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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she ought to have let me have it?

835 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2021 11:21

On my way home from town yesterday I popped into a charity shop for a browse and they had a lovely baby changing bag. I wanted to buy it but didn’t have the arm space for any more stuff and the woman who ran the shop said they couldn’t keep it for me, so I came back into town this morning to get it.
The charity shop still has a utterly daft one way system so it’s really cramped and today I had the pram. Ahead of me was a woman whose Mum (I presume) was standing next to the bags with a pram while she looked at other stuff. In front of them was someone in a wheelchair so I stood and waited until they could move so I could pick the bag up.
The woman then walks back over to her Mum, spots the bag and picks it up. I said “Oh, I was going to get that, I’ve come back into town for it.”

Now in her position, what I’d have done was said on, here you go, and handed it over. However she just shrugged and said “oh, sorry.” And took it.

AIBU to think that’s a dick move and she should have let me have it?

OP posts:

Bostonbullsmumma · 11/10/2021 13:21

@AngeloMysterioso

What if you had got there first, picked it up, and someone said "Oh I was going to get that, I saw it yesterday" would you have handed it over?

Honestly, yes. I’m not a dick nice like that.

I think I would too!!

Flowerpower23 · 11/10/2021 13:21

Hahaha this thread is amazing. You are being so unreasonable. Did your parents never teach you that sometimes you don’t get what you want and to accept that graciously?

Looneytune253 · 11/10/2021 13:22

So, I'm guessing you REALLY like this bag right? So what if you got it today, picked it up and someone came up behind you and said they wanted it cos they seen it yesterday. I don't think you'd give it up, seeing as you had seen it, loved it and about to buy it.

Journeynotdestination · 11/10/2021 13:23

Lesson learned. If you see something you want to buy in a charity shop or anywhere else where there is just one item you buy it there & then. I’ve had people say the same thing to me in charity shops/markets and I don’t hand it over. How do I know they didn’t just tip up, see me with it & want it!

YABextremelyU and entitled

slashlover · 11/10/2021 13:24

First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo

So is, but I saw it first!

Ricekake · 11/10/2021 13:24

If be internally annoyed because its one of those things that is annoying but it's not like she snatched it out of your hand, or purposefully blocked your way, she picked it up as presumably they wanted it too and it was just unfortunate timing. I was in a charity shop a while back and found a toy I knew DS would love, the volunteer on the till held it for ages and wasn't scanning it through, she then said how much her grandchild wanted one of these and how it would be nice if I let her have it. I said well it was on the shelf so sorry but

TheKeatingFive · 11/10/2021 13:25

I actually think you shouldn't have said anything to her, she is under no obligation to give the bag to you, it's not even a question of being 'nice', as I don't think it was nice of you to ask.

Exactly. I'd never have asked the woman in a million years.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 11/10/2021 13:25

@AngeloMysterioso

Again, very stereotypical attitude of those with an entitlement complex.

Please explain what qualifies you to diagnose anyone with an entitlement complex.

As far as this thread is concerned, a pair of eyes.

As for a further PP's comment:

If you play by the imaginary rules and repeatedly claim to be extra polite and nice (e.g waiting your turn , strategic mentioning of the situation of the others in front of you such as her mum being older and the person in the wheelchair , I'm sure both of those are true but a genuinely decent person wouldn't have need to mention it ) then I am entitled to get what I want over other people.

The PP quoted above has this bang to rights. In fact, the insinuation that these people were taking up space in the shop - one woman with a pram (when you yourself had taken a pram in there) and particularly the wheelchair-user, who has no alternative but to take up space as she's bloody disabled - sit particularly badly with me. You were not being kind and polite and lovely by standing aside and waiting patiently until they'd completed their business: you were doing what every decent person would do. They had every right to be there 'taking up space' just as you were.

This, in particular, positively reeks of entitlement. Your attitude is awful.

TheUndoingProject · 11/10/2021 13:25

Jesus Christ why post on AIBU is actually all you want is for people to agree with you and tell you how horribly hard done to you are

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 11/10/2021 13:25

I never had a changing bag. Always found them a waste of money. When you’re finished with them, they don’t easily double up into bags useful for other things. Strap is made to go over lean handle, best for that and not for regular wearing. All the packets and pouches and zips have no use after bottles and nappies and wipes are done with. Print is normally ditsy.

I always used a regular waterproof backpack, put what I needed into ziploc bags. In fact, it was my old school backpack. I’m still using it now for weekend-away trips, 10 years after the nappy years finished!

RedToothBrush · 11/10/2021 13:27

A charity shop won't hold stuff for someone to come back for later if they haven't got the money, because I'm willing to bet loads of people would 'bagsy' the best stuff on a whim, but won't bother coming back for it either cos they see something better, never get the money for it or just simply forget.

