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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
mustlovegin · 12/10/2021 20:49

I work in a charity shop, every single one I've worked in is tiny

Ok, fair enough.

We don't know the policies where the OP shopped

slashlover · 12/10/2021 20:53

@mustlovegin

I work in a charity shop, every single one I've worked in is tiny

Ok, fair enough.

We don't know the policies where the OP shopped

We do, because they told OP. the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me
Mumontour85 · 12/10/2021 20:57

Gah - I hate that you can't edit comments on here!
I did write my previous comment in a bit of a rush, it was way longer than intended and didn't come over quite as I meant it, so apologies for any random offense caused.
However... the responses that you've written have just reinforced the part of my previous comment about people on this site... you're all so quick to judge and tell people 'you know their type' , calling people entitled and other such things and making what I assume you think are 'funny' comments. The irony that you're saying it whilst reinforcing your own stereotype is just too much!
Go forth into the world keyboard warriors and make the world a slightly worse place 👏🤣

DrSbaitso · 12/10/2021 20:59

it was way longer than intended and didn't come over quite as I meant it, so apologies for any random offense caused.

Don't apologise. I enjoyed it almost as much as the one that turned the incident into an Orwellian dystopia.

Cas112 · 12/10/2021 21:10

It’s life, things happens. It was just unfortunate you didn’t get to take it to the till first

LovelyIssues · 12/10/2021 21:13

This is a dick move OP! I would have handed it over to you

Rollonbreaktime · 12/10/2021 21:28

You are correct @slashlover I have no idea about charity retail but I still don't think it's very charitable not to give people a chance to come back to purchase an item the following day. Maybe the customer should sign to say exactly what they are reserving and that it is for 24 hours only. If the customer does not return within the 24 hours the item is returned to the shop floor. If the customer returns within 24 hours they have to bring the signed paper back in with them to purchase said item. This does take time and may seem like a lot of hassle but it keeps everyone happy. I have often reserved items in shops eg M&S and this is the sort of system they have.

DrSbaitso · 12/10/2021 21:32

I still don't think it's very charitable not to give people a chance to come back to purchase an item the following day.

Charity shops' loyalty is to the charity, not individual shoppers. They work on a model that relies on shifting things fast and not sitting on shelves taking up space for ages. It's established from those who would know that people frequently don't come back when they say they will, leaving shelf space occupied with stuff that isn't getting money and preventing them from putting more stock out.

This does take time and may seem like a lot of hassle but it keeps everyone happy.

It keeps annoying customers happy. It doesn't keep the shop or other customers happy.

I have often reserved items in shops eg M&S and this is the sort of system they have.

M&S isn't a charity shop and doesn't have the same business model. Charity shops need to have stock constantly moving.

JuneJuly · 12/10/2021 22:02

@AngeloMysterioso - with this 'perfect storm' of circumstances, that ended up with you missing out on this particular changing bag, I would try to see it as fate, that you weren't meant to have it for some reason, & that potentially something else/better will come along at another time 🤞

Offmyfence · 12/10/2021 22:05

@Mumontour85

Gah - I hate that you can't edit comments on here! I did write my previous comment in a bit of a rush, it was way longer than intended and didn't come over quite as I meant it, so apologies for any random offense caused. However... the responses that you've written have just reinforced the part of my previous comment about people on this site... you're all so quick to judge and tell people 'you know their type' , calling people entitled and other such things and making what I assume you think are 'funny' comments. The irony that you're saying it whilst reinforcing your own stereotype is just too much! Go forth into the world keyboard warriors and make the world a slightly worse place 👏🤣
Whilst you're saying you know were bullies and would stand with full trolleys, whilst someone behind us had two items!

The irony of your judgement is hilarious.

Offmyfence · 12/10/2021 22:18

@Rollonbreaktime

You are correct *@slashlover* I have no idea about charity retail but I still don't think it's very charitable not to give people a chance to come back to purchase an item the following day. Maybe the customer should sign to say exactly what they are reserving and that it is for 24 hours only. If the customer does not return within the 24 hours the item is returned to the shop floor. If the customer returns within 24 hours they have to bring the signed paper back in with them to purchase said item. This does take time and may seem like a lot of hassle but it keeps everyone happy. I have often reserved items in shops eg M&S and this is the sort of system they have.
They work and raise money for the charity, they're used to people saying "they'll be back and not arriving". It's transpired that OP lied about offering to pay for the item, just goes to show people are not what them seem to be.
slashlover · 12/10/2021 22:24

They work and raise money for the charity, they're used to people saying "they'll be back and not arriving". It's transpired that OP lied about offering to pay for the item, just goes to show people are not what them seem to be.

