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Original poster

To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

765 replies

cocavino · 09/10/2021 23:32

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm???

He followed up with a text about what a great time he had.

I'm a bit put off.

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 10/10/2021 16:24

@5catsonthedesk

What did he tell her at the station?

Saying, “Enjoy your Sunday,” is hardly the same thing as, “I really enjoyed last night. So sorry it had to end when it did. I’d like to take you out for dinner soon. Please let me know when you’re free.” Slight difference.

It's different, but it's no less polite. And it's considerable less simpering.
slashlover · 10/10/2021 16:36

@JustLyra

It was bizarre from the second people pretended it was acceptable for the OP to be huffy and ignore her date because she didn’t get sex when she’d decided she wanted it.

If she had a penis she’d have been slaughtered.

It’s even funnier that people think the guy should still be the one pushing for another date.

There was a post during the week where the OP had a ONS with a guy, text him for another meetup and he was slaughtered because he didn't reply until the next day
SleepingBunnies21 · 10/10/2021 16:43

If OP hadn't wanted sex, his actions were exemplary

It absolutely was not.

His behaviour in not letting her know shead of time that he was going on elsewhere on his own avd ending the date around 11 was the very opposite of exemplary. I wouldn't behave like that to anyone, from.friebd to date. With date it's even shittier because there is a reasonable expectation you may may going home together.

anon12345678901 · 10/10/2021 16:43

@JustLyra

It was bizarre from the second people pretended it was acceptable for the OP to be huffy and ignore her date because she didn’t get sex when she’d decided she wanted it.

If she had a penis she’d have been slaughtered.

It’s even funnier that people think the guy should still be the one pushing for another date.

Completely. But some posters on here don't want to admit they have double standards.
TheFoundations · 10/10/2021 16:55

@SleepingBunnies21

If OP hadn't wanted sex, his actions were exemplary

It absolutely was not.

His behaviour in not letting her know shead of time that he was going on elsewhere on his own avd ending the date around 11 was the very opposite of exemplary. I wouldn't behave like that to anyone, from.friebd to date. With date it's even shittier because there is a reasonable expectation you may may going home together.

There's no rule about having to tell your date what you're doing after the date. The expectation of sex is individual. It's just as reasonable not to expect it as it is to expect it.

How you would behave isn't the point; this isn't about you.

The point is, he ended the date at 11pm, and OP didn't like it. That doesn't mean he did wrong.

CandidClarisse · 10/10/2021 17:13

I think he should have told you before arranging the date that he had his friends leaving do that same night (he must have known this) and given you the option that he could either, see you for a few hours until 11ish or maybe arrange with you for another time.

I think if I'd have been on that date and he suddenly said "oh, I've got to go now" and given me a quick peck and walked off, I would probably assume he was not that into me really. The "did you get home ok?" Text is just being polite as he might have noticed he'd upset you or that you were not that impressed as his abrupt departure.

It all depends what you want or need op. If you really like him and think there's something there, I'd go on another date and see what the spark is like, he might even say he was gutted about cutting the last date short etc. If you aren't getting your needs met and expect things to move faster or somebody who seems more into you, then move on to the next one.

Againstmachine · 10/10/2021 17:21

He was watching boxing trust me

Dreamsupreme · 10/10/2021 17:25

Going clubbing in your 40s (if a regular thing) sounds a bit sad tbh!

Dreamsupreme · 10/10/2021 17:28

Also, I tended not to let dates drag on, isn’t it better to have a few hours together and then go separate ways ? You’re both left wanting more too. I wouldn’t ever have expected a date to go on past 11. Don’t know that’s just me I guess

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2021 17:33

It’s absolutely shocking how entitled some posters feel to a mans time and attention. It’s deeply disturbing that they feel if a man takes them on a date, snogs them previously then they are entitled to sex and for the date to end only when they say it should end. That the man has no rights, he is simply their to do their bidding.

NotresDames · 10/10/2021 17:40

Enjoy your Sunday’ is a the very bland type of thing you say when you are trying to get out of something politely.

@5catsonthedesk Considering she didn't even tell him she was home safely, it's perfectly ok thing for him to say.

If he was trying (?) to get out of something he'd not reply.

There is also nothing for him to get out of!

They have had 3 dates.

He's not in a relationship.

TheFoundations · 10/10/2021 17:43

@Dreamsupreme

Going clubbing in your 40s (if a regular thing) sounds a bit sad tbh!
Only according to some people's standards, which are not universal.

There are no rules regarding his behaviour or OP's response (as long as nobody breaks any laws) It's all down to preference.

NotresDames · 10/10/2021 17:44

@Bluntness100

It’s absolutely shocking how entitled some posters feel to a mans time and attention. It’s deeply disturbing that they feel if a man takes them on a date, snogs them previously then they are entitled to sex and for the date to end only when they say it should end. That the man has no rights, he is simply their to do their bidding.
I've tended to agree with your posts in the main @Bluntness100, but I think you are doing a bit of a Daily Fail OTT here.

Absolutely shocking and deeply disturbing, no rights, do their bidding

Bit too much hyperbole maybe?