In the meantime the charity shop isn't making money from the item when it come.

So thats why a first come, first served policy has to be used - and thats nothing to do with people being greedy or selfish. Indeed thats the best way for the charity shop to actually make the most money for its cause.

You simply missed the boat.

If you want to reserve something in a charity shop, your best bet is to 'hide' it away amongst all the other stuff in the hope no one else spots it!

What is amusing is the OP's reaction to being told they are BU though.

There are toys flying everywhere, because other people don't think things should be reserved in a charity shop.

Ultimately the beneficaries of charity shops are not customers. The OP might want to reflect on that before doing god seeking jesus weeping for humanity.

Keke94LND · 11/10/2021 13:27

YABU, have you ever been walking through a park or something, and you see a bench, and you think I want to sit on that bench, so you start walking towards the bench with the intention to sit on it, you get quite near it, but then someone else gets there first and sits on the bench (imagine it's a one seater bench)... would you say 'erm excuse me, I had the intention of sitting on this bench and was walking towards it, you should get up and let me sit on it' ... no, because that would be crazy.

Whilst it is annoying when stuff like this happens, you just gotta live with it!

Seemssounfair · 11/10/2021 13:27

So, if she had handled over the bag to you and the person behind you said, actually I saw it last week but couldn't get back in until today to buy it.....would you have given it to them?

You missed out on something due to your own decisions, no one else was at fault, no one else acted unreasonably. It is ok to be disappointed, even better to own your actions and learn from it. It is not ok to play the victim and try to attempt lay blame elsewhere.

shiningcuckoo · 11/10/2021 13:27

I once saw a Dracula cloak in a charity shop. Perfect for the dress up box in my classroom I thought, so I picked in up and put it over my arm. A woman came flying across the shop saying "I want to buy that". "Oh", I said, "I don't think there's another one". She stamped her foot at me and wanted to know what I thought she was going to do because she had a fancy dress party to go to that evening. This didn't endear her to me. The cloak ended up in my dressing up box.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 11/10/2021 13:28

First come first served so fuck you, is a bit of a twatty attitude imo

I agree, but it’s an attitude shared by the majority of people on this thread, apparently.

--------

It's not 'first come, first served' though, is it? Though that's exactly what the OP would like it to be. Her view is, 'I saw it first, so I should get it, and fuck the person who actually picked it up and paid for it.' And you're right, that's pretty twatty.

On top of which, neither of them were first. It's probable loads of people had seen the bag and considered it, but then not bought it, just as the OP did. If there'd been a third person there who said, "Actually, I saw it the day before yesterday," would the OP have passed it on? And what if there were a fourth person who had video of themselves looking at it three weeks ago?

And lastly, the OP only feels she has some rights to it because she was actually there when someone else bought it. If she'd been fifteen minutes later, she'd have just discovered it had been sold. What would be her AIBU thread then?

"AIBU to be upset that the Oxfam sold something I didn't buy the previous day?"

So, nah. Not a leg to stand on.

Jux · 11/10/2021 13:28

You could easily have asked the mum to pass you the bag. Why didn't you?

AllyBama · 11/10/2021 13:30

Ah my favourite kind of AIBU thread

OP: AIBU?
Resounding majority: yes, very entitled and rude in fact.
OP: well I never! How dare you all. This is what is wrong what society. I’m not wrong, you all are.
Cue the flounce.

So cliche but thanks for the read.

EmoIsntDead · 11/10/2021 13:32

Entitlement thy name is Angelo

IsabellesMissingSock · 11/10/2021 13:32

I don't think you're as nice as you think you are OP 🤣

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2021 13:33

You are not making any sense whatsoever op.

How is she a dick for buying a bag she got to first, but you wouldn't be a dick if you bought the bag you got to second?

Workinghardeveryday · 11/10/2021 13:34

But the woman said she would keep it her for snd she made a special trip for it!!!!

I would have definitely let you had it. Suppose I am polite

Cheekytea · 11/10/2021 13:35

If she was standing in the way then why not say excuse me ? Or squeeze through and leaving your buggy behind her ? If really wanted it you would of got it

ChristmasJumpers · 11/10/2021 13:35

Is it annoying that you missed out? Yes.
It's it someone else's problem if they pick something up to buy and you claim you saw it yesterday and you want it? No.

iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 11/10/2021 13:35

@Nietzschethehiker has it in one. You are so unbelievably entitled and, even worse, can’t see it. I’m so glad the other lady stood her ground and got the bag, not you.

QueenBee52 · 11/10/2021 13:36

what Charity shop was this.. it sounds busier than my local supermarket 😂

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