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Original poster

Wanting to rehome a dog

158 replies

Newmama93 · 08/10/2021 05:13

I’m in a horrible situation, I’ve rehomed a dog before,I had two dogs, both were XL American bullies, my male was attacking my other female dog repeatively, with a baby on the way we found the male a beautiful property where we see daily photos of him and he is so happy. That almost killed me! DH then proposed to me with another dog for our female as she developed severe seperation anxiety once our male was gone (even though she was scared and hid from him all day prior) I was shocked that he bought another dog and also a big dog which I did not want. Fast forward a year and this dog is aggressive toward other animals, people and kids. He is good with my 6 month old and mum, that is it. I still do t trust him. He is aggressive toward people we have come to the house (friends and family) and I’m so anxious constantly whenever someone wants to come over and see my son.

I am such an animal lover, I donate to a shelter monthly, I would never have imagined giving up my first dog let alone two but I really can’t cope with this aggression. He’s a 60kg dog.

What would you do? I can’t stop crying, I can’t eat. DH is not on board and says just put him outside away from everyone but I’m so anxious someone will accidentally walk outside and I also feel it’s a bad life for him.

Please no judgement - I would never dump my dog at a shelter or anything like that. I’d keep him if we couldn’t find anyone to take him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmama93 · 09/10/2021 12:00

Omg I’m not rushing out my door at 10pm to the nearest rescue, sit down lady.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 09/10/2021 12:10

@Newmama93

Also please keep in mind he is submissive with my other dog, has never shown ANY aggressive toward me, DH or Bub, or my mum. He is a very loving and beautiful dog at home. It’s not like I just have a wild, vicious dog. He is still a loving, sweet dog keep this in mind when everyone is saying put him to sleep, it is very hard to do that to a dog that is perfect with us.
I’ve owned a large breed “aggressive” dog...

IMO, in that situation rehoming is not an option you should be thinking about, it’s actually much crueller than having him PTS and potentially dangerous.

If he’s aggressive with you where he feels safest and the most secure - why do you think giving him to someone else is better? It’s just throwing more stress at him. He’s either going to direct that at the poor person taking him on, or he’s going to get just generally worse.

You need to either manage him much better do there are no incidents, or if you can’t, have him PTS.

icedcoffees · 09/10/2021 12:12

@Newmama93

DH says he can’t believe I would rehome him over even trying the board and train...
In the nicest way, your DH is an idiot.
Suzi888 · 09/10/2021 12:18

I se the dog behaviourists are out in force Grin put to sleep. For gods sake, please don’t get pets if you can’t be bothered to address tough issues.

Dogs can react in the blink of eye. You will not be fast enough - but your DH has made his decision and it doesn’t sound like you get a say. I don’t think your husband wants to admit defeat, he can’t handle the dog. The end.

mangowithasqueezeoflime · 09/10/2021 12:22

My DS is 10m and I find the number of times he crawls on us and accidentaly bashes us in the eye, nose or forehead with his skull is very high. And painful.

I have to be so careful he doesn't bang his head on a cat as it would really hurt our pets- one of which is a rescue and not sure yet about him. And if he did topple I wouldn't put it past either to panic.

He is learning to pet both our cats and is so good and then every so often gets a handful of fur. I have to always have a finger under his hand when he strokes so he doesn't try to pull anything.

This is hard enough with confused and non-aggressive cats. With a dog with fear agression it would be impossible.

Older babies trip and injure pets, they touch sensitive spots, they startle animals and pull fur/ears and the poke eyes. It happens in a second even when you are being careful.

The temperment of the animal, the child and the ability and inclination of the animal to walk away + the care and attention of the parent is all key.

What is easy at 6m is hard at 10m and very very hard at 24m. This is why people on hear are so worried about your child being 2.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 09/10/2021 12:24

@Newmama93

DH says he can’t believe I would rehome him over even trying the board and train...
But you have been trying to train, you said you've spend over $5k trying to train.
Scrollonthroughtherain · 09/10/2021 13:24

So get the dog off to the trainer then. Do something!

Id be very worried about your dh being in charge of dog and baby at the same time considering he's not taking this seriously.

Once your baby starts to crawl and toddle the danger ramps up. You don't have much time.

thebemusedone · 09/10/2021 13:43

What an awful situation, it sounds like your DH has his rose tinted glasses on for this dog rather than you or his own child.
As others have said, I would rehome the dog to a breed specific rescue and not give him the option. Even if you’re holding your child, if something decides to ‘trigger’ him, the dog could easily take you down and your child which is so scary. He may be okay with you now and that may never change or, one day, something might change that. It’s the not knowing that’s so scary.
I’m a massive dog lover and have 2 myself as well as a 19 month old so I get the feeling of not wanting to let them down but I do hope your DH listens to you as the stress can’t be healthy for you, not to mention the possible risk.

RincewindsHat · 09/10/2021 13:47

Yes, rehome.