There's also the problem that sometimes we have bulky items like furniture or an adult bike, or the baby shop will have a cot or pram. We simply can't have things like that cluttering up the back room or taking up floor space when we have other items we could be selling. It's ok for people to think "it's just a bag" but it's better to have a blanket rule rather than different rules for different items.

Offmyfence · 12/10/2021 22:28

@slashlover

They work and raise money for the charity, they're used to people saying "they'll be back and not arriving". It's transpired that OP lied about offering to pay for the item, just goes to show people are not what them seem to be.

There's also the problem that sometimes we have bulky items like furniture or an adult bike, or the baby shop will have a cot or pram. We simply can't have things like that cluttering up the back room or taking up floor space when we have other items we could be selling. It's ok for people to think "it's just a bag" but it's better to have a blanket rule rather than different rules for different items.

Totally agree and especially when it's transpired that OP hadn't offered to pay, so no incentive to return.
SD1978 · 12/10/2021 22:31

If you'd wanted it that much, you'd have found the space yesterday. I wouldn't have given it to you if you'd piped up with but I wanted that- she obviously did too. It's unfortunate, and annoying, but not at the level of dick.

DroopyClematis · 12/10/2021 22:38

Think this thread might now be dead and buried as OP is probably too embarrassed to face us.

RRBB1920 · 12/10/2021 23:36

I 'lost' a lot of things in charity shops when I didn't buy as soon as I saw an item. You wise up.

Granjeanne · 12/10/2021 23:36

AngeloMysterioso

Shit happens. Get over it! And YADBU

GetOffThatPhone · 13/10/2021 00:21

I feel a bit sorry for the OP. The Mumsnet collective have certainly let her have it!

sue20 · 13/10/2021 01:14

@Andrewthecharminbumwiper

Why was it a dick move? The shop hadn't reserved it for you. Did you offer to pay and them keep it to one side until this morning? The other woman owed you nothing.
Read the post the shop doesn’t reserve stuff. A lot of these shops don’t it seems very mean. If it was the same person working I would have felt they should have backed you up. I think it is mean of customer given the obvious congestion in the shop and your explanation of especially coming back for the bag.
Balonzette · 13/10/2021 01:30

Umm no. I think it was pretty awkward that you even said that TBH.

Angrywife · 13/10/2021 04:23

@AngeloMysterioso

First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo

I agree, but it’s an attitude shared by the majority of people on this thread, apparently.

But OP, YOU are the one with the "first come, first served so fuck you" attitude!!

BTW, the definition of "nice", isn't "entitled"

TheKeatingFive · 13/10/2021 08:57

A lot of these shops don’t it seems very mean

It's just practical. The vast majority of people don't come back for the stuff,

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 13/10/2021 09:41

@Mumontour85

Gah - I hate that you can't edit comments on here! I did write my previous comment in a bit of a rush, it was way longer than intended and didn't come over quite as I meant it, so apologies for any random offense caused. However... the responses that you've written have just reinforced the part of my previous comment about people on this site... you're all so quick to judge and tell people 'you know their type' , calling people entitled and other such things and making what I assume you think are 'funny' comments. The irony that you're saying it whilst reinforcing your own stereotype is just too much! Go forth into the world keyboard warriors and make the world a slightly worse place 👏🤣
I'm not really 'down' with emojis and all that, but is it the done thing to applaud oneself?
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/10/2021 10:50

@AngeloMysterioso

Can't expect people to be nice, no one is these days.

As evidenced by this thread!

Seriously, I’m the only person who would have not taken it if I’d been her?

You say that now op without being in that position, you don't know for sure if you'd given it to her.

Reminds me of when I was in a charity shop and someone behind me in the paying queue had a pair of designer shoes in my size. I'd seen them a day before, came back but couldn't find them and assumed they'd been bought.
I would have never asked her to give it to me, I just mentioned how beautiful they were and how lucky she was to get them, ~then cried my way home~

We can't always get what we want. Understandable to be frustrated but should have spoken up for someone to pass it to you.

It wasn't the bag for you OP, there's a better bag out there for you.

stayathomer · 13/10/2021 11:10

I think yabu BUT like you said if someone said it I'd give it up or at least defend my position on needing it. But I would have felt bad either way that you said it. But people are being a bit mean on this thread too