Page 24 | To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

cocavino · 2021-10-09T22:32:05+00:00

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm??? He followed up with a text about what a great time he had. I'm a bit put off.

Dreamstate · 11/10/2021 11:26

Wtf is wrong with people. He said he had a leaving do to go it it so happens the guys leaving do is a clubbing one because that's what they are into.

Why are people so determined to say he was making some other excuse.

Is it really that hard to comprehend people of all ages go clubbing!!??

I'm 39 i went to an all night rave started at 9pm and ended 5am and what? If I had a date I'd have been like sorry got to go for a rave at 9pm now

And yeah thsts my lifestyle I wont stop until I physically can't go and if someone I dated didn't like that then they aren't right for me.

OP your hard work. You basically said your not touchy feely and he judt gave you a peck on the cheek, you could of made a move and gone for more but you didn't.

Then one minute you saying you wanted sex then you backtrack and say it wasn't about sex.

Then you don't even respond to his texts like a petulant child over a non issue 🙄

I mean the guy was planning a fourth date with you asking about doing something in the daytime and your turning round saying he isn't interested in you...then why would he do that?

You expect him to do everything and change for you..fuck that I hope he runs a mile, he deserves better than you.

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 11:26

OP after your recent updates, it is clear to me anyway that you are not ready for this kind of dating.

You are far too emotionally fragile and your perspective of what is 'rude' or bad behaviour is skewed.

I think he ought to have mentioned that he had another event on later in the evening. BUT I don't think it's the massive deal you make out.

He did give you 5 hours of his time.

You don't seem to be able to see that you are reacting this way as someone did something that messed up the plan in your head.
Your plan to progress to sex.

You were hoping to move things on and he wasn't on the night.

I am sure that he's picked up on your huffy behaviour- not telling him you were safely back home.

Leaving someone worrying you might be NOT home safely is far worse than leaving a date at 11pm to go to some pre-arranged, IMO.

I think you need to step back from men and make new friendships of men and women, get your self esteem and confidence sorted, keep going to your therapist, and wait until someone comes along through a hobby or a group, rather than doing OLD.

Dreamstate · 11/10/2021 11:27

On and BTW OP i only had 3hrs sleep after my all night rave and was up and about at 9am the next day doing stuff...so its not always the case that he will be sleeping all day the next day.

Dreamstate · 11/10/2021 11:30

@5catsonthedesk

Very few men in their 40s are regular clubbers, let’s be honest.

Nor would they approach a date like this.

You would be surprised there are plenty of them

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 11:32

Can people stop telling the OP she is ‘ emotionally fragile’ or ‘needs’ to talk to her therapist.’ This is beyond ridiculous.

What is ‘emotionally fragile’ is the lengths some women will go to excuse poor / disinterested behaviour in men. It’s actually shocking me now. I can’t believe what I’m reading in some if these posts.

MsHedgehog · 11/10/2021 11:33

How did the date actually end? You suggested staying for another show and he said he had plans. Does that mean the show you had plans for ended and you wanted to prolong the date?

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 11:34

Standards seem so low for some people that they’re literally underground.

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 11:37

I am wondering if some posts on here are actually from misogynistic men - incels or whatever they call themselves these days. It’s all too strange.

MsHedgehog · 11/10/2021 11:38

@5catsonthedesk

Can people stop telling the OP she is ‘ emotionally fragile’ or ‘needs’ to talk to her therapist.’ This is beyond ridiculous.

What is ‘emotionally fragile’ is the lengths some women will go to excuse poor / disinterested behaviour in men. It’s actually shocking me now. I can’t believe what I’m reading in some if these posts.

I don’t think you realise how damaging your own posts are for the OP. What is telling is your inability to respond to legitimate responses to your posts, yet you continue with this agenda to either criticise men or suggest that women who think he did nothing wrong are somehow asking to be in neglectful relationships.

MsHedgehog · 11/10/2021 11:38

@5catsonthedesk

I am wondering if some posts on here are actually from misogynistic men - incels or whatever they call themselves these days. It’s all too strange.

Ah, that classic line. You should be ashamed of yourself.

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 11:39

@5catsonthedesk

I am wondering if some posts on here are actually from misogynistic men - incels or whatever they call themselves these days. It’s all too strange.

