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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 11/10/2021 14:19

But you tried to take it off her!

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 11/10/2021 14:21

I think your problem in this case OP was politely waiting for them to move. I would have just said "excuse me" and picked up the bag.

But once the other lady had decided she'd wanted it, that was tough I'm afraid.

whenwillthemadnessend · 11/10/2021 14:23

Tough luck I'm afraid

LaikO · 11/10/2021 14:24

She got there first, you let her know you wanted it, she wanted to keep it herself... She hasn't done anything wrong. If you really wanted it before someone else took it, you could have said "excuse me" to her mum and picked it up.
In her situation, if it was a nice changing bag at a bargain price, I would have likely have said something along the lines of "Aww" and went to pay, I wouldn't think to hand it over when it hadn't been reserved.

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/10/2021 14:24

"Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”
Seriously?! Tough! I'd have ignored anyone behind me in the queue saying "hey, that was mine" as well 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jux · 11/10/2021 14:25

You say you could have paid for it and then you could have slung it round your neck or over a couple of fingers and gone home....

fumfspos · 11/10/2021 14:25

OP, I'd bet my last nappy bag on you being an only child

Ridiculous statement.
I'm an only child and I've never behaved like the OP has in this situation.

It's absolutely ridiculous. OP could have bought it the day before but she has a list of reasons why she didn't: her back was hurting, she needed a wee, she didn't have enough money, she didn't want to wait in the queue, she was already carrying 3 heavy bags. Then the next day she could have simply said excuse me to the person in front of her but didn't so she lost out and is now annoyed because the other woman took the bag. And has to make out what a great person is because she didn't push past an elderly woman and a wheelchair-user.

Doomscrolling · 11/10/2021 14:29

The OP’s posts are a study in a lack of self awareness.

OP - I saw it first so she’s a dick for seeing it second but buying it
Everyone - She’s not a dick, she’s just shopping in a charity shop. Don’t blame her because you’re disappointed
OP - you’re all horrible and I despair of humanity. I’m the nice one with good manners.

The only dick move, OP, is calling Earl and sundry a dick for a) not giving you the bag they were buying or b) agreeing with you online.

AramintaLee · 11/10/2021 14:29

Honestly if I had seen it and not desperately needed it and just happened to see it and think "oh that's nice" then I definitely would have let you have it.

sadie9 · 11/10/2021 14:30

I think there are two things being mixed up here.
You were broke and felt like the world owed you a favour.
And maybe it does.
BUT the shop had no way of knowing that you would ever come back for the bag. You could have put 50p deposit on the bag maybe and they'd have held it for you.
You felt you 'deserved' the bag more than the other person because of your emotional state at the time, and this clouded your ability to see the situation as the fairly neutral exchange that it was.
If it was the last punnet of grapes in Tesco and someone got there before you would you have reacted the same?
Or if you got their first would you have said to the person behind you - oh you take these grapes so because you came back into town for them...(without telling anyone that's what you were doing...)
It was as if you felt because you were in a charity shop and in dire straits that they should have 'known' you needed the bag more.

LuckyAmy1986 · 11/10/2021 14:30

I would have let you have it personally. But I can understand why someone wouldn't, and you don't know their personal circumstances at the end of the day.

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/10/2021 14:32

@AramintaLee

Honestly if I had seen it and not desperately needed it and just happened to see it and think "oh that's nice" then I definitely would have let you have it.
Would you really? To a complete stranger, just because she said she wanted it? That's actually more odd than nice, tbh.
Turnipup · 11/10/2021 14:33

Crimblecrumble1990
I would have given it to you OP. If I had literally just picked it up then definitely. Had i been walking around with it having selected it to buy then maybe not. But then again I am a bit of a push over in life smile

@AngeloMysterioso
Thank you! Jeez I’m starting to despair for humanity…

You’re praising and thanking the above poster for being a push over, that’s how you expected that woman to be by handing over the bag to you. If she’s a push over what does that make you?

WalkingOnTheCracks · 11/10/2021 14:34

I won't quote it, but that post of mine up there with the maths in, that's balls. I mean, the principle applies, but the numbers are wrong.

....and the moral of this one is, Don't read numbers on your phone when your glasses are in the kitchen.

I will certainly sign-up to the "why don't they have an edit function on here"'petition.

itsgoodtobehome · 11/10/2021 14:35

Reminds me of toddler days when a child would abandon a toy, but when another picks it up they say: "I was playing with that a minute ago" so that gives them ownership rights

Ticksallboxes · 11/10/2021 14:36

I would have been disappointed but to be nice I would have let you have the bag.

However, she may have thought you were just saying that so she would give it to you.

MarriedNotAtFirstSight · 11/10/2021 14:39

I'm completely cringing for you, OP

grapewine · 11/10/2021 14:39

@Turnipup

Crimblecrumble1990 I would have given it to you OP. If I had literally just picked it up then definitely. Had i been walking around with it having selected it to buy then maybe not. But then again I am a bit of a push over in life smile

@AngeloMysterioso
Thank you! Jeez I’m starting to despair for humanity…

You’re praising and thanking the above poster for being a push over, that’s how you expected that woman to be by handing over the bag to you. If she’s a push over what does that make you?

Exactly. Nice isn't it.
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 11/10/2021 14:40

@ASeagullShatInMyEye

I know *@Seemssounfair*, and I apologise. I'd still be interested to know in this particular case, though.
Why? It has no bearing on what happened.

Google 'Only child myths'.

Caelus · 11/10/2021 14:41

Sorry OP but there is no way of looking at this where you're in the right. If you'd been in the shop five minutes later, the bag would have just not been there as she'd have bought it. It makes no difference that you saw her get it or that her mum was in the way - you were unlucky, someone else got there first. If you think about it, you must be able to see that she was under no obligation to give it to you nor did she display a lack of manners or do anything wrong by not giving it to you. It's unlucky for you but there is genuinely no way in which you are in the right.

Threebillygoatsgruff · 11/10/2021 14:41

OP, I'd bet my last nappy bag on you being an only child

Stereotyping 'only children' now are we.

Threebillygoatsgruff · 11/10/2021 14:43

Trump will throw a tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants- he ain't an only child.

GreyhoundG1rl · 11/10/2021 14:44

God, have a bloody look at yourself, op Hmm
Calling the woman a dick and despairing of humanity when no one agrees with you. Shame on you.

JumperandJacket · 11/10/2021 14:45

I think, if I had picked up a bag I intended to buy in a charity shop and a stranger piped up said, "Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it", I would probably just be a bit baffled.

I don't think I would have made the leap to "ah, she intended to buy it on a previous occasion and has now returned to buy it and so considers herself to have the prior claim" (I mean, it's easy to get that reading having read the OP but just randomly in a shop- nope).

At best I would have thought you were saying you would have bought the bag if I hadn't seen it first. Most likely I would have just smiled vaguely at you and got on with my purchase.

ThreeYearsPastBestByDate · 11/10/2021 14:49

Yeah, sorry. Annoying for you, but that's the way it goes, sometimes.

From her perspective, how could she know you weren't just saying that? Some people would have no problem lying to get the bag.

Anyway, you left it behind and she found it and wanted it. It could easily have happened five minutes after you left the store the first time. That's life!