My daughter doesn’t have a bedroom-is this bad

[Thoseshoulderslookace]

Dd, 3, sleeps in our room/bed, all her toys are downstairs..everywhere, plus in the garden etc. We have one extra bedroom that’s used as a spare room currently for when people come to stay. We’re getting it ready to be her bedroom, but it’s taking so long because it’s so expensive! Saving back a bit each month to decorate it all fully, buy the bed, shelves, chair, rugs, decorations etc etc.
Is it shit that she doesn’t have her own room yet? Feel so bad about it 🥲

It seems a peculiarly British thing to see a child moving to their own room as some rite of passage that must be achieved as quickly as possible.

It’s really not a ‘British’ thing at all. It’s common in many other countries
Each to their own of course, but I don’t know why people start quoting different cultures when it comes to co-sleeping with children and toddlers. In many cultures this happens because in fact whole families share a room - often because they have little choice. For some it is just cultural and it’s been done this way for a long time - but that doesn’t make better or superior. I don’t see anyone rushing to invite the rest of their extended family, in laws and all, into their bedrooms because other cultures do it

I feel like you’re being REALLY precious about it being a “beautiful” space. She won’t care. And as previous posters said you can usually get a lot of free or very inexpensive things. If everyone is happy as is then don’t worry about it (personally I’d rather sleep in the garden then share with DC but that’s me!) but don’t not give her a room because you feel like it needs to be beautiful.

Ach you see if you regularly have visitors I would keep the double bed ( with a guard if necessary & I like the idea of shoving it up against the wall. ) - other than that a bit of emulsion and look around for carpet shops which will do you a deal on an off cut ( depending on size. ) Ikea can do some pretty things for children's bedrooms cheaply .

I would decide whether you prefer co sleeping or you want her to have her own bedroom - I agree with a PP , children are not necessarily the most critical interior decorator. I would ask her what she wants in her bedroom and do you best to do that. I suspect it will be some random thing.

But I suspect you cannot go wrong either way

We kept our double bed. 3 year old DD slept in it. Seemed a waste to throw out a perfectly good double to buy a single because 'its what kids have'. Benefit was also that then odd time you do have guests i put an alternative set of bedding and pillows on the double for them and popped DD in with us on a Z bed.

But her room did look like a childs room apart from the size of the bed.

[quote Thoseshoulderslookace]@alexdgr8 I’m not wanting the best decor and didn’t say I was painting on the wall, but it does obviously need a toddler bed, shelves, carpet, wardrobe, chair, table, done decorations etc[/quote]
It needs a floor covering, yes, if it's currently got bare splintering floorboards - but the rest? No, she doesn't need those. There's a bed already, you're obviously keeping her clothes, books and toys somewhere at the moment, she won't be sat at a table in her room alone for years yet as she'll be with you - and decorations are literally just that, not essentials.

It would be nice to decorate it all and she might find it fun, but honestly, she doesn't need any of that.

@isitweds9thseptyet I agree - most visitors don't care if the bedroom has got children's things in - and most toddler beds they will grow out of in a heartbeat. Ds went straight from a cot into a proper sized bed .

I assume she has a bed so just move it on the room…. Why’s the point in this post?

Facebook marketplace and gumtree are great for finding nice things that could go in you little ones bedroom.

I'd def not get a toddler bed as you amy end up in there sometimes with her-absolute waste of money.

I understand that you want it to be a dreamy room but I'm sure her dreamy room is much simpler than the one you are envisioning

Three-year-olds don't care about tasteful decorations. They're not on Instagram.

We moved our DD into our old "guest bedroom" which had white walls and terracotta tiles (also not in the UK). We put down a cheap rug from Amazon to cover the terracotta tiles, and for decoration, everytime she came home from nursery/school with a painting/drawing she was particularly proud of, we sellotaped it to the walls in her bedroom.

Yes, objectively it looks shit, but Dd goes to sleep every night surrounded by her "art" and she loves it, so...

@Rosesareyellow

It seems a peculiarly British thing to see a child moving to their own room as some rite of passage that must be achieved as quickly as possible.

It’s really not a ‘British’ thing at all. It’s common in many other countries
Each to their own of course, but I don’t know why people start quoting different cultures when it comes to co-sleeping with children and toddlers. In many cultures this happens because in fact whole families share a room - often because they have little choice. For some it is just cultural and it’s been done this way for a long time - but that doesn’t make better or superior. I don’t see anyone rushing to invite the rest of their extended family, in laws and all, into their bedrooms because other cultures do it

Amen to this. ^ 👏🏻

There does seem to be this bizarre air of superiority (from a few) because their child still shares their bed (or did do until they were 10!) Like they are somehow better parents with happier/more secure children.

Methinks they doth protest too much.

I don't understand what you are hoping to get out of this thread. You are choosing to not give your daughter her own bedroom so you clearly don't feel bad about it like you say.

