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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter doesn’t have a bedroom-is this bad

369 replies

Thoseshoulderslookace · 08/10/2021 18:54

Dd, 3, sleeps in our room/bed, all her toys are downstairs..everywhere, plus in the garden etc. We have one extra bedroom that’s used as a spare room currently for when people come to stay. We’re getting it ready to be her bedroom, but it’s taking so long because it’s so expensive! Saving back a bit each month to decorate it all fully, buy the bed, shelves, chair, rugs, decorations etc etc.
Is it shit that she doesn’t have her own room yet? Feel so bad about it 🥲

OP posts:
wingingit987 · 08/10/2021 21:21

She's 3 don't bother with a toddler either tho straight to single or just buy removable sides and put her in the double bed.

Facebook market place people are always getting rid of decent stuff usually free to collect. For my youngest I got some Peter rabbit prints off Etsy cost £7 and cheap photo frames from IKEA and done!

Original poster
Thoseshoulderslookace · 08/10/2021 21:22

@MyPatronusIsACat I think it’s the way you’re replying with a different opinion, just a teeny bit, you know?

OP posts:
Rosesareyellow · 08/10/2021 21:30

I don't think it's superior, but I do think it's an entirely normal and healthy way for young children to sleep. But I understand why it doesn't work for many people or why people don't want to do it and it doesn't make them a worse or better parent. But posts about her being too old and the suggestion she is 'making a rod for your own back' are just plain ignorant. Perhaps those people are the ones protesting a bit much? Why care so much/have such a strong opinion about something that doesn't affect you and you've never done?

There’s the usual one or two unasked for opinions on co-sleeping, but that really isn’t the vibe of this thread. People are rightfully confused, not by OPs decision to co sleep with her DD - that’s hardly out of the ordinary these days - but the odd insistence that she can’t give her the spare room, despite wanting to, when she clearly and very easily could Confused

pianolessons1 · 08/10/2021 21:32

[quote Thoseshoulderslookace]@pianolessons1 Mean?[/quote]
I just think she's 3, she's a proper person, 3 year olds have their own opinions - it seems a bit strange that there is a spare room in the house but she doesn't have her own room. But you know if it bothers her or not. I'd also worry about trying to get her out of the parental bed at the same time as starting school as that's a big change too.

Original poster
Thoseshoulderslookace · 08/10/2021 21:35

Thanks for the constructive and kind replies. I’m looking on marketplace for some bargains, they don’t seem to have that much where we are, but will hunt it down and lower my expectations of what I originally wanted.
Even if she doesn’t want to sleep there to start with, that’s okay, but she has the option and somewhere to go to play if she’d like to or for a bit of quiet time

OP posts:
pianolessons1 · 08/10/2021 21:35

[quote Thoseshoulderslookace]@alexdgr8 I’m not wanting the best decor and didn’t say I was painting on the wall, but it does obviously need a toddler bed, shelves, carpet, wardrobe, chair, table, done decorations etc[/quote]
no it really doesn't. at 3 they can go in a normal bed, with some rails if you're worried - the room presumably isn't bare with just a bed at the moment so whatever furniture you have is fine. We've never had child friendly decorations in their room, just painted walls.

pianolessons1 · 08/10/2021 21:37

[quote Thoseshoulderslookace]@Goldbar My thinking was to have this amazing new room to tempt her in[/quote]
I think you're over-thinking this. Chat to her over a week or two about how amazing it'll be for her to be in her big girl room. Maybe buy a new cuddly toy. Put all her toys in there. Job done.

Spectre8 · 08/10/2021 21:40

Your so inflexible whats the point of your post, your so adamant it has to be perfectly set up first with all the furniture in it at the behest of her having her own room.

Wow, thought parents supposed to put children first not materialistic things. Its not like she will be spending all day in the room.

But hey if you want to overextend yourself go right ahead - stupid thing to do to make your financial situation worse.

PineappleSmith · 08/10/2021 21:42

Just to answer your question, yes I believe children need their own bedrooms

Original poster
Thoseshoulderslookace · 08/10/2021 21:42

@Spectre8 No, I just want it to be half decent for her, to be nice. At the moment there’s almost f all there and I need to put money aside

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 08/10/2021 21:42

My 4yo doesn’t use her room for sleeping. I’ve only just got her drawers for clothes (previously in baskets) and doesn’t have a bed yet. It’s fine! She goes up there sometimes to play.

ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 21:44

@Spectre8

Your so inflexible whats the point of your post, your so adamant it has to be perfectly set up first with all the furniture in it at the behest of her having her own room.

