Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
Chartreuse45 · 11/10/2021 16:09

I think the reach over and grab meant "reach over the person blocking the aisle and get the bag BEFORE the woman picked it up". At least that was the only way it made sense to me, grabbing out of her hands in some kind of physical power struggle doesn't fit with the rest of the post.

Muchmorethan · 11/10/2021 16:12

@Cuddlyrottweiler

She was there first unfortunately. I don't understand how you didn't have the arm space for a bag? It's a bag, put your other stuff in it and put it on? Not that it matters now.
Exactly what l was going to say!!
mumto2teenagers · 11/10/2021 16:12

YABU

First you said you offered to pay for it yesterday if they would keep it, then you said you didn't have the money to pay for it yesterday.

She got to it first, liked it and decided to buy it, therefore she is not being unreasonable at all not giving it to you.

00100001 · 11/10/2021 16:24

To clarify what I said

Is would have said excuse me and grabbed the bag INSTEAD OF waiting patiently for them to move. Not grab it from their hands!

Sorry I wasn't clear!

simitra · 11/10/2021 16:24

I can remember many years ago being at a book fair. I picked a book off the shelf and was about to buy it when another (male) customer snatched it out of my hand and said that he was about to buy it. I grabbed it back and told him that the etiquette on these occasions is that the person in whose hands it currently is has first dibs. If he had wanted the book then he should have picked it up. A row ensued and the dealer said she was not going to sell the book to either of us and put it under the counter.

Later on I passed the stand and the dealer said "Psst. If you still want the book you can have it. It was rude of him to snatch it but I didnt want to get caught in an argument."

So I got the book after all.

When an item is on display it is an "invitation to treat (or trade) " and the shopkeeper does not HAVE to sell it to anyone. However if I have the item in my hand I am considering a sale. Once I put it down I have decided not to buy and its up for grabs.

If I had wanted the bag I would have bought it, regardless if someone said they had returned/made a special journey for it. Its a tough old world out there and I buy and sell for a living.

Malin52 · 11/10/2021 16:24

@slashlover

First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo

So is, but I saw it first!

Ha! Exactly. Imagine a house purchase. Person 1 sees house, pretty sure they are going offer but needs to check finances so goes away to do so. Person 2 sees house and offer is accepted Person 1 bellows 'BUT I SAW IT FIRST! IVE COME HERE SPECIALLY TO BUY IT!,

This poster and the OP would believe it 'kind' for Person 2 to withdraw their offer on the strength of Person 1s demands. In reality we would all assume Person 1 to be entitled, self centred and totally unreasonable.

Franklyfrost · 11/10/2021 16:24

You went to a shop saw something, didn’t buy it, left and then someone else bought it. This is an outrage. What is the world coming to?

00100001 · 11/10/2021 16:25

@GreyhoundG1rl

But if I was you, I would have just said "excuse me" and reached over and grabbed the bag tbh. Oh, give over, you would not 😂
I meant instead of waiting around for them to move. I wasn't clear,sorry. :)
TrollsAreSaddos · 11/10/2021 16:28

This is a great moral dilemma.

OP, I promise I’m a nice person and I’m definitely not a dick but I think there was nothing wrong with the woman not giving you the bag. You don’t know her situation and, for all you know, she may have been looking for a bag for ages and may be a more worthy recipient than you. Who knows?? It’s not nice that you are calling her a dick.

I’m guessing someone on this thread will be offering you a nice second hand bag soon enough though 😉

YouBelongHere · 11/10/2021 16:38

I'm a bit confused about the set-up - your arms were ladened down with bags, you desperately needed the loo, had back ache and had no money but still popped into the shop for a browse?

This reminded me of when I was queuing up at the canteen in college and the girls behind me were talking about a box of food one of them wanted and there was only one left. I was also queuing for that box so I picked it up and heard the two of them bitching about me literally behind my back. Should I really have let them have it just because I overheard that they wanted it?

I would've given you the bag but only because I wouldn't have wanted a confrontation - and then would've been miffed that you'd even asked for the rest of the day even if I didn't want the bloody bag!

CoffeeAndKittens · 11/10/2021 16:42

@AngeloMysterioso
Hang on a minute, when someone asked you: "I'm sure if you had paid for it yesterday they would have put it under the counter for you."

You replied with: "They wouldn’t. I asked. They said they don’t have the space to hold stuff for people."

Then you said "Honestly- because I needed to wait for my child benefit payment to come in today. Yesterday I didn’t have enough money left having already done the shopping when I went in. Which was why I asked if they could put it aside for me."

So which was it? You said you would pay for it, or you didn't have enough money?