I think most reasonable people would say
-He was rude and thoughtless not to say upfront that he had another event at midnight.
-The OP was a bit ahead of herself to have a wax (not sure what or where) assuming sex was on the menu.
-She didn't cover herself in glory by being huffy and not telling him she was safely home.

SleepingBunnies21 · 10/10/2021 17:48

There's no rule about having to tell your date what you're doing after the date

It is however basic good manners to tell your date what time you are ending it, if that differs from reasonable expectations. Which this date did.

JustLyra · 10/10/2021 17:50

@SleepingBunnies21

There's no rule about having to tell your date what you're doing after the date

It is however basic good manners to tell your date what time you are ending it, if that differs from reasonable expectations. Which this date did.

They made a plan to go for dinner and see some music. He did that. He didn’t cut the evening short or change the plans - he just declined going on to see something else.
TheFoundations · 10/10/2021 17:55

@SleepingBunnies21

There's no rule about having to tell your date what you're doing after the date

It is however basic good manners to tell your date what time you are ending it, if that differs from reasonable expectations. Which this date did.

It's not reasonable to assume that a 3rd date will end in sex/spending the night together, regardless of what's gone before. Every relationship has different expectations, and this relationship is too new to have developed any. OP has jumped the gun, and is blaming her date for expecting something that she ought only have hoped for.
5catsonthedesk · 10/10/2021 18:11

Oh my god. The OP wax hardly expecting sex as a right. I can’t believe how disingenuous some people are in here.

All that happened was, the previous date had ended at 2am after a lot of snogging. She wasn’t expecting sex, but she thought, in the circumstances, she couldn’t rule it out as a possibility. She had a wax in case - so what?

She has herself said that she probably wouldn’t have gone through with it anyway. She has explained this multiple times, yet some people are just being belligerent and refusing to hear this.

Of course you would be Hmm if a man cut a date short with no prior warning. Christ on a bike! Expecting him to have dedicated the evening to you is not the same as expecting sex or being entitled fgs!

All this - ‘the man has no rights and must do her bidding.’ Absolute nonsense. I do wonder how some people get through life.

TheFoundations · 10/10/2021 18:23

she couldn’t rule it out as a possibility. She had a wax in case - so what

So, her whole post is about how she's 'put off' that she didn't get something that you're saying she couldn't rule out as a possibility. Can you see where you're going wrong?

People not seeing it the way you do aren't disingenuous. They can just see that what you're saying doesn't make sense.

DoYouLikeOwls · 10/10/2021 18:23

@Dreamsupreme

Going clubbing in your 40s (if a regular thing) sounds a bit sad tbh!
I thought that too. Also reading SAD in an Alan Partridge voice.
5catsonthedesk · 10/10/2021 18:34

She’s not ‘put out’ about the lack of sex! How crude (and odd) to keep going on about this when she has explained her feelings several times.

She had just presumed the date would be more open-ended - based on the previous date. Hardly unreasonable. Anyone would think that.

If that’s now ‘entitled’ there is no hope for women, frankly. Is this is how low the bar is now? Seriously?

Porcupineintherough · 10/10/2021 18:38

@5catsonthedesk how low is the bar if a person cant end a date when they want to? The OP may have hoped a third date would lead to more but hope is all it was, no commitment was implied by kissing.

TheFoundations · 10/10/2021 18:44

@5catsonthedesk

She’s not ‘put out’ about the lack of sex! How crude (and odd) to keep going on about this when she has explained her feelings several times.

She had just presumed the date would be more open-ended - based on the previous date. Hardly unreasonable. Anyone would think that.

If that’s now ‘entitled’ there is no hope for women, frankly. Is this is how low the bar is now? Seriously?

'Anyone would think that' is where you're going wrong here. Your point is a valid explanation of how some people would feel. Not everyone. Speak for yourself. There are plenty who agree with you on the thread, and there are plenty who don't.

OP has expected something that some people would expect, and some people wouldn't. You are arguing as if you are right and those who are disagreeing with you are wrong, or disingenuous.

He was neither right nor wrong. OP was neither right nor wrong. But they differed in opinion.

NotresDames · 10/10/2021 19:02

@5catsonthedesk There is this little saying' When in a hole...'

This is the OP's 3rd post .

It's not so much that my ego is bruised that i haven't had sex in a number of years?

Maybe read what the OP writes, not what you think she meant.

VenusTiger · 10/10/2021 19:10

@TheChip

He had plans at midnight so ended the date at 12pm? Leaving him with hours to prepare for his plans? Or do you mean he had plans for midnight, so ended the date at midnight? Which means his plans couldn't have been for midnight, otherwise he would have left before midnight
OP meant 12AM not 12pm
VenusTiger · 10/10/2021 19:19

@JustLyra

If a guy had made it plain he expected to have sex on date 3 because there was kissing on date 2 and got huffy because the woman brought a date to an end at 11pm the replies on here would be very different.
Yep - this is why MN is going slowly downhill recently. Double standards.

I must confess, I'd be annoyed too - not necessarily the sex thing, but the unknown - I like spontaneity and that would simply put me off him altogether.

It sounds to me like OP was expecting xyz (maybe she spent hours getting ready/prepping bedroom/tidying up etc.) and when she got given the cold shoulder, unannounced, she got the huff about it.

Fair enough - OP, sling him.