My daughter doesn’t have a bedroom-is this bad

[Thoseshoulderslookace]

Dd, 3, sleeps in our room/bed, all her toys are downstairs..everywhere, plus in the garden etc. We have one extra bedroom that’s used as a spare room currently for when people come to stay. We’re getting it ready to be her bedroom, but it’s taking so long because it’s so expensive! Saving back a bit each month to decorate it all fully, buy the bed, shelves, chair, rugs, decorations etc etc.
Is it shit that she doesn’t have her own room yet? Feel so bad about it 🥲

Your dd really won’t care. You should save your money and do it when she’s about 7. Then plan again at about 12.

If you are happy and she is happy there is no issue.

My son probably won't have his own room when he is 3 because we don't even have a spare room and property prices are so expensive.

My DS Shared with me until he was 3 and when we lived abroad he never had his own fancy bedroom, he had a super king that I settled him in then came back and slept beside him when I was going to bed. We vacated it when we have visitors though. Not sure where you are abroad but m and s do double bed kids duvet sets of if you are higher budget pottery barn also do and they are absolutely beautiful.

I’d agree youre aiming for the perfect snd habe given her absolutely nothing for three years. This isn’t she chooses to sleep with you this is you’ve given her no room snd no option.

Anything is better than nothing.

@Rosesareyellow

It seems a peculiarly British thing to see a child moving to their own room as some rite of passage that must be achieved as quickly as possible.

It’s really not a ‘British’ thing at all. It’s common in many other countries
Each to their own of course, but I don’t know why people start quoting different cultures when it comes to co-sleeping with children and toddlers. In many cultures this happens because in fact whole families share a room - often because they have little choice. For some it is just cultural and it’s been done this way for a long time - but that doesn’t make better or superior. I don’t see anyone rushing to invite the rest of their extended family, in laws and all, into their bedrooms because other cultures do it

Do your extended family need the same comfort small children do? Or are you being deliberately obtuse?

[quote Thoseshoulderslookace]@MyPatronusIsACat I think it’s the way you’re replying with a different opinion, just a teeny bit, you know?[/quote]
I wouldn’t take much notice to posters who have attitudes like patronus. I’m assuming cat is a spelling error too…

It’s funny how it’s perfectly fine to be judgy about bed sharing but do the same about forced separate sleeping and you’re the issue

@Goldbar My DC is slowly outgrowing their cot bed (very tall almost 4yo) and we're mulling replacing it with a double or even a king bed. Then we can lie in there with them if they're ill or upset and at least it will be comfortable. And we can use their room as an extra guest room and it will save buying another bed when they're a teenager.

Growing up, I never knew anyone my age with a double bed! I’m in my 20s.

The bed sharing thing is completely up to you of course. (I would never have done it personally but I understand that some people do and it works for them.) But surely you can give her the spare room as her room anyway? Even if she doesn't yet sleep in there she would have her own space with her own things.

And of course she doesn't need a toddler bed! Especially when there's a perfectly good bed in there already. And if money is tight there have to be way more valuable things to spend it on (or save it) than interior design for a 3 year old! She won't care.

I'm genuinely confused.

You're prioritising the odd guest over your 3 year old daughter? Surely guests can stay at the local travel lodge!

Sell everything that is in there.

And then you get the rest on the free sites. Utter crap to say you can't afford a room, why on earth does it all have to be expensive?!

My son's room - bed and mattress free on Facebook, desk cost me £10 on FB, wardrobe cost me £10. Curtains were free. Lightshade free.

Daughter's room - bed and mattress again, free. Wardrobe free. Chest of drawers £10. Stick on wallpaper = that actually cost me £25 but looks amazing in one corner! Lightshade £10.

You just have to prioritise LOOKING to sort out the room.

I might add, NEITHER of my kid's rooms look like they're filled with free/second hand furniture. Join FB groups from nice areas. They literally give new stuff away all the time.

Get her a blow-up bed - stick it in the room - bingo!

DD is still in our room at 9. We don't have a spare room. She's always had her own bed though, as well as decorations and other bits and bobs.

Your reasons for not moving her out are silly and I think you know that. If you want to keep her in for a while longer that's fine, but no need to make up reasons for it.

I think you’re letting perfect be the enemy of good enough.

She’s almost too old for a toddler bed. Just give her her own space and stop worrying unnecessarily about making it “lovely”.

@SnowyQueen. The double bed would be more for our benefit than our DC's (extra space for guests and not having to sit on the floor in their room trying to get them to sleep when they're having a bad night).

