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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send my 8 years old son to school on the bus?

283 replies

loveblueskys · 11/10/2021 18:18

Hi all,

So DS1 is 8, 9 next month he's in yr4. So the school he goes to is about 2.6 miles from where we currently live (we used to live 5 minutes away from school before we moved in here - 2 years ago) We've been doing the drop off and pick ups of course.

As things have changed now currently pregnant and with 3 years old toddler who goes to nursery since this September, DH works hours, it became quite hard to do the school journeys with DS1.

I had a discussion with DH about sending DS1 to school and back on the bus only one bus straight from our main road to school main road (5-10 minutes walk to the bus stops.

DS is very sensible, mature enough for his age and responsible. He also very good with the journey on his own as we've tested him quite few times to lead us.

We're considering giving him a mobile phone ofc. My only concern is that what if the bus goes on diversion?

Has any of you sent DCs to school alone at around similar age? Just looking for some reassurance. TIA

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 11/10/2021 19:35

I would be OK with this from year 6 but only if you walked him to the bus to make sure it wasn’t delayed or diverted. Definitely not from year 4. I do work in a safeguarding role and this would definitely be of concern.

Mummadeze · 11/10/2021 19:36

No way.

Thatsplentyjack · 11/10/2021 19:38

My nearly 8 year old is now allowed to walk to and from school himself. I'm actually still doing the school run for other kids either walking or in the car so he's never that far from me, bit no, I wouldn't let him get on public transport alone now or in a years time.

Lou898 · 11/10/2021 19:39

My school only allow children to leave in their own from year 5.

Whilst I accept he could and probably would be fine on a journey with no incidents, he is not mature enough to deal with an out of the ordinary situation. A drunk man bothering him, a diversion, the bus not turning up /breaking down, bullying by older boys. I would just not out a 8 year old in this situation.

Skinnyankles · 11/10/2021 19:40

I had posted this question before. I didn't let him in the end.

It isn't his ability to walk to the bus stop, get on the bus etc. My concern was if older children cornered him or he encountered something that he was unable to deal with whilst waiting for the bus to arrive.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/10/2021 19:42

No, not at 8 and I don't know anyone who would be ok with that either. Everyone walks here in year 5 and some at end of year 4 but not the bus.

LizzieW1969 · 11/10/2021 19:48

No, I think 8 years old is too young for him to travel on a public bus. Too much could go wrong, like weirdos on the bus or older children bullying him. Or simply buses being cancelled or delayed.

EarringsandLipstick · 11/10/2021 19:49

My concern was if older children cornered him or he encountered something that he was unable to deal with whilst waiting for the bus to arrive.

I'd have similar concerns, even when a bit older.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 11/10/2021 19:53

My DS started taking buses alone from age 10. He was very independent and grown up for his age but wouldn't have felt happy on a bus alone younger than that. I think just 9 is a bit young. Next year it will be more suitable I would say.

Whitecushion · 11/10/2021 19:53

I'm another oldie who travelled on a public bus to school from the age of 5. Many countries still expect their children to do this. The little 5 year oldJapanese boy making his way on the underground to school in a tv documentary a while ago was pretty impressive. My children walked a mile to school from the age of 8 . Most children are much more capable than our present society allows them to be.

Thirtyrock39 · 11/10/2021 19:54

Definitely not op. Public transport can be scary as an adult at times let alone a child. I think you'd be making your son very vulnerable. So much that could go horribly wrong. Also it could really make him feel pushed out when the baby arrives and he's likely to want and need extra attention then not suddenly have to take a massive grown up step

Thirtyrock39 · 11/10/2021 19:56

The thing with other countries etc is all well and good but if there aren't other kids of this age taking the bus alone he's going to be more vulnerable as it will look and is unusual here

RobinPenguins · 11/10/2021 19:57

@Flidina

No way would I do this, maybe 11-12, but 9 is far too young, too much could go wrong.
Ok I find this comment odd too, “maybe 11 or 12”? I’d expect it to be the exception for a secondary school pupil not to be able to get the bus. Agree the OP’s child is too young through.
JustLyra · 11/10/2021 19:57

@Whitecushion

I'm another oldie who travelled on a public bus to school from the age of 5. Many countries still expect their children to do this. The little 5 year oldJapanese boy making his way on the underground to school in a tv documentary a while ago was pretty impressive. My children walked a mile to school from the age of 8 . Most children are much more capable than our present society allows them to be.
The big difference is that there will be lots of other young children travelling solo in other places.

Even down to little things like the bus company will think of it if there is a delayed or cancelled bus, but here there's no reason for them to think of solo 8yo's waiting on a bus as it's rare.

sospspsp · 11/10/2021 20:00

@BlusteryLake

He is too young to tackle public transport alone. Whilst you might think he would be OK if everything is hunkey dorey, what if there is a problem - bus route diverted, someone weird sits next to him etc. He is too young to navigate that. Take away the reason this has come up for a moment. If it were easy to take him, would you be happy to put him on the bus alone? I think the new situation is clouding your judgement.
I agree with this. It might be ok if everything went well and without hitch every single day....but that's not how life is.