Apart from the risks to you and your family (I know he's not aggressive towards you but if he has multiple triggers and has anxiety anyway, he will become increasingly unpredictable) your dog deserves to be in a home which meets his needs better and where he's not triggered all the time.

This situation is not worth the stress for you or the dog.

2bazookas · 09/10/2021 14:20

You don't just "dump your dog at a shelter", What you do need to do is contact a shelter, explain the situation in full and ask them to take the dog and rehome it. You can then make a donation to their expenses while he is with them.

Don't get another dog, Consider getting another partner.

RunningFromInsanity · 09/10/2021 15:13

It’s not like I just have a wild, vicious dog. He is still a loving, sweet dog keep this in mind when everyone is saying put him to sleep, it is very hard to do that to a dog that is perfect with us.

Make sure you say that after your dog kills your MIL or baby.

SirenSays · 09/10/2021 15:17

What training have you done? That's an awful lot of money to be getting this result.

EishetChayil · 09/10/2021 15:18

Rehome DP!

Xmassprout · 09/10/2021 15:20

The dog needs to go elsewhere. The dog needs to go to a child free home with someone experienced with the breed and with fear aggressive dogs so they can start addressing the issues. You need to contact rescue shelters and see if they have any foster carers that can take him on. Kennels would most likely make his issues worse

cansu · 09/10/2021 15:20

You seem to be very sure of the dog around your child. This is v foolish. Many of the cases where a dog attacked a child in the home the family all thought the dog was safe. You need to wake up to what could happen. I would also recommend you think about how you will feel if one of your guests is harmed by this dog. Buying a dog to propose is also one of the most stupid things I have heard in a long time.

Muminabun · 09/10/2021 15:26

You have looked after the dog well and made a huge effort to train him. He probably has a strong guarding instinct and is best suited to actually having the job of a guard dog. Contact a rescue and they may be able to find him a suitable new home with someone who needs that type of guarding breed for example a park ranger. There is no shame in it the dog is not best suited to a domestic pet home and that is ok. Your husband on the other hand needs to check his ego and do what is best for the dog. The best family dogs are sweet, medium energy happy go lucky and docile.

icedcoffees · 09/10/2021 15:41

@SirenSays

What training have you done? That's an awful lot of money to be getting this result.
Sadly, you can't necessarily train aggression out of a dog, no matter how much money you spend.

Some kinds of aggression can be managed pretty well - things like resource guarding, or reactivity towards other dogs can be generally be managed safely if you really put the work in, but aggression towards strangers is very, very hard to handle as you can't manage the behaviour and actions of other people.

You can do everything right with the dog, but if they think someone has come into their space, or is threatening them or going to hurt them, it's not always possible to stop them reacting.

Also, dogs are generally much faster than people and a breed like an XL bully is going to be bloody hard work to hold back should it decide to lunge towards someone. They're big, strong, muscular dogs - it's not like handling an aggressive Westie or Chihuahua.

IMO the kindest thing you can do for an aggressive dog is have it PTS. Dogs have no concept of life and death - they don't fear it like we do. But if you re-home an aggressive dog, it's likely to spend it's life going from home to home, rescue centre to rescue centre, until the inevitable happens and it's PTS surrounded by strangers.

As owners, we have to do the hardest thing, which is to decide when it's time to say goodbye. An aggressive, fear-reactive dog is not a happy dog. It would, IMO, be kinder to have it PTS than to put it through a life of re-homing and rescue centres.

Ohwhatfunwehad · 09/10/2021 19:12

Once you have rehome your boy, deal with your girls separation anxiety with a behaviourist. Don't get a second dog, that is not the solution.

Whycangirlsbesonasty · 09/10/2021 21:24

I just don’t understand why anyone would ever bring a dog like this into their home. It’s just unfathomable to me.

Helenluvsrob · 09/10/2021 22:29

What the flip ?
Why do people have such large dogs with aggressive tendencies ?
With a tiny baby in the house that’ll become an annoying toddler soon?

BeenHereForAges · 09/10/2021 23:04

Another vote for removing the dog from your home asap OP. I'm sure nobody is meaning to be rude to you. They are genuinely worried about you and your lovely little boy who I am sure means the world to you. I really hope you sort the situation tomorrow.

Summersun2020 · 09/10/2021 23:12

I’m sorry, he proposed…with a dog?

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/10/2021 23:19

@Summersun2020 verb
past tense: proposed; past participle: proposed
1.
put forward (a plan or suggestion) for consideration by others.

RAFHercules · 10/10/2021 00:08

I think you should safeguard you child and get rid of the dog, and your DH, who sounds stupid.

Summersun2020 · 10/10/2021 08:32

@MyDcAreMarvel yes I know what proposed means, don’t be a dick.
The op isn’t written like “my partner proposed that we get another dog”. It literally says “proposed to me with a dog”. Like got down on bended knee and held out an XL bully.