To think she ought to have let me have it?

[AngeloMysterioso]

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

@momtoboys

Life is too short to worry about stuff like this.

I disagree; we're all having a wonderful time

I don’t understand why you didn’t buy it when you saw it? I understand your arms were full but it’s a bag, could you not have put some of what you were already carrying inside it to assist in getting it home and also make carrying the stuff easier? Or slung it over your shoulder and carried on?

If this had happened to me, I’d have given up the bag to the person who made the effort to come back for it, but, not everyone would and just because some wouldn’t that doesn’t make it wrong.

It's annoying when that happens, same happened to me a couple of weeks back. I raced back to the shop after checking my daughter wanted what I had found, we stopped in the car to let some old person pull out that was finding it difficult, and because of that I just missed out as someone else was just paying for these items as I got back to the shop. I was gutted but that's life.

Your downfall was mentioning to the other woman that you wanted it. That increased the bag’s desirability and made her determined to hang onto it. Note to self, next time follow woman holding bag around the shop until you see her put down said bag for a nano second to pick up something else, you then pounce on the prized bag. Or plan B which would be to involve the shop assistant to say can you pass me that bag over that I was asking about yesterday, before other mum grasps it.

What bag was it 👀

I think it was strange of you to approach her once she had picked up the bag. I don’t think many people would have done that. Also I’m unclear how you didn’t have space to sling a bag on your shoulder yesterday. You could have just put your existing handbag or some of your other shopping in it.

I voted YABU but I personally would have given it to you (assuming you seemed nice and not arsey). I can also see why you were fuming that you were stuck there behind her mum, desperate to get to the bag and it was probably your itching to get to it that drew her attention to it. I would’ve found it very stressful and annoying! Whereabouts do you live? I am pretty sure I have a skip hop satchel type one in the loft that I don’t need - I’m in the south east. If you’re nearish London and want it then message me. Rucksacks are better though!

But then I was taught that that is good manners

But it wasn’t good manners to have spoken up when she picked it up first and implied she should give it to you. That’s rude and put her in a really awkward situation.

@Passenger42

Your downfall was mentioning to the other woman that you wanted it. That increased the bag’s desirability and made her determined to hang onto it. Note to self, next time follow woman holding bag around the shop until you see her put down said bag for a nano second to pick up something else, you then pounce on the prized bag. Or plan B which would be to involve the shop assistant to say can you pass me that bag over that I was asking about yesterday, before other mum grasps it.

But this is no ordinary bag, this is a bag that people return for the next day, it's a bag that's highly desirable.....

Just suppose this other person likes the. Bag just as much as OP, because it was so desirable?

On anything other other mumsnet I would be astounded by the attitudes in these messages 🙄
It WAS a massive dick move in my humble opinion. All of you saying it wasn't are being ridiculous, even more of you are being incredibly rude to and about the OP which is wholly unnecessary! Are you also the kind of people that say online bullying is bad 🤔🤨
You're probably the types of people that when you have a full trolley you won't let someone with two things go ahead because 'they're not more entitled than you to buy their food' 🤦🏼‍♀️

If you really had a woman, or even man, waiting behind you in a shop and this happened, would you really just shrug and buy it anyway? I mean... really??! Says a great deal about the kind of person you are to be honest.
The woman that picked it up had every right to it sure, but aren't decency and compassion things anymore?! Obviously not on here!

I'm sorry you missed out on the bag OP, and even sorrier that you've been so bullied on here for daring to share your story!

PS just googled what skip hop bags look like these days and it is very ugly in comparison, please don’t get too excited if you’re nearby!

@Mumontour85

On anything other other mumsnet I would be astounded by the attitudes in these messages 🙄 It WAS a massive dick move in my humble opinion. All of you saying it wasn't are being ridiculous, even more of you are being incredibly rude to and about the OP which is wholly unnecessary! Are you also the kind of people that say online bullying is bad 🤔🤨 You're probably the types of people that when you have a full trolley you won't let someone with two things go ahead because 'they're not more entitled than you to buy their food' 🤦🏼‍♀️

If you really had a woman, or even man, waiting behind you in a shop and this happened, would you really just shrug and buy it anyway? I mean... really??! Says a great deal about the kind of person you are to be honest.
The woman that picked it up had every right to it sure, but aren't decency and compassion things anymore?! Obviously not on here!

