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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think this isn’t what happens to most people?

151 replies

TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 13:25

I was kicked out of home at 16, there was no reason for this, my mum did it with all of her children, once you turned 16 you were out and we weren’t allowed back in, she made us go down to the council and I was put in the most awful hostel. My flat was broken into weekly, they stole everything and I mean everything, even my lamp shades. There was a druggy living above me with his partner and it was him who kept doing it. Police and council wouldn’t help and I was left with it for 2 years, I would come home and my door would be kicked off and the flat ransacked. I ended up getting kicked out of the hostel and evicted because I ran up so much rent arrears as I wasn’t mature enough to be responsible for paying for bills, I was suffering from depression and barely left the flat so before I knew it I was in rent arrears (I was getting HB but I think they suspended the claim at one point) I mentioned now as an adult that I would never throw my children out and they will always have a place at my house but she seems to take great offence to this and maintains that what she did was right, she also says it’s normal and happens to most people. She said most people kick their kids out and if my son plays up she will say things like “and you’ve never going to kick him out when he’s older” 🙄

OP posts:

Chewieboora · 07/10/2021 13:27

Not normal and do you really want to be around her now? She sounds horrible.

Bobsyer · 07/10/2021 13:27

Maybe I’m being naive, but I can’t imagine any instance where I would kick out a child of 16 to fend for themselves.

26, sure.

Your mum was wrong and that is awful. I feel so sorry for little you

FrankButchersDickieBow · 07/10/2021 13:29

Oh my god. No. Not normal AT ALL. Does your mum have mental health issues because that is so beyond the norm.

Aprilx · 07/10/2021 13:30

You surely do not need to ask. You must know people that most people still live with parents after the age of 16.

carebearbaby · 07/10/2021 13:30

YANBU
I am so sorry you had to experience this with no support from your mother. What a disgusting way to treat you. How terrifying for a 16yr old to have to go through this. This is not the norm in my opinion, and experience.

Summerbreeze111 · 07/10/2021 13:30

Thats awful, 16 is very young! I stayed at home until my late 20s and my parents have always made it clear that I would be welcome back home anytime. Their home is my home.

It sounds pretty traumatising, especially for such a young teenager.

Definately not normal.

Why do you think that she insisted her children were to leave home at 16? Was her house overcrowded? Did she struggle for money?

Original poster

TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 13:32

Well I do know people that weren’t but she wouldn’t have any of it, she even brought it up again yesterday then turned to my uncle and said “did your mum kick you out” and he said yes and she said “well there you go say no more then, point proven!”

OP posts:

HarrietsChariot · 07/10/2021 13:33

No it's not normal to kick your child out at any age. If they're 30 and don't want to move out you should still be looking after them.

I suspect your mother's view was once she stopped getting child benefit for you she didn't want the expense of looking after you. You really shouldn't have any contact with her after what she did.

Hopefully when she's old and needs support from her family, you will all remember how vile she was and treat her accordingly.

Original poster

TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 13:33

Why do you think that she insisted her children were to leave home at 16? Was her house overcrowded? Did she struggle for money?

I think a bit of all of that, she was a single parent to 6 in a 3 bed house, she said it was so the council would give us a flat because they wouldn’t otherwise.

OP posts:

weebarra · 07/10/2021 13:34

Not normal. I've worked with young people, some in very difficult situations for 20 years and this is rare unless there are other big issues at home.
I do remember it happening to one girl, just because she turned 16, she was still at school.

Klac30 · 07/10/2021 13:34

No it's not normal. I'm all for encouraging independence but 16 is still sooo young imo and not normal. Even if at 16 you had a nice place to move into it would still be wrong in my eyes but the fact you had to live like that - was your parents aware how bad it was?

I actually moved out at 18-19 into a little flat but it was on my own terms - I wasn't kicked out.

