Is there a stigma in dating single mothers?

[adatingquestion]

Not British, so need some cultural guidance. Also probably quite unexperienced relationship wise, so apologies in advance for a stupid question.

Someone I have been dating for a couple of months now (my first relationship after a couple of years spent single), said that he is unsure about how to introduce me to his friends and family, as being in a relationship with a single mother is likely to raise quite a few eyebrows. For clarity, I did not press him or raise this topic, he just said it when we were discussing friendships in general. I asked why, but he just kept changing the topic without giving a specific answer.

I thought this was going well - progressed organically from just casually knowing each other to friends and then to romance - but now unsure. And, to be honest, almost on the brink of quitting this relationship.

He does not have children himself, I have two (quite young), and the relationship is light years away from them being introduced. My question is whether he hinted that there's some sort of a general stigma, or could he have meant something like "I have never been paternal so they'd be surprised"?

@TurnUpTurnip

There is a stigma, people won’t tell you there is on here possibly to make you not feel bad but there is, I remember typing something into google once and the suggested posts (for what people had searched for) was “why are single mums easy/ why are single mums desperate/ why are single mums so bitter” out of curiosity I replaced mum with dad and it came up with “why are single dads so attractive” I don’t think most people if there honest would want their sons to date a single mum.

And why's that? We're all after Daddy replacements????? Give your head a shake

36 and 59? OP, forget about his views on single mothers. Do you realise that you won’t feel the age difference much until he retires? At that time he would like to be travelling, enjoying life while you still have not as much flexibility as you are still raising your kids.

By the time you are ready to join him in his retirement adventure, he will be 90 years old!

59 is not such an old age for the single mother prejudice, I can assure you it is far more likely people judge him for having a relationship with someone 23 years younger than him than for dating a single mum.

OP, the man's attitude is shit!
Also, the age gap, as PP have said, is not an issue now but later on.....Do you know what happens to couples with such an age gap--one often becomes the other's carer and it is a tremendous burden.
Do you want your retirement years spent looking after this man with his outdated, misogynist attitude to single women with children?

He’s an arsehole for saying it to you, but I don’t blame him for thinking it. If your relationship goes the distance then he’ll become a step parent to your child, so automatically his parents/friends etc will know he’s signing up for an automatic family and much more than just a partner. It’s not necessarily negative but they may be concerned for him or excited even.

The bottom line is this guy is masquerading his contempt about single mothers saying his friends/family may judge.

He doesn’t know if they would judge, it is all a frontage for his own contempt. Being in the same age group as your other half, and knowing how many people are divorced/divorcing at that age, dating a single mum wouldn’t be an issue. We would most likely be concerned about the young woman with kids getting involved with an old fart who we knew had no patience for children.

Unfortunately I think in the UK there is still an expectation on men to be the breadwinner which means there will be men who worry about having to immediately support kids that arent their responsibility. I have personally seen male friends put in this position by women who have plainly just been looking to be supported. Of course that isnt all single mums by any stretch and there are plenty of cocklodgers etc. I just think unfortunately there is that stigma that will make some people wrongly assume that a single mother is after something from the partner.

I am appalled by your update, because he sounds so awful and you sound so nice! What does he mean he has students having a crush on him every year, even in their twenties, most institutions don't encourage relationships between lecturers and students as they are often exploitative. Also, if he's so hot and the students all love him, why is he nearly 60 without a wife or kids?! Think about it. He's trying to make you jealous that you've lost something valuable, I would really beg to differ. He won't find 30 year olds wanting to date and have a family quickly with a 60 year old in the main, so I think he's slightly deluded.

You sound lovely, don't put yourself down, being 'foreign' is irrelevant as some people will love your accent, and I bet you can find someone nice around your own age who isn't a sexist weirdo hitting on his students!