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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What is something you've had to make peace with never having?

869 replies

BobbiPinsOn · 09/10/2021 10:34

a good singing voice

OP posts:
amy85 · 09/10/2021 20:19

Being thin
Having a well paying job
Owning a house
Having a loving and stable relationship
Having friends

user1499291455 · 09/10/2021 20:20

A group of female friends
Living away for university

Glassofshloer · 09/10/2021 20:28

@lazylinguist

Flowers to everyone coping with loss or who had unloving parents.

For me - a slim, athletic-type body with small boobs. It takes such a lot of restraint to be at the lower end of my weight range (borderline size 12/14) instead of the upper (16), but even at the lower end I feel busty and bulky. I always wanted to be able to wear strappy tops, tucked in tops etc without feeling bulgy or like I was showing off my cleavage. But I guess we all want what we don't have. If I had an androgynous figure I'd probably be yearning for curves.

I used to be a naturally skinny tall size 8. It really wasn’t as great as it sounds, if I’m honest - I was so slim that I was quite veiny and my legs looked bandy 😕 I was also always tired.

I’m a 12/14 after having my daughter and while I would like to shave off half a stone and tone up, I’m much happier - my body feels stronger and while I can’t wear a few things that I used to, the clothes I do have ‘fit’ properly and don’t just hang off me.

Don’t quite know why I wrote all that, just suggesting being thin isn’t as great as it sounds sometimes I guess!

Siepie · 09/10/2021 20:29

A good relationship with my parents

Small/average feet - I often have to shop in the men's section for shoes, and wish I could find prettier things

lazyarse123 · 09/10/2021 20:29

@overthethamesfromyou

A sports car when I would have looked good in a sports car Smile

Now I'd just look like a woman with a late mid life crisis

Me too. Would love an Aston Martin but probably would struggle to get in and never get out Grin.
IARTNS · 09/10/2021 20:31

A child

lazylinguist · 09/10/2021 20:34

Don’t quite know why I wrote all that, just suggesting being thin isn’t as great as it sounds sometimes I guess!

Thanks - it's good to hear another point of view!

A group of female friends
Oh yes, me too. I haven't had a close group of friends since university and I'm about to turn 50.

grapewine · 09/10/2021 20:34

@GetDrunkWithMe

Having my three youngest children alive and with us. Sad Made my peace with it but I really bloody miss them.

Oh and winning the lottery. Only got three numbers and a bonus ball last night.

This is heartbreaking. I'm sorry ❤️
leavesthataregreen · 09/10/2021 20:34

@Mynextname

I don't think I have made peace with any of my long list yet. Although I feel like I am getting to an age where I need to (early thirties). Is this an age thing? How do you make peace with things that cause you so much pain? If the big things don't matter then what really matters and what are we even doing here?

All that goes over in my head is the Linkin Park song lyrics from 'in the end', "it doesn't even matter how hard your try".

The serenity prayer is a cliche but if you look past the cliche, it's incredibly valuable advice: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Whether or not you believe in God it's good advice. The ability to make peace with what you can't change (your parents, your height etc), be brave enough to change what you need and want to change (your job, weight, partner, home, financial status) and being wise enough to know the difference between the two is the recipe for happiness.

Big things matter a lot but you have to ask yourself at some point - what is the value in being miserably obsessed with things I can do nothing about. Having indifferent parents or a chunky build or rubbish singing voice or a son with SEN and fragile physical health - I can't change these, so I have stopped getting angry about them and become more forgiving to myself and life in general that this is what life dealt me - no one's life is perfect. These are my burdens. The best way to carry them is lightly with total acceptance.

But being overweight, broke, friendless, depressed - I can and have changed all those for the better and have a lost of similar issues to deal with that are empowering when you improve them.

Worldwide2 · 09/10/2021 20:35

@Dumbitdown

At the moment I feel like I’ll never come to terms with not becoming a mother. I’m 38 and was cheated on by ex dp of near on 20 years who quoted amongst other reasons for it - not giving him a baby. I left him and ow was pregnant within months.

So yeah, motherhood. Mental health too since the “journey” of the last 8 years sent that packing, and contentedness.

Your post really touched me I'm so sorry 💕 💐
grapewine · 09/10/2021 20:36

The ability to walk. It still sucks most days.

Katela18 · 09/10/2021 20:36

A love or passion for exercise

catlovingdoctor · 09/10/2021 20:37

A caring and half-functional family
My own home (for now)

romdowa · 09/10/2021 20:41

A normal family
An easy life
A neurotypical brain
A healthy body

PeriChristmas · 09/10/2021 20:45

Mine is a house by the sea.

Chocochick · 09/10/2021 20:56

Romance. My husband is a good man but our marriage is completely devoid of passion.

EgSk · 09/10/2021 20:57

Nice hand writing . I’m still so embarrassed by mine . It’s horrible no matter how hard I try ( it looks like a child’s writing )but I’ve accepted that is something I can’t change (trust me , I’ve tried hahah)

Glassofshloer · 09/10/2021 20:59

@Chocochick

Romance. My husband is a good man but our marriage is completely devoid of passion.
My MIL says this quite often. On the flip side though I find men who are overly romantic tend to be cheats 😕
UnsolicitedDickPic · 09/10/2021 21:02

A supportive partner. His mental health issues have been the bane of our entire relationship and it has impacted on everything. I came to the realisation recently that were I to become ill, he'd never be able to look after me.

scarpa · 09/10/2021 21:04

Massive salary, massive tits, organisational skills, mental stability, ability to wear heels.

Chocochick · 09/10/2021 21:06

My friend says the same as we share our despair over our boring yet dependable and trustworthy husbands. Like she says, “get your kicks elsewhere” 😅

Iamtired123 · 09/10/2021 21:07

A swimming pool

scarpa · 09/10/2021 21:10

@2bazookas

Legs.

I do have legs but they are not the size I ordered and deserve. I wanted the longer ones with narrow feet. What they sent was a set of wide peasant feet on short legs only one size up from " average hobbit".

I seem to have received the same model as yours - mine are the special 'Tiny Ankles, Thighs Like Oil Barrels 3000' edition though, so that have an interesting baby carrot appearance which I've spent decades waiting to come into fashion. When it does though... we're going to be laughing Wink
IdblowJonSnow · 09/10/2021 21:14

A kind mum.

Long legs.

However I do have a loving dad, cracking tits and brilliant kids! So all good. Grin