I'm sorry you missed out on the bag OP, and even sorrier that you've been so bullied on here for daring to share your story!

Yeah really really I would buy it!!

What a ridiculous leap about trolleys full and two items etc?

And OP calling people dicks is not rude, you're probably a massive name caller as well, probably call women bitches etc? I know the type, so entitled.

@Mumontour85

On anything other other mumsnet I would be astounded by the attitudes in these messages 🙄 It WAS a massive dick move in my humble opinion. All of you saying it wasn't are being ridiculous, even more of you are being incredibly rude to and about the OP which is wholly unnecessary! Are you also the kind of people that say online bullying is bad 🤔🤨 You're probably the types of people that when you have a full trolley you won't let someone with two things go ahead because 'they're not more entitled than you to buy their food' 🤦🏼‍♀️

If you really had a woman, or even man, waiting behind you in a shop and this happened, would you really just shrug and buy it anyway? I mean... really??! Says a great deal about the kind of person you are to be honest.
The woman that picked it up had every right to it sure, but aren't decency and compassion things anymore?! Obviously not on here!

I'm sorry you missed out on the bag OP, and even sorrier that you've been so bullied on here for daring to share your story!

And compassion 😂 it's a second hand change bag! 😂 😂

There is a huge difference between 'letting' someone buy something you also want to buy and letting someone nip ahead in the queue.

The risk you take with any charity shop, pre-owned item or eBay etc is that they don't have backstock so if you want it, you need to buy it.

It's a huge shame OPs situation but OP has options. She could have spoke up earlier, left the pram to one side while she nipped over to the bag (providing it wasn't a massive shop obviously), purchased the bag the day before, or got there earlier on the day. She didn't. She didn't do anything wrong but you can't always win just because you're 'nice'.

It's not a dick move. Far more of a dick move by trying to guilt the other shopper out of their purchase.

I love a charity shop but realise that if you see something there and decide, for whatever reason, to leave and come back later, there is a high chance that the item you wanted will be gone. You either buy there and then or take the chance. Sometimes that gamble pays off and it's still there, other times like for the op it's sold or being sold. That's just life. Not worth the angst over it. And certainly not worth thinking others are being dicks by not caving into a guilt trip.

@Passenger42

Your downfall was mentioning to the other woman that you wanted it. That increased the bag’s desirability and made her determined to hang onto it. Note to self, next time follow woman holding bag around the shop until you see her put down said bag for a nano second to pick up something else, you then pounce on the prized bag. Or plan B which would be to involve the shop assistant to say can you pass me that bag over that I was asking about yesterday, before other mum grasps it.

^^ Nice one.

It's not a dick move. Far more of a dick move by trying to guilt the other shopper out of their purchase.

This!

Decency and compassion... Christ alive

@Rollonbreaktime @ERFFER @mustlovegin @TatianaBis

I work in a charity shop, every single one I've worked in is tiny. We have a policy of keep an item, unpaid, until the end of the day and then it goes back out onto the shop floor.

We have had people pay for items "until the next day" and then not come back for 4 days, (yes, you CAN believe it) taking up space. We've kept something unpaid until the next day, put it back out, and the person appears 2 days later and complains that we should have known how desperately they wanted the item.

Calling us a "dick", a "jobsworth" and saying OP should have made sarcy comments is horrible and shows you know nothing about charity retail.

If this had happened to me, I’d have given up the bag to the person who made the effort to come back for it, but, not everyone would and just because some wouldn’t that doesn’t make it wrong.

The trouble is the person who picked up the bag up had no idea whether the OP had literally just seen it and liked it so said she had come back for it.
There are a lot of CF out there that would definitely do that.

I personally wouldn’t hand the bag over as I’m sure lots of people saw and liked the bag and maybe a few were planning on coming back for it.

I feel like this wouldn’t happen in a clothes shop or supermarket.

Most people who've said they would have given OP the bag say that it's because they're pushovers and they would have spent the rest of the day annoyed with themselves for doing it.

If you really had a woman, or even man, waiting behind you in a shop and this happened, would you really just shrug and buy it anyway?

I probably wouldn't shrug.

@slashlover

The charity shops near me are large and have large storey facilities. I know this as I’ve donated a lot of stuff and drop it into their back entrances.