To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

[cocavino]

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm???

He followed up with a text about what a great time he had.

I'm a bit put off.

@MrsSkylerWhite no, i am certain that his onward plans were real

[quote cocavino]@ThreeYearsPastBestByDate the hurry I guess is that I am becoming desperate for physical contact. I even got waxed!

Looks like I need to spend some more time sorting myself out. I am extremely confused by a man showing so little interest in me physically.[/quote]
I think this is very telling. You said you are both mid 40s. When you last dated in your mid 30s, you were probably used to having lots of men wanting sex on the first date. In my experience, things do change with age. There are plenty of men who want sex very quickly but they might not be the ones you find attractive

Chances are he is dating more than one person, maybe you should be keeping your options open too? There are plenty of guys out there who would move heaven and earth for a shag and not disappear before midnight but they might not necessarily be relationship material. The fact this guy messages you straight after a date to say he had a good time, talks about meeting up again and going to museums makes me think he’s looking for more than just sex and is trying to take things slow? though I could be totally wrong and he might be dating someone else and doesn’t want to be sleeping with 2 people at once, he could be keeping you as back up if the other one doesn’t work out? (Hopefully not the case).

Best thing is not to over think it, keep your options open, talk to other men online, even go on other dates until this guy can put in the effort.

This is really distasteful, how petulant you seem because he didn’t want to have sex.

What if he hasn’t had a plan at midnight, and had gone home? Would 18:45-23:00 still not have been long enough? That’s a perfectly reasonable 3rd date dinner & music duration. He didn’t owe you sex because you waxed 🙄

@Lovemusic33 I think this is probably right - including the theory about wanting not to get intimate with anyone too soon to keep options open. It is a perfectly rational approach.

Op re the sex you were expecting/wanting, how was that going to work? Eg whose house would you be going to? Was staying over discussed at any stage? Has there been any flirting/sexting and building up the anticipation? It sounds like it wasn’t on his agenda but was on yours.

@Cocomarine ffs i have repeatedly said it's not about the sex. I probably would not have done it. However, i think it's odd to cut things off abruptly, not to say anything about onward plans until the very end of the date, and to give a quick peck after having kissed a lot more following date 2.

This is a aibu to elicit comments. The criticism is not fair or necessary.

@Tellmeee there was no discussion about sex. I was hoping for physical contact, i waxed just in case to avoid potential embarrassment. It was on my 'maybe' list but realistically it would have been logistically difficult anyway.

@thenewduchessofhastings

Sounds like he had a booty call at midnight.

Absolutely this.

cocavino

@MrsSkylerWhite no, i am certain that his onward plans were real“

Caring responsibilities are only too real!

That said, just read that he’s suggesting meeting in the daytime. Married?

I definitely want sex, which he apparently also isn't offering...

You seem to be back tracking hard.

This wouldn’t put me off, esp if he was into clubbing. I think you’re overthinking.

Perhaps you came across as a bit desperate.

@Bluntness100 i meant generally. That was a quote taken out of context. I believe the broader post said that I am put off by his abrupt leaving and way of handling it (meaning maybe he's not right for a relationship but i was interested in views on whether it was objectively rude) so he would not be worth bothering with further as he also isn't offering sex.

I think you are trolling and intentionally being critical though, so I will ignore further insults

It’s quite unusual for most people to have plans at midnight so it would have been polite for him to mention up front. Charitably, maybe he thought doing this would look like he expected sex? ‘Let’s not Dj Friday because I can’t stay all night (for sex)’ but tbh he could have given you lots of lingering kisses at the station and cheekily commented that he was gutted to have plans etc etc- sounds like the chemistry isn’t really there for him.

I think this speaks well of him, rather than badly. Rounded life, respectful of friends, not just focused on getting his end away, not expecting sex just because of some 2nd date kissing, good manners in text messages, looking forward to a future date. Unless you're primarily after a quick shag, he has potential.

@houseonthehill I can see this is a possibility, especially in combination with the other poster's point about it seeming presumptuous to tell me in advance that he is busy at midnight.

The clubbing in and of itself may be problematic as it doesn't exactly fit into my lifestyle.

It's difficult not to get a bit down about my relationship and life situation. I am a single mum and can only meet up twice a month really.

Op giving an answer you do not like is neither trolling or insulting, and plenty of others are saying the same thing.

He did nothing wrong here. Maybe you’re just highly sensitive.

I think you need to take a huge step back @cocavino and think about what you want (as you have said in one of your posts.)

It's 100% fine for someone to move onto another event after a date BUT I suspect he may not have had anything to go to, and simply wanted to end the date with you.

I also suspect you came over as needy and wanting sex.
There are actually some (decent?) men who don't jump at sex if they feel the woman isn't their type.

It's possible he was letting you down gently, saying he had a great time.

Time will tell if he contacts you again, but as they say here, give your head a jolly good wobble and stop expecting sex as a given after a couple of snogs.

Men have feelings too that are just as valid as yours.

It's difficult not to get a bit down about my relationship and life situation. I am a single mum and can only meet up twice a month really

You will come across as desperate.
These men / dates are not there to rescue you from your singledom or lack of sex, in a timescale you dictate. Have a little more respect for them.

*BoPeeple

thenewduchessofhastings

Sounds like he had a booty call at midnight.

Absolutely this.*

I did think maybe this and he is dating more than you. Which is rude.

Or the Boxing?

[quote cocavino]**@Bluntness100 i meant generally. That was a quote taken out of context. I believe the broader post said that I am put off by his abrupt leaving and way of handling it (meaning maybe he's not right for a relationship but i was interested in views on whether it was objectively rude) so he would not be worth bothering with further as he also isn't offering sex.

I think you are trolling and intentionally being critical though, so I will ignore further insults[/quote]
I don't see how @Bluntness100 is being rude. You come across as though you expected sex, even mentioning you got waxed for it. Now you're saying you didn't as quite rightly people have criticised you for having an expectation of sex from a date.
You may not agree with everyone's opinions on this but you did ask.

I am pretty sure that I didn't come off as desperate. I was just having fun and I am not at all flirty or touchy feely. But I could be wrong 🤷‍♀️

@JustLyra

If a guy had made it plain he expected to have sex on date 3 because there was kissing on date 2 and got huffy because the woman brought a date to an end at 11pm the replies on here would be very different.

Absolutely. This guy doesn't owe you sex OP.

mentioning it beforehand would have been nice, bit on the whole I cant see that he has done anything wrong