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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this creepy?

226 replies

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:27

We are currently having a wet room fitted paid for by occupational health (so I didn’t hire these workies directly)

3 day job and we agreed an 8am start

Their work van was parked outside my house at 0645 this morning!

I am all for being early to your job but I’ve been stalked in the past and I found having 2 men parked directly outside my house while it was still dark (ffs!) triggering and intimidating.

Am I being overly sensitive because I find this whole thing with men I don’t know in my house difficult (due to past experiences) or is it just plain creepy to park outside for so long?!?

They know I am here on my own because this is day 3 and I can’t wait for it to be over!

Yabu - why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

Yanbu- I would feel uncomfortable too

OP posts:
Eilatan2018 · 08/10/2021 16:18

@HerrenaHarridan

Other than this they have been very considerate to be fair. If anything I had been considering calling their employer to commend them.

Friendly without being inappropriate and tidied away after themselves each evening.

I am really shaken by this though. I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

You sound a bit dramatic. Shaken by them being early outside your house not causing you any bother? Sounds a bit unecessary!
GreyhoundG1rl · 08/10/2021 18:05

@Zeropointzero

I can understand you are anxious.With all that is going on in regards to women being regularly harrassed and abused.it is a bit disappointing how many women on MN are so unsympathetic to your anxiety.FFS were is the sisterly support.Take care and I hope you have friends that are supportive and help you to come to terms with your PTSD.Flowers
These guys had been working inside op's house for the past two days, and were scheduled to do so again in an hours time. There was zero chance they were casing the joint from the outside.
BoredZelda · 08/10/2021 18:13

women on MN are so unsympathetic to your anxiety.FFS were is the sisterly support

She asked if it was creepy. It isn’t.

She had a needless dog at the guys saying they were avoiding their kids.

People have suggested she gets help for her anxiety. What more do you want.

Wallopbang · 08/10/2021 18:17

I don't find it creepy but I do think it's odd that they'd sit outside your house that early when they're not expected until 8.

If it was me I'd have parked up round the corner out of sight until the time I was expected. Or if I was the customer I may have popped out to invite them in earlier if it was convenient. Start early, finish early and all that.

Appreciate there's more to this than meets the eye with your background OP but really I wouldn't give it a second thought. Did you ask them about it when they came in?

Hopefully the last day went ok and you've got peace and your house back.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 08/10/2021 18:24

Like the majority have said it could be for many reasons. Needed to source deisel (difficult here atm) maybe they thought traffic Friday would be worse, maybe they were sorting paper work while having breakfast as it's the last day.

Yeah Ok, you have anxiety due to past history so understandably feel unnerved by it but you must also realise this is your issue and they haven't done anything wrong .

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 08/10/2021 18:26

I don't think parking around the corner outside someone else's house who isn't expecting them would be a good idea!

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/10/2021 18:29

If it was me I'd have parked up round the corner out of sight until the time I was expected
Outside someone else's house? Why the hell would you do that?

MolyHolyGuacamole · 08/10/2021 18:30

One more day of this and it will be over

Literally what I said, but you called me rude 🤷🏽‍♀️

LagunaBubbles · 08/10/2021 18:33

why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

What a horrible judgemental thing to say.

georgarina · 08/10/2021 18:50

YABU. I also have PTSD and am in therapy. It's up to us to work on our triggers so we can distinguish between trauma and reality/likely risk. The fact that you're kind of blaming them and considering not commending them isn't on.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 19:01

@Wallopbang

I don't find it creepy but I do think it's odd that they'd sit outside your house that early when they're not expected until 8.

If it was me I'd have parked up round the corner out of sight until the time I was expected. Or if I was the customer I may have popped out to invite them in earlier if it was convenient. Start early, finish early and all that.

Appreciate there's more to this than meets the eye with your background OP but really I wouldn't give it a second thought. Did you ask them about it when they came in?

Hopefully the last day went ok and you've got peace and your house back.

If it was me I'd have parked up round the corner out of sight until the time I was expected.

You would've sat outside the house of a complete stranger for over an hour, rather than outside the house you've been working in for the last 2 days?

Why?

vdbfamily · 08/10/2021 19:21

slightly off topic but I voted YABU because you said paid for by ' occupational health' and I strongly suspect what you mean is that the council granted you funding via a disabled facilities grant, and an occupational therapist wrote a report about what you needed and why.
I am an OT and on our office door is a big sign saying ' WE ARE NOT OCCUPATIONAL HEALTH' !!
Having said that, if your occupational health dept funded your work it is me who is being unreasonable😂

slashlover · 08/10/2021 19:32

If it was me I'd have parked up round the corner out of sight until the time I was expected.