Dp said his that his mum had 8 or 9 siblings (I think) and back in the 60's once they turned 16 they'd be asked to move out to make room. Most of them ended up marrying young (mainly females) and moved in with men to support them (I guess it was normal to get married so young to some degree back then).

16 is still a child!

popgoesthewee · 07/10/2021 13:35

Definitely not normal. How is your relationship with your mum now? Does she bring anything positive to your life?

Sparetyres · 07/10/2021 13:39

Not normal at all 😕 I think like PP said it is probably because your mum stopped getting child benefit. Or maybe she was kicked out at that age too?

HuhWhatNow · 07/10/2021 13:44

My mum is a narcissist and because of this I did end up living on my own at 16. However, it is NOT normal. I wasn't forced out either, I just needed to get out and thankfully, as mum had made me get a job as a child (yes I was 11!) so I wouldn't be reliant on her for anything I needed, I had a work ethic and employment so paid my bills. Just. Minimum wage for a kid was half an adult's yet rent, food and utilities weren't!!

You are lucky in one way. I have the most amazing relationship with my children. They have clothes that are fit for purpose. They get to eat every single day. They get attention. They get love and are listened to. They do as told and as such have a lot of freedoms and trust. And i thank my mum for that, she was a goddamn text book of "What not to do". I suffered so I could do better. If I don't think that way I would weep.

DeireadhFomhair · 07/10/2021 13:44

Definitely not normal, that's terrible!
My eldest will be 16 this month, he still has 2 years of school left - there's no way I would do this. In fact, I'd probably never do it.

QueenBee52 · 07/10/2021 13:48

No not normal...

I'd honestly struggle with a relationship with a woman who caused and allowed me to endure such suffering ..

She's no Mother

idontlikealdi · 07/10/2021 13:48

Of course it's not normal!

Scbchl · 07/10/2021 13:48

No it absolutely isn't normal and as the mum of a 16 year old girl I find it quite horrifying. She is nowhere near mature or ready to move out yet. She's still a child. Cant get my head around how she could do that to you and I honestly don't think she'd be in my life.

I hope you are okay now and have managed to make a nice life for yourself and get over the depression that came from your living situation back then.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 07/10/2021 13:49

I know someone who was forced to move out of the house by his stepdad when he was 16. His mum managed to persuade the stepdad to let him stay in the loft above the garage - it was furnished and had electricity, but the boy wasn’t allowed to set foot in the house. It is absolutely not normal to do this.

MrsRobbieHart · 07/10/2021 13:50

I have a 16 year old. The thought of putting him through what you went through makes me want to cry. I don’t know how you can bear to have any contact with your mother. She’s a vile person.

Original poster

TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 13:52

Yes I was extremely depressed I had left school at 15 as I was bullied so badly that I couldn’t go back, she tried to get me into another school but no one would take me so I was eventually “home schooled” but it was just a computer with an online community of other children that weren’t in school and she had zero involvement with it and never once homeschooled me in anyway, so the child benefit had stopped when I was 16 as I wasn’t in school and I didn’t go to college as I was scared of running into the bullies. Are relationship isn’t great now but I don’t have much family apart from her.

OP posts:

Notfastjustfurious · 07/10/2021 13:53

My brother has a friend that was kicked out at 16 too. She was of the opinion that at 16 her work was done, he ended up on my brothers bedroom floor for months. He has no relationship with her at all now and neither do any of his brothers. Very strange way to parent and not at all normal.

Original poster

TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 13:54

She also brings up now that I left school and will regularly bring it up to shame me and tells random people, when I know of other people that have pulled their kids out of school for being bullied.

OP posts:

Echobelly · 07/10/2021 13:56

So sorry you went through it - there's a chance it was more normal in your parents' generation but at that time it would be more common and likely for 16yos to have full time jobs and for accommodation to be available that was affordable on a minimal wage.

Soubriquet · 07/10/2021 14:00

No! That is not normal at all and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I would never do that to my dc.

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