To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

[cocavino]

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm???

He followed up with a text about what a great time he had.

I'm a bit put off.

"As the date treated her like that, it was because the date had no romantic interest in her and/or lacked basic social skills and manners."

The OP herself had something else to go onto on their first date, so does she lack basic social skills too?

leave me feeling not like someone he might have a potential romantic interest in, but more like just one in a string of social engagements that night.

In London you are always just one in a string of other people's social engagements (as are they for you). "Got to go now, got something else to attend now" is the norm.

God this entire scenario is so utterly commonplace - I've done it to men, had it done to me, I'd guess the same for most of my friends. A third date is absolutely something you slot around your other commitments.

I've dated in London for years and this would still strike me as odd, the abrupt exit at that time and the quick peck. Obv he's not obliged to do anything physically but it would all feel like a backtrack from the previous date.

In London you are always just one in a string of other people's social engagements (as are they for you). "Got to go now, got something else to attend now" is the norm.

Rubbish.

‘Well according to some folks on here you go on a date ladies at seven and want to end it at 11 and not snog the guy again or shag him that night thn you’re well out of line.

You OWE him

Oh wait is it just blokes that owe women.’

Nobody owes anyone anything . How odd. However, if I was going on a date (especially if the previous one went in into the early hours), I would probably mention if I also had other plans on that night so would need to leave at a certain time, This is just manners. How hard can it be?

If I was on a date and he asked me to stay for the next performance or whatever but I had realised I wasn’t feeling it - that is when I might (in theory) suddenly announce I just remembered I actually needed to be elsewhere. He might well interpret this as an excuse - and if he did, he wouldn’t be wrong.

‘ A third date is absolutely something you slot around your other commitments.‘

If a man doesn’t feel the need to make an effort initially - when do you think it’s likely to happen then?

Answer = NEVER

Whilst I don't think he didn't anything wrong as such, I can totally understand your confusion. I am in my 40s and don't end Saturday evenings out at 11. Your last date had gone later and involved a little physicality...He doesn't owe you anything, but I would've thought he would've told you before the date that he has to be elsewhere at a certain time. In short: if he seemed great and you're interested, I would give it another date or two and see how it goes. If it all felt a bit "off" anyway, obviously - forget about it and move on.

@5catsonthedesk

‘ A third date is absolutely something you slot around your other commitments.‘

If a man doesn’t feel the need to make an effort initially - when do you think it’s likely to happen then?

Answer = NEVER

He made all the effort a person should be expected to make on a date, including attending the date, doing all the things on the date he said he would, spending several hours together, saying goodbye politely with a kiss, texting afterwards to check she was safely home, and telling her he'd had a good time.

Nobody is expected to make an effort to continue a date after that. If this was the other way round, should he have expected OP to make the effort to spend more time with him, and demonstrate her physical attraction to him? It's so sleazy to expect that sort of effort.

@Gwenhwyfar

"As the date treated her like that, it was because the date had no romantic interest in her and/or lacked basic social skills and manners."

The OP herself had something else to go onto on their first date, so does she lack basic social skills too?

Indeed.

Also be interested to know if it's acceptable to everyone defending the OP's manners if it would also be acceptable to them if he was huffy about the OP bringing the date to an end at a time he wasn't happy with so he didn't reply to her text (or text to say he was home if she'd asked) until after 10am the next day?

Oh my god. Stop please! The guy’s not interested. It happens. It’s happened here. It’s obvious. Move on already.

@5catsonthedesk

Oh my god. Stop please! The guy’s not interested. It happens. It’s happened here. It’s obvious. Move on already.

You do realise that your opinion is just that, right? Other people, clearly, have different opinions.

You don't get to decide when other people stop discussing a thread. If you want to stop posting then do so, doesn't mean everyone else has to toe the line you've set.

Fair enough Lyra. But please tell me, what is the actual point in initiating further contact with this man?

As he had cooled off on the third date to the point he was no longer trying to snog her - do you honestly think another date is going to change this state if affairs?

What is the aim here?

@5catsonthedesk

Fair enough Lyra. But please tell me, what is the actual point in initiating further contact with this man?

As he had cooled off on the third date to the point he was no longer trying to snog her - do you honestly think another date is going to change this state if affairs?

What is the aim here?

The guy clearly wanted another date. He tried to arrange it with the OP at the station. He then asked her to message him when she got home. Then without waiting for that he messaged her to tell her how much he'd enjoyed it and that he wanted to meet again.

I'd be surprised if he's interested now because of the complete lack of manners the OP showed by ignoring his messages until the morning.

Just because the guy didn't stick his tongue down her throat - and the OP clearly didn't instigate that either so they're equally responsible for that - doesn't mean he's not interested.

This thread is really really weird. A lot of people have very unrealistic expectations about dating. There are even posters claiming it’s rude he didn’t walk her home?! Seriously!

People are acting like he suddenly announced he’s off for the night and left OP alone. I suspect they went to a venue that closes at 11pm, hence why he expected the date to end at 11pm. OP thought after the make out session last time, the date would carry on and lead to sex. Is it really the end of the world that he had other plans?

And I’m sorry OP, but no one has an entitlement to sex. Imagine if this was reversed.

And those posters claiming it’s odd for 40 year old men to go clubbing clearly haven’t seen the London nightlife!

If a man is snogging you on one date, then nothing at all in the next - would you even remotely pick up on this screaming klaxon of a clue? Or you just think, “Oh totally normal and he owes me nothing after all. Yes, I’ll definitely be pressing for another date with this one., He’s bound to jump at the chance... ‘

@5catsonthedesk

If a man is snogging you on one date, then nothing at all in the next - would you even remotely pick up on this screaming klaxon of a clue? Or you just think, “Oh totally normal and he owes me nothing after all. Yes, I’ll definitely be pressing for another date with this one., He’s bound to jump at the chance... ‘

Or maybe we look at the whole picture? The suggestions of further dates, asking she texts when she gets home, and texting himself to say he enjoyed the date. I would say that’s more telling than him not having sex!

@5catsonthedesk are you the OP what has name changed? You seem really passionate about a particular view of the intentions of thoughts of a stranger described in 30 words???

Or maybe their last date was somewhere more suitable for a long snogging sesh. You don't know anything based on what the OP has said.

I’m not talking about sex! I was talking about snogging (or the sudden lack of it).

Anyone will say blah blah I had a lovely evening blah blah let’s do it again blah blah text me when you get home blah blah blah. That’s just polite chit chat and I’m not suggesting he had an unpleasant evening. But I would read no more into his words than that. Actions speak louder than words. If a men is interested - you will know.

No I’m not the OP. Just waiting up for the cat and chatting.

I have some kind of virus, I think, as do the kids, so lying low today and my husband is away on business.

Eh? Are you saying you can only show interest by touching someone? Because no. He went on a third date with her. Surely that shows he was interested even if you think his words meant nothing.

@5catsonthedesk So trying to arrange a fourth date isn’t the man showing interest?

And genuinely, what do you mean if a man is interested you will know? A third date, showing interest during and after the date and proposing another date should surely show that. It doesn’t need to be physical.

@5catsonthedesk aha! I can sort of relate to that.

For someone who is into clubbing, having plans at midnight is very normal. I don't know of many nightclubs that are open midday! If it annoys you, you're clearly incompatible.