Can you imagine if OPs neighbour was getting work done and a strange van parked outside OPs with no context?

Wallopbang · 08/10/2021 19:35

I said I'd have parked round the corner in my earlier post which a few posters have taken quite literally as me parking outside other people's houses.

That's not what I meant - I used the term loosely and certainly wouldn't do that!

MiloAndEddie · 08/10/2021 19:46

This is actually pretty sad all round.

Two innocent, hard working men being accused of being creepy because they arrived to a job early.

And the OP living a life of fear. Understandable because of past traumas but still sad.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 19:53

@Wallopbang

I said I'd have parked round the corner in my earlier post which a few posters have taken quite literally as me parking outside other people's houses.

That's not what I meant - I used the term loosely and certainly wouldn't do that!

But what is round the corner, if not other people's houses?

I'm sorry, I genuinely don't know where you are saying you'd park?

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/10/2021 19:58

@Wallopbang

I said I'd have parked round the corner in my earlier post which a few posters have taken quite literally as me parking outside other people's houses.

That's not what I meant - I used the term loosely and certainly wouldn't do that!

Yes, of course people have taken your post literally, why wouldn't they? Did you really mean you'd drive until you reached open countryside, to avoid parking on a residential street? Bizarre...
Wallopbang · 08/10/2021 20:16

Depends on the area what's round the corner I guess!

As I said, I used the term loosely and other posters have jumped to the conclusion that "round the corner" = outside other people's houses.

I was a mobile engineer for a utility company so am well versed in arriving early for appointments and needing to kill a bit of time if the customer wasn't ready. I wouldn't just park my van outside theirs or someone else's house and risk having them think of me as odd (like I said I would in OPs position - and similarly if I saw a van parked outside my house with no idea who they are or why they're there)

There are other places to park - not just in front of other houses.

scarpa · 08/10/2021 20:43

OP, your anxiety is making you wildly overreact to this. Understandable given the root of it, but YABU unfortunately.

How do you know one of them didn't have to leave the house early this morning for some reason?

They meant to do a trade warehouse run early before they came to you but then realised they had what they needed so they thought they'll chill outside drinking a brew and scrolling through Facebook until it was time to start.

One of them had a really shit night with a poorly kid and hasn't slept, so the other picked him up early to sit and have a coffee and an escape from a screaming toddler.

One of them had a one night stand and begged the other to come and get him early to avoid a daylight walk of shame and now they're giggling in the van about it like teenage boys.

They planned to go via the head office on the way in to pick up some paperwork but the paperwork wasn't there yet so they were really early.

They have a special Thursday tradition of bacon butties before work.

They usually start at 7 and forgot this was a 3-day job and picked the other up at the usual time, so now they're early and annoyed they could have had another hour in bed.

They were due to make up some hours so they clocked in mega early and then sat in the van for a pissabout til they could start.

They're having an affair and this was the only time they could get together.

SO many plausible (or less so Grin) explanations. I understand your brain takes you from A to Z skipping B and all the others because of your history, but in this case your hypervigilance is almost certainly not necessary (and as a result, your anger/upset isn't either). I know rationalising away anxiety isn't that easy, but I guess that is why you posted here - to hear that you might be overreacting and help you rationalise.

alreadytaken · 09/10/2021 16:31

Hopefully the workmen have now done their job, finished on time and gone home and you've had some time to calm down. They did nothing wrong and it would be wholly wrong to let your anxiety, however understandable, change the commendation.

Onmylastnerve · 09/10/2021 17:30

They probably get there early because they leave early to beat the traffic. Tradesmen are very hard to get, you are lucky. You can’t please everyone.

Morgysmum · 09/10/2021 17:30

Wow, I can see how this is upsetting you, from what you write. Having them outside must be pushing your anxiety levels through the roof.
I use to live in a rural place, so didn't see people outside of the window, when we moved to where we live now, our neighbour, would come through our yard to put his bin out, the first time I saw him, I jumped out of my skin as I was use to it, however fast forward 10 years we have been living here, yet I still jump when I see him walking past the window.
I hope it's over for you soon, then you can have a nice relaxing shower.

Vinomummyinlockdown · 09/10/2021 17:36

Sometimes our tradesmen were early, sat in van writing out invoices etc until it was time to come in. They often were early to do that and avoid traffic.

Americano75 · 09/10/2021 17:52

Technically, yes, YABU. But given your experiences your reaction is entirely understandable. There will almost 100% be a logical explanation but PTSD doesn't respect logic and reason.

mumof2exhausted · 09/10/2021 18:00

8am is a late start for builders! Ours often started at 7am and left at 3pm. I really hope you are getting help for your issues as your response is very far from normal.