Wow, thought parents supposed to put children first not materialistic things. Its not like she will be spending all day in the room.

But hey if you want to overextend yourself go right ahead - stupid thing to do to make your financial situation worse.

Oh, calm down. The kid is fine.
Waterfallgirl · 08/10/2021 21:45

At 3 I wouldn’t bother with a toddler bed, a normal bed with some side rails is fine. As long as it’s safe that’s the man thing. When we were kids toddler beds had never even been invented, it’s a marketing thing!

violetbunny · 08/10/2021 21:45

This is completely bizarre. She's 3. She isn't going to notice or care if it's decorated for a toddler or an adult. It will just be her room.

DreamingofGinoclock · 08/10/2021 21:46

I don't think it's bad the age she is ...bothy daughters have their own rooms but we don't really keep their toys in there at the moment (4 and 2) as we don't want temptations to play at bed time ...but we do have the luxury of a playroom ....if it's the space to keep her own toys in/ to play in you are worried about why not start storing her toys in the spare room /.letting her play in there then the bed etc can follow with her sleeping in with you till that's all sorted?

Dixiechickonhols · 08/10/2021 21:47

Just use it as is for her. Facebook market place is great for furniture and room accessories like lamps.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2021 21:47

I don’t think it’s fair to her as she will find the adjustment hard now to be alone. And just a bed and rug is better than no room at all.

Mamabear12 · 08/10/2021 21:49

Don’t feel bad. Tbh children that young prefer to sleep with their parents. We have a 5 bedroom house; and yet our kids prefer to sleep with us…when they were little we all slept in one room! But now they are bigger we have to sleep in two rooms. My dd sleeps w me. My ds sleeps w dh. The dog goes between the rooms at night. Dc3 is the only one who sleeps in her own room atm. But the first few months she used to sleep w me dd and the dog!! I think children adapt to whatever situation they must sleep in. If it’s alone they get used to it. I’m trying to transition my dd who is 9 into her own room. Slowly she spends more days in her room. But she does often try to sleep w me still. I figure by the time I get her in her own room my youngest will probably move into my room 😂

PicturesOfLily · 08/10/2021 21:50

My 4yo moved in to the spare room, sort of accidentally, at 11 months and has slept in the double bed in there ever since. One side is pushed up to the wall. It’s been so handy for teething, illness, nightmares etc as one of us can just get in with her and get some sleep. We only moved her clothes and toys in there earlier this year before dc2 arrived (got IKEA Malm drawers which hold loads!). We are going to decorate in the next few months but only because dh is wfh permanently now and needs the box room/nursery to use as an office so dc2 will share with dc1 —if she ever leaves our bed—

Dixiechickonhols · 08/10/2021 21:51

Lots of children sleep in bigger bed they do childrens double bedding. Paint is cheap way to add colour. Seriously get on eBay/marketplace. I sold DD’s furniture for virtually nothing - I was just glad her princess castle shelves were going to another little girl. I gave her solid pine set of drawers and bedside table away free.

Mamabear12 · 08/10/2021 21:51

And you don’t need anything special in her room. Use what you have. Put some of her toys and books in there. Make it cozy that way. You probably have one of her old blankets you can put on the bed. You could put some of her art work up on the walls. And slowly buy new things as you can afford them. Like a new duvet cover or light etc.

LIZS · 08/10/2021 21:58

Have you given her the option? Why not use the bed there already. A pot of paint does not cost the earth, even if you just did one wall for now.

BasiliskStare · 08/10/2021 21:58

Ds had an adult sized bed - 2nd hand curtains , all his furniture was a bit hand me down or cheap and cheerful - but with a lick of paint and his stuff in it & a few pictures it was fine. I rather miss it. He did have to wait for carpet - we bought the biggest IKEA rug we could afford ( and they can be v inexpensive )

TreeSmuggler · 08/10/2021 22:03

I think you are letting the perfect be the enemy of the good here. She just has to have a beautifully decorated room, nothing less will do. Except right now she has a lot less than that, no room at all.

As pp said you have missed the opportunity to have a toddler bed, they are for toddlers as the name suggests. Pre schoolers age is when they can move to a normal bed.

PrtScn · 08/10/2021 22:12

I must be really terrible then, as my 3 year old still hasn’t got his own bedroom. He sleeps with me, and doesn’t seem to want his own room. He still breastfeeds to sleep though so I guess he’s in no hurry. When he’s ready I’ll transfer the bed guard from our bed to the spareroom bed