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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
Seemssounfair · 11/10/2021 15:27

@ASeagullShatInMyEye

My comment was the result of this:

In my 25 years of being a parent and (as a SAHM) thousands of hours spent in school playgrounds and parks and soft play and blah blah blah blah, the most entitled and obnoxious children in my own personal experience have always been only children.

Which is not the same as saying that all only children are entitled and obnoxious (of course they aren't!), any more than it would be saying that all multiple children are nice and polite and share happily (because plenty of them are pretty grabby and unpleasant, too).

The OP's behaviour in this scenario reminds me of many encounters at toddler groups and so on where parents say "Oh but my little Johnnie was going to play with that", when some other child picks it up, rather than saying to little Johnnie "oh well, someone got there first - but there are lots of other things to play with".

(Actually, there are also a fair few PFBs in this category, now I think about it).

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

It is simply your own prejudice. I have met lots of ds(17) friends over the years, many were obnoxious or entitled, never once did I link their sibling count to their behaviour.

How would you react if I told you as a SAHM your children will most likely grow up to be clingy unsociable mummy's boys without a good female role model?

You wouldn't like it because it simply isn't true, some children of SAHM are clingy some aren't. Is it fair for someone to prejudge your dc as clingy and also perpetuate those myths?

Your posts sound judgmental and conceited. Being an only child is not an affliction and nothing to do with this thread.

DrSbaitso · 11/10/2021 15:28

@ASeagullShatInMyEye

And my remark was, after all, an idle one that fluttered across my mind and not one that deserves any particular degree of scrutiny. It certainly doesn't merit anyone losing their wig over it.
Well then why did you feel the need to share it?

It doesn't merit anything except derision amd scorn, which it has rightly met.

steff13 · 11/10/2021 15:30

@SylvanasWindrunner

Do you know, I probably would have handed it over and then spent the rest of the day berating myself for not being assertive and being a pushover about something I liked and had in my hands first. So fair play to her.
Me too!
YourFinestPantaloons · 11/10/2021 15:32

YABU. Sounds like something someone would say just to make someone hand it over. You had your chance to get it and didn't

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 11/10/2021 15:33

Ehm… you made her want it, by wanting it do much

Better to keep quiet!

Your comment probably cinched it for her

That’s life, you win some, lose some

ModerateOven · 11/10/2021 15:35

OK, I work in a charity shop, and there was a lovely White Stuff top I had my eye on. We're not allowed to buy anything until it's been on the shop floor 48 hours, so I had to stand and watch a couple of people pick it up and will them to put it down. One woman looked at it for quite a long time and caught my eye and smiled and said "It's nice but I'm not sure, I'll think about it overnight"

I knew perfectly well that I was going to buy it first thing in the morning 9am on the dot. Would you have said anything?

chaosmaker · 11/10/2021 15:36

@Arsewangry

This happened to me once at a primary school Bring and Buy sale. I found the most amazing barbie that I wanted to buy, I picked her up but set her back down to get my money out of my purse and DONNA from the year above me snatched her and bought her from under my nose. I still resent that.
Pfft Sindy was way better!
TacoTues · 11/10/2021 15:36

Just get on Vinted and find a similar bag. Great prices on there.

ASeagullShatInMyEye · 11/10/2021 15:42

Jolly good. At least we agree that the OP is being unreasonable and needs to realise that the world does not revolve around her and a missed opportunity in a charity shop.

Jeschara · 11/10/2021 15:46

The woman you complained about did nothing wrong, you on the other hand tried to guilt trip her. I would have said nothing and shown more dignity.

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2021 15:47

@ModerateOven

OK, I work in a charity shop, and there was a lovely White Stuff top I had my eye on. We're not allowed to buy anything until it's been on the shop floor 48 hours, so I had to stand and watch a couple of people pick it up and will them to put it down. One woman looked at it for quite a long time and caught my eye and smiled and said "It's nice but I'm not sure, I'll think about it overnight"

I knew perfectly well that I was going to buy it first thing in the morning 9am on the dot. Would you have said anything?

No,,I don’t think it’s right to influence her eith r way and she’s not to know you bought it.
OchonAgusOchonOh · 11/10/2021 15:51

@GreyhoundG1rl

But if I was you, I would have just said "excuse me" and reached over and grabbed the bag tbh. Oh, give over, you would not 😂
I assume the poster meant they would have said excuse me to the mother and picked it up from where it was displayed rather than waiting for her to move and thus giving the daughter the chance to spot it when she came back.

