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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:

Offmyfence · 11/10/2021 12:41

[quote Offmyfence]@AngeloMysterioso why didn't you use the bag as a bag the day before?[/quote]
I see now you couldn't afford it yesterday, so why did you say you offered to pay for it? You couldn't of done.

WorraLiberty · 11/10/2021 12:41

[quote Offmyfence]@AngeloMysterioso why didn't you use the bag as a bag the day before?[/quote]
That's exactly what I was thinking?

Vallmo47 · 11/10/2021 12:41

You’re entitled to be disappointed obviously OP but I agree with the others that the lady wasn’t doing anything wrong by picking up a bag she liked and purchasing it. Also you did originally say you asked to buy it and have it put aside but then changed your story to not having enough money and being desperate for the toilet….
I do understand you’re disappointed but honestly, the lady doesn’t owe you the bag. I would have given it to you if I knew I wasn’t 100% sold on it, but if I really loved it and wanted to buy it I still would.

CallMeMabel · 11/10/2021 12:42

I probably would have let you have it out if embarrassment...but I would have thought you were a cheeky fucker. You had no more claim on it than she did.

Bigeggsinapackoften · 11/10/2021 12:42

didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me,

So this bit of your op wasn’t true then?

Mymapuddlington · 11/10/2021 12:42

So you didn’t offer to pay for the bag when asking them to put it to one side.
You think she’s horrible because she found and bought a bag she likes.

Does your entitled attitude work most of the time?

PeppermintMocha · 11/10/2021 12:43

@AngeloMysterioso

Literally all you can think about is yourself!

So wanting to buy a bag in a charity shop = literally all you can think about is yourself?

No. Not wanting to buy it = thinking about yourself.

Feeling that someone else ought to give it to you because you feel that you deserve it more than she does, despite knowing nothing about her situation, despite assuming from her comments that she didn't need it so desperately, feeling that she is a dick because she didn't give it to you, insisting that you're a nice person regardless = only seeing things from your point of view and as if they only revolve around your wants/needs/perspective

Gonnagetgoing · 11/10/2021 12:43

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I think it’s been explained badly.

From what I understand you were standing politely waiting to pick this bag up, her Mum was in the way so you were waiting. She then saw the bag for the first time and picked it up. You then said “sorry I’m standing her waiting to pick up that bag- I’ve come into town especially “. And the she just shrugged and bought it.

I think in these circumstances she should have let you have it.

If OP wanted it that badly all she had to do is interrupt or speaks up saying that the bag is reserved etc or whatever for her and can she have it please? Not wait for someone else to look at it, like it and decide to buy it instead.

WorraLiberty · 11/10/2021 12:43

Honestly- because I needed to wait for my child benefit payment to come in today. Yesterday I didn’t have enough money left having already done the shopping when I went in. Which was why I asked if they could put it aside for me.

Sorry I'm confused now.

Which was it?

AnnaSW1 · 11/10/2021 12:43

@Gonnagetgoing there's always tomorrow

FluffyWhiteBird · 11/10/2021 12:43

@AngeloMysterioso

Literally all you can think about is yourself!

So wanting to buy a bag in a charity shop = literally all you can think about is yourself?

No. Wanting someone to give up something as a favour to you, without any consideration for that person's own circumstances = thinking only of yourself.

First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo.

It's. A. Shop. This is the business model upon which all shops are run. 🤣

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 11/10/2021 12:44

You didn’t want to wait in the queue yesterday but you managed to ask staff if they’d keep the bag for you? Did you push your way to the front of the queue? Butt in while they were serving someone else?

firstimemamma · 11/10/2021 12:44

Yabu.

Bigeggsinapackoften · 11/10/2021 12:44

How could she have interrupted and said the bag was reserved when it wasn’t?

Original poster

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 12:44

Also you did originally say you asked to buy it and have it put aside but then changed your story to not having enough money and being desperate for the toilet

If she’d been able to save it then yes I’d have paid for it, but that would have literally emptied my account. But seeing as she couldn’t and I was going to have to come back the next day anyway I thought it would be better to wait.

OP posts:

meadowbleu · 11/10/2021 12:44

Honestly- because I needed to wait for my child benefit payment to come in today

I think we've all lost out on things we wanted because we didn't have the money at the time.

You're obviously smarting about it OP as it was the shop's fault for not putting it by for you, the shop's fault for being too crowded and having a stupid one way system (as part of their Covid policy probably) your own fault for being too nice waiting for someone in a wheelchair and your own fault for not having the presence of mind to say excuse me and reach for the bag. It wasn't that you couldn't carry it or that you couldn't be bothered to stand and transfer other shopping in the rain and if you were that desperate for a wee why were you browsing the charity shop, especially knowing you'd spent all your money anyway?

In reality the bag could've gone at any time before you got there so the other woman's decision to take it is neither here nor there really, but I do get your sense of disappointment in losing out on something you'd got your eye on.

Furrybootsyecomfy · 11/10/2021 12:45

@AngeloMysterioso

Literally all you can think about is yourself!

So wanting to buy a bag in a charity shop = literally all you can think about is yourself?

I don’t think anybody is criticising you for being disappointed by loosing out on the bag, but you do seem to assume that you are more deserving of this bag than this woman. There’s just no evidence of that. I think most people just think it’s a “can’t win them all” situation.

Original poster

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 12:45

@CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther

No, I just asked another member of staff who was stacking books at the time. Is that entitled as well?

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 11/10/2021 12:45

First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo

Why? Genuine question.

notacooldad · 11/10/2021 12:46

OP if you desperately need a changing bag have a look on Facebook market place. I just had a quick search and there's absolutely loads of really nice ones for a couple of quid.

vivainsomnia · 11/10/2021 12:47

If I wouldn’t have done that there’d be no point in my starting the thread would there? It would have been “AIBU to think this woman did exactly what I’d have done?”
Or you convinced of this after it happened to justify your outrage. Again, very stereotypical attitude of those with an entitlement complex.

PizzaCrust · 11/10/2021 12:47

Look, charity shops have pros and cons. Pros being you get items for bargain prices, cons being when 'good' items come in, they're one offs and are snapped up quickly.

Of course, its annoying when something you wanted that was the 'last' in stock/your size/whatever is sold out. But its one of those things. If you don't buy it then and there, you won't get it. It's the same in every charity shop or sale. You can't come in a day later and be upset that the last of something was sold to someone else.

You were highly unreasonable to say you'd essentially called dibs on it to the customer. Good on her for not backing down, because many people would have felt guilty into handing the bag over. Learn some manners.

Cocomarine · 11/10/2021 12:47

I don’t think it matters that OP changed her story about why she didn’t buy it. It doesn’t make any difference to what happened next day. So what if she didn’t want to say she’d run out of money? Lots of us have been there, and though there should be no shame in saying it, it’s totally understandable that you might not want to.
YABU to think this other woman was unkind for not giving it up, but YANBU to change that part of the story.
for you - it sucks when money is tight, and it sucks even more when you’re embarrassed about it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/10/2021 12:48

Please excuse all my typos in earlier post

Bagamoyo1 · 11/10/2021 12:48

I would have given it to you OP.

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