Also, if as you say, "On top of that yes I was carrying three heavy full bags and was in pain in my back and bursting for a wee, so at the time I just couldn’t face waiting in the queue and then standing outside in the rain transferring a load of stuff from one bag to another before carrying on home."

Why would you even go into any shop in the first place if you A) had no money B) had a bad back, C) were carrying 3 heavy bags and D) Needed a wee?! Confused

You seem to be twisting your story because people are saying you are unreasonable. Which you clearly are.

Threebillygoatsgruff · 11/10/2021 16:48

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

What a narrow minded, simple and prejudiced fool you've become after 25 years!. You are not giving SAHMs a good reputation are you.

Threebillygoatsgruff · 11/10/2021 16:50

Tbf you might have been the same before becoming a SAHM

Haudyourwheesht · 11/10/2021 16:52

@AngeloMysterioso I've got a Babymel change bag that I no longer need. It's a tweed one that converts to a backpack and still in pretty good condition. I can post it to you if you DM your address. I'd put it on a local page but no one wanted it but I'd like it to go to someone who would use it.

BoredZelda · 11/10/2021 16:53

If her mum hadn’t been stood there blocking the only route through the shop I’d have got to it first.

You could have said excuse me.

BoredZelda · 11/10/2021 16:55

Why would you even go into any shop in the first place if you A) had no money B) had a bad back, C) were carrying 3 heavy bags and D) Needed a wee?! confused

You seem to be twisting your story because people are saying you are unreasonable. Which you clearly are.

I agree. But hey, someone has offered to send her one, so it’s all good.

DeadGood · 11/10/2021 16:59

This thread is bringing out the worst of mumsnet

KevinTheKoala · 11/10/2021 17:00

Honestly, I understand its dissapointing but that's life unfortunately every single person on the planet will experience it at some point in some way or another. Charity shops are first come, first served - there will always be the chance someone else will buy it first... But its a changing bag. Look on Facebook market or join other second hand groups, or even ebay (Ive found some fantastic maternity clothes for bargain prices). There will be other changing bags it's really not worth getting upset over it.

QueenBee52 · 11/10/2021 17:01

I really want to see this BAG ?! lol

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/10/2021 17:05

Also, if as you say, "On top of that yes I was carrying three heavy full bags and was in pain in my back and bursting for a wee, so at the time I just couldn’t face waiting in the queue and then standing outside in the rain transferring a load of stuff from one bag to another before carrying on home."

Why would you even go into any shop in the first place if you A) had no money B) had a bad back, C) were carrying 3 heavy bags and D) Needed a wee?! Confused

You'd have to wonder... 🤦‍♀️
The Heavens were truly conspiring against you, op 🤣

KingsleyShacklebolt · 11/10/2021 17:10

The moral of the story is that if you see something in a charity shop that you like the look of, you buy it RIGHT AWAY.

I volunteer one morning a week in a charity shop and the number of people who come in saying "I was in yesterday and saw this picture/dress/necklace"... and it's sold. Obviously we don't have another one.

We don't keep things for customers any more either. We used to, and the ones who hadn't paid rarely came back. Or they'd ask us to keep a whole pile of stuff, come back, and buy one item. If we ask them to pay for an item, then it's even trickier if they don't come back as it's really not ours to sell any more so we're stuck with it cluttering up our back room until they decide to come back. So we banned the entire practice. If you want it, you buy it there and then.

heywassuphello · 11/10/2021 17:15

What makes you more important? No way you would've given her it if it was the other way round

00100001 · 11/10/2021 17:17

@KingsleyShacklebolt

Lol, that reminds me if the time I was browsing in a charity shop and listened to an conversation between a customer and a member of staff.

The customer wanted some kids shoes. She took a pair up to the till and the conversation went a little like this;
Customer: "do you have these shoes in a size 4?"
Shop person: "no, we have out what we have."
Customer: "but I need these in a size 4, can you check out the back?"
Shop Person: "no, all our kids shoes are on The shelf"
Customer: "ugh, there's no 4s out tjer. When will you get some?"
Shop Person: "we don't know. We never know what's donated"
Customer: " can't you order a pair in for me?"
Shop Person:"... That's not how it works...."
Customer then got all huffy and left the shop!

I had a giggle.

DroopyClematis · 11/10/2021 17:21

Just suck it up OP.

onelittlefrog · 11/10/2021 17:22

If her mum hadn’t been stood there blocking the only route through the shop I’d have got to it first

But you didn't get to it first. Confused

You were no more entitled to it than the other person. Just because you'd seen it earlier doesn't make any difference.

Sorry but it's tough luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread