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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shit. I think I have a zoom meeting with my childhood bully.

608 replies

TheRealAnnabelleBronstein · 12/10/2021 13:21

I’m not in the UK so hope this won’t be outing. Have changed details for privacy.

Imagine my name is Eleanor Smyth but I changed my name when I married and am now Eleanor Johnson. Imagine also that I’m the Head of Finance for a huge organization.

A company who sells financial services software has been contacting me for quite a while now asking for me to meet with them for a product demonstration. We’re now in a position where we’re going to stop using our existing product so doing demos with several organizations. The successful company will also be given a piece of work to prepare our related systems for integration and testing and training so there’s a project element as well as a product. The budget for the project is roughly $15m and then the product will be roughly $2m/year so it’s a big piece of work.

The Relationship Manager let me know that the call would be led by one of their sales people who he referred to as (name changed), Edwina Craig. All good and a zoom meeting was arranged.

I’ve just looked at the Zoom invite and can see that Edwina Craig is actually on there as Edwina Craig-Dyson.

Edwina Dyson was the school bully. Thoroughly unpleasant person who made my time at second level very difficult. She was so insidious. She wouldn’t physically bully but it was constant picking and awful comments. When I was in school, a classmate killed herself. I remember one day Edwina and some of her gang surrounded me after school and she basically told me that nobody liked me and everyone was upset that the other girl died and not me. Awful stuff to try and get your head around at 15. It was constant and draining snd, in hindsight, I’m just glad it all happened before social media and mobile phones so at least I could go home and get a break from it.

I finished school, moved to a city 400 miles away and haven’t thought of her since.

I googled Edwina Craig to see her LinkedIn profile picture and found one, but I can’t make out if it’s her or not- I haven’t seen her in over 20 years. I think it is. The location also makes sense.

So, if you were me and it is her, how would you play it? Ultimately, if they have the best product for the best price, we’ll go with them, but I don’t want it to be a walk in the park for her if she really is who I think she is.

I don’t think she’ll know I’m me, if you get me. My name isn’t uncommon and I’m based on a different city than where we grew up so I don’t think she’d make the link.

OP posts:
arrangeyourface · 12/10/2021 19:27

@ilovesooty

Well it sounds as though the OP was going to keep it professional. Some of the suggestions have been absurd.
Absolutely nuts. I’m surprised no-one suggested the OP flick her hair dismissively, turn on her (stiletto) heel and flounce from the room.
SalsaLove · 12/10/2021 19:27

Get a professional blow dry, wear your best suit, and be professional and confident.

AhNowTed · 12/10/2021 19:28

I would allow a vague glimmer of recognition cross my face.

There's nothing more powerful than total indifference.

MrsRobbieHart · 12/10/2021 19:35

@SalsaLove

Get a professional blow dry, wear your best suit, and be professional and confident.
😂
Pr1mr0se · 12/10/2021 19:37

Let it go. Deal with the meeting professionally. Get yourself some decent counselling help.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/10/2021 19:43

Shamelessly here to find out it wasn’t her🤣

moostermum · 12/10/2021 19:44

I'd deal with it professionally but definitely mention "did you go to xx school" just to shit her a bit. She'll remember

butterpuffed · 12/10/2021 19:44

@Pr1mr0se

Let it go. Deal with the meeting professionally. Get yourself some decent counselling help.
It's possibly some of the posters in here that need it more than OP Grin
MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/10/2021 19:48

I’m just shamelessly placemarking for the post-meeting update, hope it went well OP!

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 19:48

@moostermum

I'd deal with it professionally but definitely mention "did you go to xx school" just to shit her a bit. She'll remember
She probably won't...
JustJustWhy · 12/10/2021 19:48

@SalsaLove

Get a professional blow dry, wear your best suit, and be professional and confident.
A series of tinkly laughs should suffice...
Poppyhopscotch · 12/10/2021 19:49

What happened OP?

JamieFrasersBigSwingingKilt · 12/10/2021 19:57

@Applesonthelawn

I would acknowledge that you know her, not be friendly or smiley about it, ensure the hierarchy with yourself at the top is maintained, act throughout the entire presentation as if I had moved past it, and then later make a judgement about whether it's the best product. If you go with it, you could ask for her to be removed from any chain of contact with your firm if you really want to push it but I'm not sure I'd bother. The fact that you are more senior in your profession is all the revenge you need. But I'd want her to know it in a very small way, a frosty smile perhaps, some slightly intimidating body language, that you haven't forgotten how awful she was.
This is what I'd do too.
Pythonista · 12/10/2021 19:58

I think people are over estimating their acting skills. A 'frosty smile'? Really.

Opalfeet · 12/10/2021 19:59

Well I was going to advise to just enjoy yourself and ask lots of difficult questions, but let it go to the best company obvs. How did the meeting go?

ilovesooty · 12/10/2021 20:00

I don't think it's necessary to introduce or respond to anything of a personal nature.

Mum233 · 12/10/2021 20:03

Treat her as if you don’t know her.
Means you are still professional and will annoy her that you don’t remember her x

greendiva · 12/10/2021 20:04

Really want to know, you sound amazing OP!

stillsleeptraining · 12/10/2021 20:09

How did it go, OP? Was it her?!

TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons · 12/10/2021 20:14

One of my bullies is in the secondary school Facebook group, he hasn't acknowledged he remembers me, of course he bloody does, only 4 people in the country have my surname and I have a very unusual first name for my generation. He goes live at gigs a lot and I just like his posts, nothing more. I feel like that 17 year old again whenever I see his name.

amazeandastonish · 12/10/2021 20:15

Don't think OP is coming back

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 20:16

Hopefully she hasn't taken some of these fuck awful suggestions and run with them

arrangeyourface · 12/10/2021 20:18

@Pythonista

I think people are over estimating their acting skills. A 'frosty smile'? Really.
Combined with a head-tilt and a tinkly laugh.
Pythonista · 12/10/2021 20:19

Exactly! And probably 'did you mean to be so rude'

the answer to which is of course 'yes I did

SalsaLove · 12/10/2021 20:20

Mumsnet is so nasty when they don’t agree with your suggestion. I will make a note and reply in kind.