My kids coslept until they were 4 or 5, they had their own rooms though because we prioritised that over having a spare room.

I think it's fine that she's in with you at that age, no drama there.

But at the same time I do think it's really bizarre that you're not letting her have her own room for because it needs redecorating. The room is there, it's got a bed. You're good to go.

You can put gates up on the bed - particularly since at this rate she'll be too old for a toddler bed by the time you get round to it. Also, if you have guests staying (which you say you do) it kind of makes sense to keep it hybrid so you have options.

Basically I agree with every other poster that you're overthinking this and over dramatising. You can decorate as you go. Far nicer for her to have her room (exciting for a toddler) rather than never getting it because you have to save up for it to be perfect.

She doesn't know any different. Getting her own room will be exciting as is, and you can add nice things in when you can afford it.

Yes I think its bad. She doesn't need a fancy room. Just a bed and wardrobe will suffice. It's good enough for guests so I'm sure thats it's fine for your daughter.

I don't think it's superior, but I do think it's an entirely normal and healthy way for young children to sleep. But I understand why it doesn't work for many people or why people don't want to do it and it doesn't make them a worse or better parent. But posts about her being too old and the suggestion she is 'making a rod for your own back' are just plain ignorant. Perhaps those people are the ones protesting a bit much? Why care so much/have such a strong opinion about something that doesn't affect you and you've never done?

She needs her own room.

OP, even if she isn't interested in sleeping in her own room right now, you might as well get the bed set up for her and let her know it's there if she wants to sleep in it. DD knows she has her room and can sleep in the bed there if she wishes, but she chooses not to right now. One day she will decide she does want to, and the bed will be ready and waiting for her. I think it's good for her to have the option, even if she probably won't choose to take it for some time.

If you can’t afford to put some by every/most months to buy some bedding, how on earth are you going to pay for credit?

I don’t know about the country you’re in but in the UK Ikea has a MINIMUM credit of £1000, you can just get a few wee things for a kid’s room on it

At 3 she probably doesn't needs her own room. She has places to sleep and play and you have places to store things for her.

By 5 or 6 she'll probably want something that she has more control over - but I don't think that's normally the case at 3.

I agree with others that you don't need to make her room "lovely" to move her in there, but whether it's lovely or not she probably won't spend much time in there that you don't make her spend there. Kids that young generally want to be where there parents are. So unless you want to stop co-sleeping or you want to reclaim the living room or wherever from a sea of toys, picture books and crafting paraphernalia, I don't think there's a need for it. If she does start to show signs that she wants more of a space of her own it's easy enough to do the quick fixes that others have mentioned here at that point. I don't think you have to jump the gun on it.

Also, check out freecycle and gumtree. I have had masses upon masses of amazing stuff in new or nearly new condition off freecycle for my DD. Take her out to pick some paint, and then just gradually build things up. She'll get excited by something little being added each week won't she?

My dd's first bedroom didn't have a chair, wardrobe or any kind of storage other than toybox and Kallax unit for toys. You say you're abroad but have an Ikea, do you have any cheapy/ pound shop type places? A 3 yr old just needs a place to sleep and a space to play. A nice duvet cover in her favourite colour, make it fun and paint/ glitter glue some art specially for her walls, print pictures of her favourite characters to frame, a cheap string of battery operated fairy lights and shift the room around so one side of the bed is against a wall if possible and there is space for her to sit and play quietly in her own space is preferable to an Instagram worthy 'decorated' bedroom. Her clothes must be somewhere now, why can't they stay there? She can even continue to sleep in with you as and when she wants if you're both happy to continue but personally I like mine to have space to call their own. Maybe move her in then save up for it to be perfect later?

Don't buy a toddler bed, she's already three. If you are going to IKEA, they do great extendable beds. My 4 year old is already in the middle length as she likes (lots of ) teddies on the end!

It is silly to push yourself financially though. Get a few basic bits and some of those wall stickers. You can get fantastic designs and they peel off no problem especially with the aid of a hairdryer.

There’s single ikea full size beds for £49 on offer right now, fine for an adult visitor to sleep on also

Just seen book shelves, a set of drawers and a set of paw patrol curtains and bedding on marketplace by me - all of it would be £30, you just need to drive about a bit to pick stuff up from various places. A girl is on my local buy and sell page right now asking for free stuff for a nursery - people have offered bedding, curtains, lighting and all sorts for free.

Home bargains and b&m have sparkly canvases for the wall, fairy lights and lamps for under a tenner each.

Or buy canvases and paints from pound land and get her to do some artwork!

If you don’t want to do her a room don’t, but don’t act like you’ve got to save for handmade furniture until she can have one!

It's also a lot easier to get kids designs in double bedding now if you do keep it. Wouldn't it give you more flexibility to pick up a couple of second hand bed guards and then when you have guests she comes in with you for a night or two?

Your thinking about this way to much