To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

[cocavino]

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm???

He followed up with a text about what a great time he had.

I'm a bit put off.

@Justme10 my ex was emotionally abusive and I am extremely concerned about red flags/not getting hurt again. I will probably be very jumpy about any man for quite a while

[quote cocavino]@5catsonthedesk he texted to say what an amazing time he had and to let him know when i got home.

He also asked about my further availability when he dropped me at the station.

I have not responded to his texts.[/quote]
It’s pretty rude on your part not even to let him know you were home.

You planned a date. At a late evening point you suggested extending the date and he declined because he had other plans. That’s not remotely rude on his part. Even if he’s declined because he didn’t want to that’s not rude.

Like I said last night - if a bloke came on here sulking like you are they’d get their arse handed to them on a plate.

I can’t believe you haven’t even text him to let him know you got home. That’s extremely petty and childish.

Sorry if I missed it, but did you text him to say you got home safely? Has he replied to that?

I would give him another chance. I don’t think he handled it brilliantly, but I don’t think he did anything too wrong.

Likewise I would have felt a bit deflated. Though, and this is me personally, if I went on another date I would probably say I felt a bit deflated that he left it to the last minute to tell me.

But yes, for sure I would give him another go…

[quote cocavino]@Coffeetree he told me when I suggested catching another music act at the place where we were[/quote]
Holy shit, what a slap in the face.

He's either married or gay or both. Block him. That's fucked up.

Sorry cross post.

What? So you anything could have happened to you for all he knows?

Ok, sorry I missed that post about where he was off to. (I thought you were doubting it.)

Look, you appear to have a lot of baggage still to deal with OP. maybe you are not quite ready for dating yet? Can you meet men through your hobbies or work or sport etc?

I think it was rude of him not to tell you about his plans at the start.

I also think you had too high expectation - sex- whether he had another event to go to or not.

As posters have said, if you were a man who said they had washed their willy beforehand as they were expecting sex...how would that come over?

Have some respect for the men you date.

If you like him, give it another chance. If you don't like him or feel this behaviour was wrong, drop him.

I have now responded to the text! I was just so put off that I didn't have much of anything to say. My response now is nice but lukewarm.

Don't be gaslit, you know it's a dis.

Why havent you responded to his texts? I think that is really rude to just ghost someone who spent 5 hours with you, text a nice message after your date and seemed interested in seeing you again.

If you have decided that because he went out with friends after your date is a deal breaker (and to be clear, it is ridiculous if it is) you could at least let him know.

Imagine if a man posted this. Went on a third date, woman wanted to end date at 11pm as she was meeting friends. I was half hoping she would show some interest in sex or being physically intimate. I had even trimmed my man garden just in case! She text me afterwards to say she had a nice time and to make plans for another date. But I am pissed off she went out after our date and didnt show any onterest in physical intimacy. So i have ghosted her.

He would be absolutely ripped to shreds

[quote cocavino]@Justme10 my ex was emotionally abusive and I am extremely concerned about red flags/not getting hurt again. I will probably be very jumpy about any man for quite a while[/quote]
It's understandable for you to be cautious.
I think you really need to make sure you are ready for dating then and if you are then just take things slow and casual without getting too emotionally invested too soon.

And I would be more wary of the men who want to jump straight in to bed than the man who is being respectful and not expecting sex because it's the third date.

have not responded to his texts

So, despite his being concerned about your safety, you’re ghosting him. I think a reality check on who’s being rude would be in order.

I doubt you’ll have to worry about the question of dating him again.

If he has self respect he’ll avoid someone who was sulking so much they couldn’t even send a “that’s me home” text.

It’s understandable to be defensive after bad experiences, but that’s just ridiculous.

@5catsonthedesk i honestly doubt he cared that much.

@NotresDames i have baggage but I don't think I will just lose it without going on some painful dates. I left my ex 2 years ago so I think timewise I have certainly waited long enough.

But what was this date? Did you have dinner or just drinks? Did he pay? How old is he?

@Anonanon1234 thank you

Op why are you ignoring him? That’s so rude.

I think we all understand you’re disappointed he didn’t wish more last night.but if the genders were reversed you’d have your arse handed to you.

I also don’t understand why him going clubbing wouldn’t fit into your lifestyle being an issue, you’re both approaching middle aged, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. That’s deeply unhealthy.

Maybe you need to take some time for you. Expecting heightened sexual behaviour from a man you’ve met twice, a virtual stranger, deciding that five hours on a date isn’t acceptable to you, deciding that if you were together long term with said stranger that basically you can’t do individual activities, ignoring him and considering binning him because he didn’t wish to do more than five hours or have sex with you is not ok.

I too am surprised you didn’t send him an “I’m home safe” text. That’s pretty rude and disrespectful of you.

Calm down! I have now sent a text, including an apology for not confirming safe arrival yesterday. I agreed that it was fun. He can respond or not as he likes.

[quote cocavino]@Justme10 my ex was emotionally abusive and I am extremely concerned about red flags/not getting hurt again. I will probably be very jumpy about any man for quite a while[/quote]
maybe you are not ready for the shark infested waters of online dating.

I think you need to get your head sorted, build your self-worth, and meet men in a different way if you can.

If you have come out of an abusive relationship, yes, you are going to over-react to any small 'rejection' in an OTT way.

Have you had any therapy to deal with the past?
I can't see how you are ready to date if you are carrying all that baggage.

“you’re both approaching middle aged”

Middle aged? They’re in their early 20s aren’t they?

@cocavino

We met at 6:45. He was a bit late.

He was probably running late putting the kids to bed. Then needed to be home for 12 so it doesn't look suspicious .

Generally my single/ child free / relationship free friends tend to go out earlier and stay out later than those with partners/kids .

i have baggage but I don't think I will just lose it without going on some painful dates. I left my ex 2 years ago so I think timewise I have certainly waited long enough.

I don't think it's right or fair to expect men to be your way of getting over your past relationship.

You need to be sorted before you date.

Time in itself is not always enough.
You need to do the work, on yourself, your self-esteem etc.

Working through men online is not going to be the answer.

@5catsonthedesk

“you’re both approaching middle aged”

Middle aged? They’re in their early 20s aren’t they?

RTFT- she said 40s.

@NotresDames yes, i have had a therapist. She thinks I am ready to date, but cautioned me to take things slowly.

My ex systematically withheld affection and it really, really hurt me. It's definitely true that I should not jump into bed with anyone too quickly. I just feel lonely and unattractive