I relate to the OP. Is there decision fatigue or perfectionism going on?

Sorry if not the done thing to ask a question in someone else’s thread but what would people suggest doing for a 20m old please? Baby does fall out of bed so I was thinking floor bed or would bed guard be a better bet? Was planning on having the room pretty devoid of furniture so I also wonder when you can have furniture in the room alongside floor bed from a safety p.o.v?

The room doesn't need to be picture perfect before she has it as hers. Do it up as you go along. She's 3, she's not going to demand designer girly decor! People give away children's bed frames ,wardrobes & chests of drawers for pennies on Facebook marketplace. Wilko sell furniture paint now for wood/non wood stuff . My landlord just binned an almost new wardrobe because new tenants didn't want it. He put it on the pavement, it went in under an hour.

Mone went into anroom with plain painted walls and a plain carpet and a toddler bed. He didnt care. We added furniture bit by bit. He loved having a place to lay out his toys like.his trains that he didn't have to clear away all the time.

Is she loved? Is she happy? That is literally all that matters. If she is happy in her home, whose room is whose is not likely to be registering in her head.

I wouldn't bother with a toddler bed at three, DS isn't three yet and is growing out of his (he is tall), better to just get a single or leave her in the double bed that's in there. She's less likely to fall out and you can still use it for guests on occasion.
I understand what you're saying that it can cost a bit to fully do a room, but you've known you'll have a child who will need her own room for almost 4 years, you could've done bits and pieces in that time. Plenty of time to scour marketplace for freebies and I'm sure you could've got a tin of paint in that time if it's so important to decorate. I think it's different if there isn't any space and they do just fine, but it does seem mean to have a room available but to reserve it for guests rather than let her use it. A duvet cover of her choice and her toys in the room would make it pretty much hers. You don't need to spend a fortune.

To each their own. If you like having her in your room, then carry on. But I don't understand why money is the reason. At 3, they only need a bed and maybe a chest of drawers. As other mentioned, you can get furniture for next to nothing. Ikea has decent mattresses and cute bedding.

Forgetting exactly where she sleeps. If you've nothing extra to save, waiting until you've saved up to decorate a beautiful rooms for her is unrealistic. So make a new plan.

The double bed is fine. Roll up a blanket or towel length wise, and pop under the sheet at the edge of the bed, it acts as a mini barrier to stop them falling. Free.

Look for either free paint on marketplace or ask friends if they've any going. Otherwise buy a cheap tin and borrow equipment. Paint the room.

One set of second hand, pretty curtains (and duvet- no need to match) will make a massive difference to the age feel of the room. Shelves (again, sourced second hand) with toys and books attractively arranged will transform the feel of the room. Give yourself a fortnight and it could all be done and you'd be so proud. And she'll love it. Regardless of where she sleeps.

We don't have much money and got all our furniture second hand from charity shops. We got an ikea king size bed for £30, for example! Things don't have to be expensive.

I agree that the current situation is okay, but really just move her into the other bedroom, along with her toys. She honestly won't care about the decorating.

Mine don't either as we choose to co-sleep. A child as young as three does not need their own space, why would they need their own room? Of course it isn't bad. Culturally the norm in a huge amount of the world, where it would be considered insane for a child that small to have their own bedroom!

My dd didn’t have any new furniture when she was little. She had a large wardrobe and a single bed. This meant her wardrobe could be bashed around by her or friends. Her bed was a single. But equally a double would have been ok.

I did buy funky things to make it cosy - bedlinen, rug, curtains, IKEA Kallax shelving plus other bits and bobs, the walls were to her taste etc. I don’t regret that decision. We bought her all new furniture when she was 12. Bang on trend for secondary school. This will take her to adulthood.

If you buy cutesy stuff now, she will hate it by the she’s 7. Then by 11/12, she will hate the stuff you bought at 7. Much better to make do with what you have. Paint the wardrobe pink if you want etc. A warm, inviting bedroom isn’t necessarily about the furniture, it’s about the accessories.

Many of us have said to work with what you’ve got. You’ve got such a tight budget that I would be looking for second hand bedlinen cheaply. I get you want to give everything to your dd. But experiences, going out places and doing things are worth more to a child’s development and mental health at this age than a perfect room. Save the need for a perfect room til she’s nearing her teens.

Freecycle is a good source of free furniture but totally agree with those posters who have said all she needs is a bed! I really don’t understand why you are prioritising a guest room over your daughter having her own room.