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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

608 replies

TheRealAnnabelleBronstein · 12/10/2021 13:21

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 12/10/2021 21:01

I have recently(ish) reconnected with someone who was vile to me at school. Really nasty and egged others on too. She has admitted it and although it doesn't entirely excuse it, she was quite a confused and messed up teenager acting up. Covering her own insecurities by making others feel bad. Coming into contact with her has actually been quite healing as the bullying was a kind of unresolved issue from the past.

nanbread · 12/10/2021 21:02

Perfect OP and well done for keeping your cool during the meeting, I'd have gone bright red

HappyDays101010 · 12/10/2021 21:02

Excellent!

WithMyEncyclopedia · 12/10/2021 21:03

Good outcome op, even if you didn't go and get a "professional blow-dry" between posting here and doing the Zoom call... Grin

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 21:03

@TheViewFromTheCheapSeats

Haven’t read it all- but usually the thing that works best: don’t acknowledge and be detached and professional. If she claims to know you look politely blank, smile and say ‘oh gosh, what a long time ago! I’m impressed you have such a memory for school’ then plough in with the meeting
It's all been sorted now
2018SoFarSoGreat · 12/10/2021 21:04

well played, OP. Well done! You demonstrated ably the old saw that power is taken, not given. You took it so well!

Pendore · 12/10/2021 21:05

Bravo OP!

Mooloolabababy · 12/10/2021 21:09

Wow op, Awesome update, Very well handled!

Milliepossum · 12/10/2021 21:14

Great approach. I’ll try to remember that sort of response for when I need it.

Opalfeet · 12/10/2021 21:17

Great outcome. 👍

Chocolatier9 · 12/10/2021 21:17

Beautifully done. Grin. Flowers.

And thanks for coming back to tell us.

KateTheEighth · 12/10/2021 21:19

OP!

Well done Smile

amazeandastonish · 12/10/2021 21:20

Well the girl who bullied me at school is the one in a 'head of' role whilst I am a junior. Fortunately we work in different organisations and our paths are unlikely to ever cross professionally but I do wish karma had bitten her in the ass. She is less qualified than me (dropped out of uni for example) yet gets paid over 20k more than me a year. Her DH is a policeman working with vulnerable people obviously and I wonder if he ever knew what a vile person she was to me, even in adulthood so its not one of those 'people grow up' scenarios. She was still a bitch as an adult. Anyway, karma doesn't always pay a visit.

FlamingoDust · 12/10/2021 21:20

Well played!

DisappearingGirl · 12/10/2021 21:21

Oh well done OP. Fantastic. I was bullied at school so I was rooting for you!

Jumpingintochristmas · 12/10/2021 21:24

Grace and dignity. Bravo @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 12/10/2021 21:25

Well done 😊

My DH bumped into his school bully and the bully acted like they were mates. No awareness of the impact of his behaviour whatsoever. I suspect that's common with bullies.

Spudlet · 12/10/2021 21:26

Nicely done op 👍

indignatio · 12/10/2021 21:27

Any chance she was put forward to pitch because she said that you went to school together?

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/10/2021 21:27

Bloody perfect!!

KaycePollard · 12/10/2021 21:29

Well done, @TheRealAnnabelleBronstein That was class, and will leave her wondering.

TheSunIsStillShining · 12/10/2021 21:29

Similar, yet diff story.
In a position to decide vendor. Vendor X turned out to be the bully who made my life hell in highschool.
Went to the meeting, made him look like an idiot because I really went into details and he has always been stupid as hell so wan't hard to do.
He actually tried to ask for my boss in the middle of the meeting, because I obviously know too much and it is difficult to convince us that they have the best product (not joking he really said that), but the CEO in the meeting flatly refused and re-stated that I was the utmost expert in this field, so "suck it up buttercup".
He left with his tail between his legs.

Yes, not my most respectable moment in my life, but it felt sooo good :)

flowery · 12/10/2021 21:30

”I’m not going to recuse myself. There’s no conflict of interest. The product is the product and the pricing is the pricing- they’re my key metrics.
I head-up the department that uses this software across dozens of locations; sleeping with the Bid Manager might be a conflict of interest, disliking one of the sales people from 20 years ago is not”

You asked how people would “play it” and suggested you wanted to give her a bit of a hard time.

That very much suggests it is a lot more of a conflict of interest than you are now saying. But if you’re actually perfectly confident you can act professionally and impassionately, rather than working out ways you can ensure it’s not a walk in the park for her, there’s no issue at all.

CharityDingle · 12/10/2021 21:31

@amazeandastonish

Well the girl who bullied me at school is the one in a 'head of' role whilst I am a junior. Fortunately we work in different organisations and our paths are unlikely to ever cross professionally but I do wish karma had bitten her in the ass. She is less qualified than me (dropped out of uni for example) yet gets paid over 20k more than me a year. Her DH is a policeman working with vulnerable people obviously and I wonder if he ever knew what a vile person she was to me, even in adulthood so its not one of those 'people grow up' scenarios. She was still a bitch as an adult. Anyway, karma doesn't always pay a visit.
I was bullied at work. It was so insidious that it took me a while to even realise what was going on. Anyone who meets the bullyboy thinks he is the sweetest, funniest guy they have ever met. Some of us know differently. He has gone from strength to strength, career wise. Climbed to the top of the organisation, then onto something even more highly paid. No karma there either unfortunately.
Waternoice · 12/10/2021 21:35

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