Please stop.

You are not helping and almost everyone here disagrees with you.

I am wondering if you are actually the OP.

As a PP says, you are spouting the same stuff in each post BUT NOT ENGAGING WITH ANY LOGIC TO POINTS PEOPLE ASK YOU.

livealittlemore · 11/10/2021 11:41

OP it could be that you are reading too much into this whole situation because of the state of mind you are in right now and are projecting your insecurities onto his behaviour? It’s probably entirely innocent “I completely forgot to mention about my plan at midnight earlier” as men do tend to communicate less. Focus on the positives- you had a nice time with him. He would have probably left earlier and not spent over 4 hours if he was not into you and he also sent a message afterwards to say he had an amazing time. I honestly don’t get anything from your posts that suggests he is not interested in anyway… don’t feel deflated, it has nothing to do with you. It was only your 3rd date and may be he doesn’t want to rush you…I’d say if you like him & enjoy his company, give it some more time. Go out on a few more dates and after that if you still feel he is not showing interest, you can end it then.
I know when you anticipate something badly, especially after a long time, it can be very disappointing when it doesn't happen, but it’s the frustration from that disappointment that is making you put all these negative thoughts into such a small thing. Don’t let this one single disappointment ruin your chance at something potentially good.

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 11:42

@5catsonthedesk

Can people stop telling the OP she is ‘ emotionally fragile’ or ‘needs’ to talk to her therapist.’ This is beyond ridiculous.

What is ‘emotionally fragile’ is the lengths some women will go to excuse poor / disinterested behaviour in men. It’s actually shocking me now. I can’t believe what I’m reading in some if these posts.

maybe you ought to RTFT

The Op is already having therapy. Did you miss that bit?

You show zero emotional intelligence yourself.

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 11:44

How am so the OP when she’s on here herself?

Yes I did read she’s having therapy which is exactly why people shouldn’t be telling her she is emotionally fragile and to discuss her attitudes to dating with this therapist.

BadNomad · 11/10/2021 11:47

Talking to the therapist makes more sense than asking lunatics on MN.

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 11:49

@5catsonthedesk

How am so the OP when she’s on here herself?

Yes I did read she’s having therapy which is exactly why people shouldn’t be telling her she is emotionally fragile and to discuss her attitudes to dating with this therapist.

Logic is not your strong point is it?

Unless 2 posters post simultaneously, then it is possible to name change!

So you know she is having therapy.
Yet- wait for it!- posters are wrong to tell her she ought to carry on with it.

And someone who is out of an abusive relationship and feels terrible, worthless, etc etc as she has said here, is NOT emotionally fragile, according to you?

I don't know how you can carry on posting the stuff you do.

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 11:50

Well are people on here actually men? All the comments about ‘you just wanted a shag’ are horrible, frankly. I can’t imagine women who would keep bs gong in about this to undermine the OP and try to convince her she is wrong.

She is not wrong. She was there. She got the vibes. She sensed things had changed since the previous date. She is 100% entitled to her own feelings. These are valid. She is entitled to her own boundaries in terms of what she is prepared to put up with. She doesn’t need to be made to feel bad or in the wrong. It’s as simple as that.

TheFoundations · 11/10/2021 11:52

@5catsonthedesk

How am so the OP when she’s on here herself?

Yes I did read she’s having therapy which is exactly why people shouldn’t be telling her she is emotionally fragile and to discuss her attitudes to dating with this therapist.

So, OP has an issue with someone she's dating, many people have suggested that she's having an unusual reaction, and your advice is not to suggest she speaks to her therapist?

Your comments are becoming incoherent.

What would you think if they'd met for a lunch date, and he'd said goodbye to go and meet friends for dinner? I think you might be avoiding this question because you can't answer it.

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 11:52

It’s not helpful to tell someone in therapy they are ‘emotionally fragile.’ Her therapy is nobody’s business.

If you think I am the OP, contact MN.

