, and the one thing she hated more than people who were poorer than her were those who were richer than her.

She has an older sister who I remember was always lovely, and I knew her brother through friends and he was a really nice person too so I don’t think it was a case of a dysfunctional home life, she was just a shitty person to be around.

I sent a message to my WhatsApp group of school friends saying who I met today and they all remember her as a bully too so are quite gleeful that I was forewarned and didn’t react to her.

I remember Sarah Millican talking about her childhood bully and how they had written wanting to get back in touch now she was famous. Sarah just wrote back with "I don't remember you too favourably", which I thought was very classy.

Yours is even better though! Love the way you ended the meeting.

So, what was she like as a sales person? And did she recognise you?

I think you handled it perfectly. OP

I think the most famous bully comeuppance story was Kate Winslet. After Titanic she met her school bully who was working on a counter in a department store. She thanked her for being such a bitch as it made her stronger.

Make her sweat her ass off for the sale. Then there will be a strong reason why she is 2nd choice!

I'm very glad I read right through to the end of the thread before hitting Comment because I was empathising something chronic with you at the beginning! Huge hugs from someone else who survived, just about, with a wibble or two or six. xxx

Sorry the empathising bit is because my very first reaction was to tell her to take a jump somewhere toward the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more, and then I saw she'd actually utterly bogged the sales meeting anyway.

@SalsaLove

Mumsnet is so nasty when they don’t agree with your suggestion. I will make a note and reply in kind.

Depends how batshit stupid the suggestion is.

Just to be clear, I'm aware there was no suggestion in the OP that Edwina was involved in bullying the classmate who committed suicide, but it was suggested in the thread amongst all other kinds of reaches.

*Her (with that stupid donkey laugh I’d forgotten about): Well, hopefully I’m more memorable now after…

Me: Thanks everyone. Take care.

Also me:
~The host has ended the meeting for everyone~*

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

‘It isn’t! Edwina! Is that you? Wow, after all these years. Darling, how are you? You were such a troubled child - and that acne too. I always felt for you. Haven’t you done well for yourself? Who’s your therapist?’