Why do we have low expectations of children/adults with disabilities?

[Nivealove]

Thought twice about posting this post. But here you go.

AIBU to have high expectations of my children with disabilities? Had an disagreement with one of the DC's teachers today and she thinks it's acceptable that my 13 year old should still be learning the 2 and the 10x table. 2/3 go to special needs school. When I challenged the head and the teachers, they give me some bullshit about him not being ready and they adapt the curriculum to the child's needs. I've decided to remove me child from that school. If they stay there, they would be left with nothing.

It's the same thing everyday. It's not acceptable for a neurotypical child to not read and write. But it's acceptable if a child with a disability can not read and write. If it wasn't for me and spending ££££££ in tutors/resources and not leaving it to the school, my children would not have learnt to read and write. It- instead would be blame on their disability and not because of their poor (unambitious) teaching practices. I'm not just talking about academics, I'm talking about sports, independent skills and so forth so forth.

My children have been taught by people who see my children as individuals and have high expectations vs people who see my children by their diagnosis and 10/10 my children succeed with people who believe in them and have high expectations.

When I complain to the school, I'm seen as a mother who is in denial and haven't accepted their children's disabilities. I have- as I wouldn't have been ££££££ amount of private therapies.

I've come to realise that society as whole is like this. Rant over.

Op I don't understand they said that at special school?

Teachers don't get taught about sen. Apparently it's a small module that is a choice to take.

So how would regular teachers have any idea on what dc are capable of?

• one dc has mild sen and mine would still be bottom of of the pile if it wasn't for basic tweaks tutors made and have raised her up. I'm took her reading into my own hands as well.

Well great. You have the money for therapy and a child who is able.

I’m not sure what you’re asking. Some children are more able in some ways than others regardless of neurotype.

I’ve got two ND children - one was talking in full sentences before 2 and taught himself to read. The other spends his time eating hair.

Your children sound like they’re in the wrong school. Not all special schools are the same. My son is in an autism specific specialist school and we feel they’re too pushy - trying to push him to follow the curriculum when actually it’s just making him so anxious all the time. We are fighting to get him into a more general specialist school where it’s more play based. We don’t care if he leaves with no qualifications; we just want his anxiety reduced and for him to be happy. All children with sen are different.

@Merryoldgoat

Well great. You have the money for therapy and a child who is able.

I’m not sure what you’re asking. Some children are more able in some ways than others regardless of neurotype.

I’ve got two ND children - one was talking in full sentences before 2 and taught himself to read. The other spends his time eating hair.

No I don't have the money! I'm lucky that I was able to find relatively cheap people to help my DC's. I've had to cut back hugely. But this if for their future.

I know children who have PMLD and are excellent communicators with the high tec AAC's and have grasped early literacy and reading skills. Luckily, they were taught by people who believed in them and the high tec systems are centred around a model surrounding presume competence.

Every parent of a child with SEN has their own hopes and dreams for their children as with parents of children with neurotypical. I'm not making judgements. But I frequently come across a brick wall of "professionals", coaches, teachers, who have such low expectations of our children.

I wouldn't call my children able I was just lucky, very lucky to find a team who believed in my children.

@Bagelsandbrie

Your children sound like they’re in the wrong school. Not all special schools are the same. My son is in an autism specific specialist school and we feel they’re too pushy - trying to push him to follow the curriculum when actually it’s just making him so anxious all the time. We are fighting to get him into a more general specialist school where it’s more play based. We don’t care if he leaves with no qualifications; we just want his anxiety reduced and for him to be happy. All children with sen are different.

No judgement at all as I said every parents hopes and wishes for all their children is different. I do think learning how to read and write (or using other methods) is essential- when you can read, your able to read signs when out and about, know what to buy in a supermarket, can write down (or use text to speech, AAC software) how they can tell someone how they are feeling (if non verbal)

I wouldn't call my children able I was just lucky, very lucky to find a team who believed in my children.

But what does this mean? Everyone who has worked with my children has believed in them. Our belief and work hasn’t got him to speak.

It’s one thing to have not great teachers. It’s another to to recognise reality.

Excellent rant OP. I have the same battles on behalf of my child who has Cerebral Palsy.

@Merryoldgoat

I wouldn't call my children able I was just lucky, very lucky to find a team who believed in my children.

But what does this mean? Everyone who has worked with my children has believed in them. Our belief and work hasn’t got him to speak.

It’s one thing to have not great teachers. It’s another to to recognise reality.

You don't need words to be able to speak- there are so many other methods out there. You'll be surprised that most people who teach people with SEN have low expectations.

The reality is that my children would never get 10 GCSE's. The reality is that my children would never be competent communications. But you bet I will support them to reach their maximum potential because I would not always be there to hold their hand.

I hear you op.

So many parents of kids with SN will agree with what you say. My dd can talk because I didn’t give up on her. I am never going to give up on high expectations for her.