BadNomad · 11/10/2021 11:54

People aren't telling the OP she is wrong. They're saying he is not wrong either. Neither was wrong. They just had different expectations for the night. She was disappointed hers weren't met and chose to be passive aggressive with texts.

slashlover · 11/10/2021 11:55

Well are people on here actually men? All the comments about ‘you just wanted a shag’ are horrible, frankly. I can’t imagine women who would keep bs gong in about this to undermine the OP and try to convince her she is wrong.

OP made it pretty clear before she started backtacking.

It's not so much that my ego is bruised that i haven't had sex in a number of years?

I think I may just want a casual fling after a terrible few years. I want to feel attractive.

He probably wouldn't make a wonderful boyfriend, and I definitely want sex, which he apparently also isn't offering...

I'm honestly not sure of his motives. This seems to make it clear that it's not about sex, though! That's for sure.

i am also uncertain of my motives. I suppose there is nothing stopping me from dating other people who want to have sex with me. I haven't been single in about 10 years and I don't love dating.

the hurry I guess is that I am becoming desperate for physical contact. I even got waxed!

TatianaBis · 11/10/2021 11:57

She is not wrong. She was there. She got the vibes. She sensed things had changed since the previous date. She is 100% entitled to her own feelings. These are valid. She is entitled to her own boundaries in terms of what she is prepared to put up with. She doesn’t need to be made to feel bad or in the wrong. It’s as simple as that.

That’s not what she said. She didn’t say she went on a date, the vibes had changed, he’d lost interest so she’s pulling the plug. You’re simply reading stuff in that’s not there.

She said she was into him and wanted to have sex until he went off to meet some friends. Now she’s massively overreacted and is questioning her self worth. After the third date. She barely knows the man. He has no idea her entire self esteem is resting on him.

Dreamstate · 11/10/2021 11:58

@cocavino

I actually have admitted to having a bruised ego: (though separately I want to feel that I am attractive and my ego is slightly bruised from his apparent lack of interest in me physically)

I'm aware of the risk of overcorrecting.

A lot of things have been going really wrong in my life lately and I am struggling to cope. I have not meant to suggest that I am perfect or anything.

I do still fundamentally think it's a bit weird and rude of this guy intentionally to plan something at midnight after this date and not communicate it in advance. I think it's perfectly natural that this caused me to feel deflated. I don't think it makes him a bad person, but it suggests that he may be emotionally tone deaf and/or that he's not that into me.

I don't think not being into me is a crime, but that's also disappointing. I feel utterly worthless right now and I don't necessarily need to carry on seeing someone who is not that bothered.

Seriously give yourself a talking too!

You say you are only free twice a month for dating, so your already placing restrictions on when a person cns see you.

That leaving do was planned in advance and happens to fall on one the days your available to date.

Do you seriously expect him to have no life and be available at your beck and call when your free? That he should of cancelled his plans for you? A person he is only met twice and is interested in but still super early stages.

No way would I ever cancel my plans with someone I knew longer than a guy I knew for 2 dates.

Your expectation is completely unreasonable, he has a life and unfortunately will fill it with things to do and since you can only do 2 days a month then being as intelligent as you say you are it should occur to you that there is going to be alot of times there are other plans that will clash.

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 11:58

@5catsonthedesk

It’s not helpful to tell someone in therapy they are ‘emotionally fragile.’ Her therapy is nobody’s business.

If you think I am the OP, contact MN.

It’s not helpful to tell someone in therapy they are ‘emotionally fragile. Her therapy is nobody’s business.

In YOUR opinion.

You are not always right, even though you keep insisting you are.
Saying the same thing over and over does not make it any more right than saying it once.

If you read the words she writes to describe herself, they show she is emotionally fragile.

If her therapy is no one's business, why did she post that on the worldwide web?

TheFoundations · 11/10/2021 11:58

@5catsonthedesk

It’s not helpful to tell someone in therapy they are ‘emotionally fragile.’ Her therapy is nobody’s business.

If you think I am the OP, contact MN.

You seem to know all the rules. Where did you read them?

Or are they just your own personal opinions?

OP has told us she is in therapy, so she's clearly ok with it being mentioned on the thread. If somebody is in therapy, and they talk about an issue, it can be quite helpful sometimes, to say 'This might be a symptom of the emotional fragility for which you are seeking therapy'.

Stop stating your views as if they are fact. They aren't.