To think she ought to have let me have it?

[AngeloMysterioso]

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

All throughout life there are going to be things we are all going to miss out on. The best way to deal with it is to accept it and move on.

You should have bought it the day before.

@00100001

you should have bought the bag when you saw it. The whole needing money to come into your account is BS trying to sway us to your side.

But, yes, if I was the other lady, I would have just let you have it.

But if I was you, I would have just said "excuse me" and reached over and grabbed the bag tbh.

There will be other baby bags - move on.

You would have snatched the bag from the other woman's hands?

Why didn’t you buy it when you saw it and ask them to put it away ?

You had no arm space but presumably you had the money first time round ?

Personally I would have let you have it.

My comment was the result of this:

In my 25 years of being a parent and (as a SAHM) thousands of hours spent in school playgrounds and parks and soft play and blah blah blah blah, the most entitled and obnoxious children in my own personal experience have always been only children.

Which is not the same as saying that all only children are entitled and obnoxious (of course they aren't!), any more than it would be saying that all multiple children are nice and polite and share happily (because plenty of them are pretty grabby and unpleasant, too).

The OP's behaviour in this scenario reminds me of many encounters at toddler groups and so on where parents say "Oh but my little Johnnie was going to play with that", when some other child picks it up, rather than saying to little Johnnie "oh well, someone got there first - but there are lots of other things to play with".

(Actually, there are also a fair few PFBs in this category, now I think about it).

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

I'm sorry you missed out. Do you keep an eye out on eBay and Depop? You might find the same one if you're lucky.

I feel for you, especially because it happened right in front of your eyes, but the woman who picked it up had no way of knowing that what you said to her was true.

It doesn't help you now, but it was literally a bag, no need for extra arm-room. You could have just decanted some of your other purchases into it.

Anyway, I hope you find another one or something you like better.

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

No shit, Sherlock.

But if I was you, I would have just said "excuse me" and reached over and grabbed the bag tbh.
Oh, give over, you would not 😂

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

And it directly contradicts my own experience, which is that people without siblings make more effort to play nicely with others as they don't have the "safety net", for want of a better term, of brothers and sisters.

So what can we conclude from this? That having adult children, and no science, doesn't legitimise your daft remarks about only children, which even you caveat several times? And they're not actually worth anything?

Good good.

@Arsewangry

This happened to me once at a primary school Bring and Buy sale. I found the most amazing barbie that I wanted to buy, I picked her up but set her back down to get my money out of my purse and DONNA from the year above me snatched her and bought her from under my nose. I still resent that.

This is totally different.

Tbh they might have picked it up then put it down again. You saying you wanted it probably made it more desirable.

Not quite sure why you thought you were more entitled to it than age was. It was not owned by either of you and she got there first. Thats life.

I really need to know what nappy bag it is to have caused so much inner turmoil ?! I want the damn bag myself now

Me too. And I don't even have a baby.

@GreyhoundG1rl unbelievable isn't it!

You are not the last nice person left in the world OP, I am nice too.

I wouldn’t have given you the bag though.

@HoldingTheDoor

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

No shit, Sherlock.

That was in response to someone telling me to Google only child myths. I'm not interested enough to do start wading through research into it - but do still wonder about the OP. It's equally possible, of course, that simply nobody ever taught her that you can't always have what you want, especially if you leave it in a charity shop, expecting it to wait for you to come back and assert your rightful claim to it.

@ASeagullShatInMyEye

My comment was the result of this:

In my 25 years of being a parent and (as a SAHM) thousands of hours spent in school playgrounds and parks and soft play and blah blah blah blah, the most entitled and obnoxious children in my own personal experience have always been only children.

Which is not the same as saying that all only children are entitled and obnoxious (of course they aren't!), any more than it would be saying that all multiple children are nice and polite and share happily (because plenty of them are pretty grabby and unpleasant, too).

The OP's behaviour in this scenario reminds me of many encounters at toddler groups and so on where parents say "Oh but my little Johnnie was going to play with that", when some other child picks it up, rather than saying to little Johnnie "oh well, someone got there first - but there are lots of other things to play with".

(Actually, there are also a fair few PFBs in this category, now I think about it).

It is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

Well, we're all finding you pretty obnoxious so far. Are you an only child?

How about another example: as soon as I read your comment about only children, I could have guessed that you were a SAHM. In my experience, SAHMs are narrow minded, judgemental busybodies who make lazy generalisations based on their own extremely limited experience of the world. That is simply my own experience, based on no science at all.

See how offensive that is? (Disclaimer - I don't think that about SAHMs, although in your case I'm willing to make an exception.)

@Viviennemary

You should have bought it the day before.

OP had two different responses as to this wasn't sadly possible, she couldn't carry the bag then or she didn't have money as her child benefit was being paid today.

And my remark was, after all, an idle one that fluttered across my mind and not one that deserves any particular degree of scrutiny. It certainly doesn't merit anyone losing their wig over it.

@ModerateOven

I really need to know what nappy bag it is to have caused so much inner turmoil ?! I want the damn bag myself now

Me too. And I don't even have a baby.

Perhaps this one? But with Burberry I always get flashbacks of seeing Daniella Westbrook clothed head to toe in Burberry whilst pushing a pushchair.

uk.burberry.com/baby-changing-bags/

@ASeagullShatInMyEye

And my remark was, after all, an idle one that fluttered across my mind and not one that deserves any particular degree of scrutiny. It certainly doesn't merit anyone losing their wig over it.

Would you like it if people wrote off your DC as selfish dicks without ever having met them?

I think the op has got the picture now, even if she hasn't admitted SWBU, this is just turning nasty, there is a pregnant woman having to read these comments. How many have had totally unreasonable moments when being pregnant? Most of the time you don't even realise your unreasonableness till months possibly years later.

Should have told her you'd bagsied it. Thems the rules.

Apologies if I'm missing the point but despite your drip feed of

1. Not having the money
2. Bursting for a wee
3. 3 heavy bags
4. In pain from all the above

You were fine with being in the shop looking.

I sympathise that to go back and just miss it to someone who (as far as you've decided) doesn't have as an emotive and deserving back story as you is annoying. But it's just life.

Not a dick move, perhaps if she could have mind read the very detailed level of deserving of the bag you have she might have given it to you.

But she didn't and of course couldn't so just bought something she wanted. Hell maybe she liked it because her dog had just died/it hadn't died it had just eaten her changing bag/her toe hurt and it made her day.

She had no idea what was going on in your head and didn't give you a second thought. Hate to break it to you but this is called the human condition. Just minding her own business and buying what she wanted with no thought at all as to how it might impact some stranger behind her.

Don't get upset with posters telling you the truth - that she was a total stranger in a charity shop buying something she wanted in a charity shop.

For all you know when you were shopping the day before you inadvertently bought the last loaf of bread/apple someone had their eye on/whatever. Did you spend your time wondering at the possible impact this may have had on random strangers after you?

Were you being a dick then? No. You were just going about your day utterly oblivious all the back stories/feelings/emotions of all the people around you. Like everyone else in the world does when they are out shopping.

It's fine to be annoyed. It's even fine to blame random oblivious woman and seek validation on here that she was a dick for not being able to sense for your very being that you deserved the bag.

But stop bristling at being told it was just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes and it let it go. Can't be good for you.

I predict there will be other changing bags. Maybe even a nicer/cheaper one.

I’d have given it to you. V annoying. Hopefully you’ll find a nicer one, but with charity shops, buy when you see, as they only tend to have one of each item. I expect you’ve already decided on that policy from now on anyway.