Child-minder?
Grandparent?
Your DH juggles work?
Another parent at the school?
I assume you can't do it because nursery clashes? In which case do nursery drop off earlier-later

Gladioli23 · 11/10/2021 20:01

The other thing with other countries is their public transit systems may be significantly more reliable than ours!

I was travelling in London the other day, and a journey that should have been a single hop on the tube turned into a bus, then a train and then a tube. I've had buses that just didn't turn up at all. I've had bus signs that said the bus was coming shortly and it didn't turn up for nearly an hour. I've had a bus that didn't take it's published route and I had no idea where I should get off instead. I've had buses that just stopped before the end of the published line and had to get off and walk the remaining distance.

I just wouldn't be prepared to subject an 8 year old to the vagaries of British public transport!

Looubylou · 11/10/2021 20:02

I was targeted by a man on a bus, when I was in early years of secondary school, and didn't know what to do, so how would a 9 year old cope? I was also targeted walking home, age 8. You could see my living room from my class - on the face of it a very safe journey. I dealt with that better and ran off. I was targeted going to the shop for teacher's shopping, at lunch time (with a class mate that time), age 10. We ran off and told teacher on our return. I cannot imagine asking a nine year old to stand possibly alone at a bus stop - it is a very vulnerable position to be in. I'm 52,if people are wondering what school would send 10 year olds through a large housing estate, for teacher's shopping.

Itsbeen84yearss · 11/10/2021 20:05

I don’t get why it’s an issue for you to drop him off? Of course you can’t leave him to it on his own. Anything could happen

NoKnit · 11/10/2021 20:06

My son is 8 and has walked to school, 5 minute walk, alone for over a year. I would let him get a school bus but maybe not a public bus.

"8 is far too young. We live a 3 minute walk from school and I won't let dc goalone til she's 11."

I weep for children like this. Not allowed a 3 minute walk alone until 11? Society fails me I am actually speechless

ittakes2 · 11/10/2021 20:06

If this is a public bus - no way.

WaterBottle123 · 11/10/2021 20:10

Why can't you drive him? You haven't said?

SprinkledGlitter · 11/10/2021 20:17

I think it's also important that it's out of step with this generation.

You see people posting on here asking if certain parts of their childhood experience were normal for the time. I think it's easier to understand a parent's choices if there in line with popular thinking for the time.

This isn't so your ds will probably wonder what the hell you were thinking, when he starts reflecting back on his own childhood when he is an adult.

bigbluebus · 11/10/2021 20:22

My DS went to secondary school on the bus with similar journey time. DS has an ASD diagnosis so was fine as long as everything went smoothly. On one occasion he got on the bus in the village in the morning, I went to the gym and I'd only been there 5 mins when DS rang to ask me to take him to school. I was mystified as he'd got on the bus but apparently some idiot had parked opposite another car on the road out of the village and the bus couldn't get through. The driver had spent a frantic 10 mins knocking on doors to get the car moved to no avail. Some of the passengers got off the bus so DS did too - leaving him stranded. I had to race home to fetch him and take him to school.
On another occasion he was returning home from school when an accident cause the main road to be blocked. The bus was diverted down a back street which was too narrow for it. The bus got wedged, the driver chucked everyone off and the town quickly became gridlocked so no way I'd could get to DS by car. Fortunately he was capable of walking to our side of town so I could drive and meet him.

So whilst it might be fine for your DS to travel to school on the bus by himself you would need a very robust plan which you were certain he would stick to in the event there was a problem.

TakeMe2Insanity · 11/10/2021 20:24

I would say no. It’s different in countries where all children are walking home by themselves but not in countries like the uk where its not the norm.

My concerns would be around regular people that he would see on the bus everyday, because most most people stick to a routine, and gradually over time he might see them as friend who he casually chats to etc. There’s nothing wrong in that and nothing bad might happen but in theory they have access to a child without an adult for a regular period of time every single week day.

I really think you need to pay for pickup/drop service, child minder, breakfast club or something.

Nayday · 11/10/2021 20:25

Nope and I am a 'let them be independent' kind of parent.

This just isn't safe in a place where it isn't commonplace. Kids get the tube to school in packs, school buses etc, no parents - all good because there's many of them.

Your son travelling on his on on public transport regularly will be vunerable, and it's can become obvious to other people that he's vunerable as he'll be doing the same journey every day alone. Its a different situation but has parallels - in my adult female running group we never run the same route 2 weeks in a row so that we're not predicable. The likelihood of something really bad happening is likely to be very low, but who wants to take that chance? There's also a scale - thinking of everything from name calling to not knowing what to do if someone talks to him that he doesn't want to, missing his stop. On a public bus the bus driver may not even notice a lone 8 year old, let alone look out for him.

He's just too young to navigate the different scenarios that could occur and I wouldn't do this. Its only for another year or so and may be hard work, but I'd take him to school accompanied.

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