I should say another dc in our family is non verbal - so important kids reach their potential whether that’s verbal or not

And yes it’s a societal problem.

I actually work in a school and think all kids should be in classes of readiness to learn/ability rather than age. That way they could all learn at their own pace.

Then we wouldn’t have to separate most SEN kids from mainstream because they could be taught in their actual ability group.

The inclusion that I see at school that works brings out empathy and kindness in all the children. That feeds into society.

Dont really understand your post op.
My now adult dd went to a brilliant sn school. No they couldn't get her reading and writing. But they made her confident, and taught her so much.
Not all kids with sn will learn to read and write, or even want to use a communicator.

@Samcro

Dont really understand your post op. My now adult dd went to a brilliant sn school. No they couldn't get her reading and writing. But they made her confident, and taught her so much. Not all kids with sn will learn to read and write, or even want to use a communicator.

Maybe not conventionally- no. But I believe all children can learn to read and write. A school that has not taught a child had to read and write, even using non conventional methods, is not great in my eyes- as these skills are essential. But it's great that the school made your DD happy and confident.

I think there’s a fine line. I don’t think it’s helpful to give false hope. Realistic expectations are what matters and they are so individualised. I guess that’s the point really, each person will have different levels of attainment. It could be a bit hit and miss as you try to figure it out.

Surely it depends on the disability
No one should assume that someone else can't do here because they have a disability. But sometimes, despite intensive help/therapy/teaching someone with a disability can't do whatever it is.
My cousin can not walk. Nothing will change that. (Well theoretically something could be developed in the future I suppose.) But with the technology and medical stuff currently available she will never walk.

Well for me I'd say qualifications aren't everything. Ds could read at two, but didn't speak until seven, he has 8 GCSEs and 3 Btecs but his anxiety and selective mutism means he doesn't really have the skills or ability he needs to put his qualifications to use anyway. I think he would have fared far better had more focus been placed on real life skills rather than the academics tbh.

your whole post is why i dont believe in the school system and home educate. been doing it since 2015 now and its the best thing ever

both mine have numerous complex disabilities and i tailor their learning to them

Ahh get you now, sorry was being a bit slow.
At my dds school they had a communication system in place, like Pecs but tailored for the individual, it worked really well and allowed her to learn, that and sigh a long.,

Sign not sigh

Complete get what you mean. DCs school 1 & 2 were lovely and caring but he made next to no progress. Couldn't read/write/add after 4 years of school. Moved to school no.3 and he'd reached age expected level in reading, and working towards in writing and maths. And it wasn't because he'd 'suddenly clicked' or anything like that. It was because school 3 actually had high aspirations and spent time to find out how to teach him/what support was best. EHCP helped make it all official I suppose.

@CiaoForNiao

Surely it depends on the disability No one should assume that someone else can't do here because they have a disability. But sometimes, despite intensive help/therapy/teaching someone with a disability can't do whatever it is. My cousin can not walk. Nothing will change that. (Well theoretically something could be developed in the future I suppose.) But with the technology and medical stuff currently available she will never walk.

I understand and like I said, my children would never be competent communicators and will always have very severe language disorders, ADHD couples with self regulation difficulties. However, a person who cannot walk can learn to be independent, a bit small steps, with assistive help, modifications, he/she can learn how to pull off their jumper using their teeth, tools etc etc. I think- sadly- many parents like us are unaware of other supports we can seek for our children/adults we are delft searching or happen to come across a professional who gives us valuable information. I don't care about academics, but I want my children to progress so that I know when I die, I will think to myself- they have the tools now- I can be in peace.

@Penfield your school sounds lovely. Thank you for all that you do

@Beefmeupscotty

Complete get what you mean. DCs school 1 & 2 were lovely and caring but he made next to no progress. Couldn't read/write/add after 4 years of school. Moved to school no.3 and he'd reached age expected level in reading, and working towards in writing and maths. And it wasn't because he'd 'suddenly clicked' or anything like that. It was because school 3 actually had high aspirations and spent time to find out how to teach him/what support was best. EHCP helped make it all official I suppose.

That's amazing!

OP I remember touring a facility that we were going to use for some piece work that my company had. This was a well known household name organization in the US that does many things including job training for SN adults and adults that for whatever reason need transition support to the workplace. So everything from profound physical and mental disabilities to addiction rehab.

I was at first a little shocked but then was refreshed at the way the staff interacted with the client staff. They were supported but held a very high standard and spoke to everyone no different than I would to my own employees. The support came from matching the individual with an appropriate job (forklift driving was not within everyone’s capability, as an example) and providing the tools needed by and individual, and instructions appropriate for all levels.

I had a chance to chat with some of the client staff and without fail they had pride in the work they did, it should be the same for children whose job it is to learn to the best of their ability.

I think that’s what you are getting at… the standard shouldn’t be, we can expect X because of Y condition. Instead it should be we should expect X+ with Z adaptation due to Y condition.