Op - I think the other customer was well within her rights in keeping the bag. You could have bought it the day before, even though you would have preferred to wait until your CB came in. You could have said excuse me to her mother and taken the bag then.

From the other customer's perspective, it quite likely appeared you were browsing and only developed an interest in the bag when she picked it up. Really, there was no reason at all that she should have given it to you unless she actually knew your circumstances (which she didn't) and decided your need was greater than hers.

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/10/2021 15:55

I assume the poster meant they would have said excuse me to the mother and picked it up from where it was displayed rather than waiting for her to move and thus giving the daughter the chance to spot it when she came back.
Ah yes, of course.
Well sure, I reckon that's what most people would have done, really. Shame op didn't think to.

DarlingFell · 11/10/2021 15:57

@AngeloMysterioso

Ok well I’ve gone from being unlucky at missing out on something that I really could have done with to rude, entitled, selfish, manipulative, calculated and god knows how many other personal attacks, so I’m going to leave this here now. I think my pride has taken enough of a beating for one day.
Aww OP don't take it to heart, AIBU is savage, you got away fairly lightly. Don't let a bunch of bored randomers ruin your day
SunshineCake1 · 11/10/2021 15:58

I'm going to start trying this, wandering up to people in shops who have things I want and telling them I made a special trip to get it after seeing it the day before.

@slashlover. Why?Hmm.

lynntheyresexpeople · 11/10/2021 16:02

It's weird as hell that you even attempted to try guilt her into giving you the bag - it's not her problem in the slightest. You are entirely unreasonable.

JudgeJ · 11/10/2021 16:02

@itsgoodtobehome

Reminds me of toddler days when a child would abandon a toy, but when another picks it up they say: "I was playing with that a minute ago" so that gives them ownership rights
I was in Aldi when we were queuing down one aisle at the height of the pandemic and I walked down to the back of the queue. A minute or so later a woman poked me in the back 'Oi, there's a queue', she had been at the end of the aisle loading nappies into her trolley, about 15m from the back of the queue! I looked at the nappies, looked at her and simply said 'Of course you were in the queue deary', she looked most unhappy. Passive aggression everytime.
JamieNorthlife · 11/10/2021 16:03

I'm with you OP. I hate when this happens. I'm sure the woman did not want to buy it but because you said you wanted, she took it.
I have seen this happening so many times. It's infuriating.

Don't worry about it you may find a better one soon.

Frazzledmummy123 · 11/10/2021 16:04

The charity shop should have probably kept it aside for you if you paid for it and a bit mean of them not to as they'd still have the money if you didn't go back for it.

However regards the girl, I think what happened was horrible and very disappointing given it was literally seconds before you got to it, but I don't think it was a dick move or she did anything wrong. It hadn't been reserved which was down to the charity shop refusing to reserve it for you, or you not taking it day before. If she had picked it up, it was hers and I know I wouldn't be handing it over to a random person who claimed they came back from yesterday for it.

JudgeJ · 11/10/2021 16:04

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

Keep telling yourself that but beware, halos can cause terrible headaches.
YourFinestPantaloons · 11/10/2021 16:05

@JamieNorthlife

I'm with you OP. I hate when this happens. I'm sure the woman did not want to buy it but because you said you wanted, she took it. I have seen this happening so many times. It's infuriating.

Don't worry about it you may find a better one soon.

Really Confused that exact situation with those malicious intentions?

You snooze you lose I'm afraid.

OP could have bought the bag but didn't

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/10/2021 16:06

I'm sure the woman did not want to buy it but because you said you wanted, she took it.
Absolutely, that's almost certainly why she bought it. Definitely. Wouldn't we all?

YourFinestPantaloons · 11/10/2021 16:06

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

Haha right-o
Frazzledmummy123 · 11/10/2021 16:07

@JamieNorthlife

I'm with you OP. I hate when this happens. I'm sure the woman did not want to buy it but because you said you wanted, she took it. I have seen this happening so many times. It's infuriating.

Don't worry about it you may find a better one soon.

So the woman bought the bag deliberately to spite her? Confused.
diddl · 11/10/2021 16:08

Going into a charity shop when you can't afford/carry anything else=rookie mistake!

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