Am I being taken advantage of?

[OktoberFest]

DH and I both work full time. Have 2 DC who go to nursery. He isn’t happy at work and wants to go part-time (2.5 days) and spend the other 2.5 days doing hobbies/bits of his work that he enjoys (writing) with a view to getting a different job in due course. So DC would stay in nursery FT.

I have said that would be ok, but I would need would expect him to pick up a bit more of the childcare, some extra pick ups or drop offs and some more of the appointment for DC with special needs, particularly as I have my own business and his income being reduced is going to put more financial pressure on me.

He said IABU and he will do no more than 50% of child related things.

I want to me helpful, but that doesn’t feel right to me. I feel a bit like I’m being taken advantage of if I agree. AIBU?

Except when the mother works part time she doesn’t usually spent the ‘time off’ doing hobbies. So it is a little different.

Fuck no.

Lett him you also want to go part time and he will have to get an extra job to cover half the bills.

He sounds like a cheeky bastard and I wouldn't be supporting that. He would become very unattractive to me after this

Hes taking the piss. He either works ft or has the dcs on the days hes off.

He's a loser.

So its

Hey babe, I want to bum around doing my own thing half a week, pay considerably less than you for our expenses and do zero extra with the kids - they're still mainly your responsibility.

Erm, no. Tell you you can't afford childcare unless he's paying the same as at the moment so he pays less cos he's working less, the kids come out of nursery when he's not working.

if he wants to drop down his days then surely the FT childcare isn't needed? yeah sorry he won't be able to potter around though...but that's the reality, he does the drop off and they go in for maybe a couple of half days instead of full days when he's not at his job?

So he wants to

Drop down 2.5 days
Drop down his payments to a proportion amount
Not take on any childcare (thereby forcing your payments to go up)
Keep everything else as it is (what is the current housework split)

And has you questioning whether you should let him and accusing you of being unreasonable not

This would have me seriosuly questioning my relationship with such a selfish person

Nah I wouldn't let it happen. We would all like to work part time to sit around testing to write and being kept. I can see him giving up work completely to concentrate on his writing.

YANBU at all.
What is the current split of domestic and childcare responsibilities OP?
If it’s already 50/50 then how can he possibly think it’s fair that he suddenly gets 2.5 extra days of free time to pursue his hobbies, with you getting nothing in return other than the burden of funding his lifestyle.

@Quartz2208

So he wants to

Drop down 2.5 days
Drop down his payments to a proportion amount
Not take on any childcare (thereby forcing your payments to go up)
Keep everything else as it is (what is the current housework split)

And has you questioning whether you should let him and accusing you of being unreasonable not

This would have me seriosuly questioning my relationship with such a selfish person

This.

I wouldn’t be posting on MN about this, I would be having a serious conversation about our future with my husband. He is taking the piss massively but you seem to not mind that much??

Yes, you are being taken advantage of, that CF

Hum. Cheeky bastard. I earn many times my husbands salary, however when I said give up to look after the children he said 'hell no, I am not a ponce'. We paid child care when we were both working for a sense of respect. However we have always shared domestics. He does the shopping and laundry, I do the cooking and financials. We share the housework.
We

So he wants 2.5 days for his hobby? He's not willing to do extra house work or childcare. Nope don't let it happen.

Current childcare he would say is 50/50 but its actually more like 60/40 (with me doing the majority)

Unless he's J K Rowling giving up paid work to "write" is a flat no.

@OktoberFest

Current childcare he would say is 50/50 but its actually more like 60/40 (with me doing the majority)

Of course. It’s very unusual that men who say they are doing 50/ 50 with childcare, hw etc… actually do. They always overestimate how much they do (whilst women underestimate what they do - so I suspect your current arrangement is closer to 70/30….)

I'd probably laugh him out the door. Your absolutely right he is taking advantage.

A cock lodger by stealth. They appear at first to be the generous provider and then do an about turn later on.
Stand your ground he’s not gone part time yet and can’t if you keep saying that doesn’t work for the family unit.

@MyothercarisaCozyCoupe
I am not a sex worker (very rude comment). A ponce is actually an old fashioned word for a male sponger. My husband doesn't even know my full salary package. He is not interested. I don't have an issue with sex workers (not illegal and my best friend was one in the 1980s).

Tell him that if the 50-50 child care and housework arrangements stay then the amount he contributes to the household expenses stays the same - no reduction because he is earning less. He can’t have it both ways
I don’t actually think you should have to be supportive of this idea at all. If he is unhappy in his job, there are plenty of other options. One person being unhappy and wanting to make major changes should not result in huge pressures on the other person without all other options being explored first

[quote Beautybunny]@MyothercarisaCozyCoupe
I am not a sex worker (very rude comment). A ponce is actually an old fashioned word for a male sponger. My husband doesn't even know my full salary package. He is not interested. I don't have an issue with sex workers (not illegal and my best friend was one in the 1980s).[/quote]
Ponce is an old fashioned word for a pimp.

So he wants to reduce his hours so he can’t fuck about basically. While you remain being the actual adult. What a useless fucker.

Pimp? It was just a comment. Mumsnet aggressive nasty comment. Too much weekend wine or jealous I earn big bucks and have a nice husband? Put your claws away MyothercarisaCozyCoupe