Aibu to think this isn’t what happens to most people?

[TurnUpTurnip]

I was kicked out of home at 16, there was no reason for this, my mum did it with all of her children, once you turned 16 you were out and we weren’t allowed back in, she made us go down to the council and I was put in the most awful hostel. My flat was broken into weekly, they stole everything and I mean everything, even my lamp shades. There was a druggy living above me with his partner and it was him who kept doing it. Police and council wouldn’t help and I was left with it for 2 years, I would come home and my door would be kicked off and the flat ransacked. I ended up getting kicked out of the hostel and evicted because I ran up so much rent arrears as I wasn’t mature enough to be responsible for paying for bills, I was suffering from depression and barely left the flat so before I knew it I was in rent arrears (I was getting HB but I think they suspended the claim at one point) I mentioned now as an adult that I would never throw my children out and they will always have a place at my house but she seems to take great offence to this and maintains that what she did was right, she also says it’s normal and happens to most people. She said most people kick their kids out and if my son plays up she will say things like “and you’ve never going to kick him out when he’s older” 🙄

It's not normal, it all sounds quite dysfunctional to be honest and I'm sorry you went through that.

You know better and sound like you are going to be a better mum to your children than she was to you.

I would be very low contact to be honest.

This is not normal, it was a horrible despicable thing to do and I don’t know anybody else who suffered like this. I’d show her the thread! And then go NC

Not normal no. I wasn't even anywhere near finished secondary school at that age. My dc will be 19 leaving secondary school so they will be home until at least then!!

This did happen when I was growing up in the 70s. Usual causes were teen pregnancy and conflict with parents. I am from a working class background though ; I did not hear of it happening in middle class families. It was unusual in my experience at that time.

Sadly, the care system threw you out at 18 (and sometimes before). I can remember girl in my class left the children's home at 16 and was placed in a council flat with her baby without any support.

This is not normal and makes me really appreciate how wonderful my parents were.

Most people don't kick their kids out when they are 16.

I do know a variety of people who left home due to abusive parents between 13-16, a couple who ended up homeless at 16/17 due to both parents dying and a few who didn't have homes to go to during the university holidays for a variety of reasons, but most people I know where supported by their parents until they were ready or capable of moving out in their 20s.

Absolutely not normal. Your mother sounds like a cow.

Luckily for me life is fine now. I didn’t get into any bad crowds or drugs etc which could have easily happened living in that place it was honestly awful. I’m settled now. But she brings it up often because I said I would never throw mine out if any of mine ever play out like I said she will use it as an opportunity to say “you won’t kick them out?!” Reading this comments I can see it really isn’t normal, I didn’t get much time to respond as she will talk over me and quickly shut the conversation down and even walk off! I realise I need to go LC with her.

That's really not normal. I'm sorry your mum was so harsh op

It’s not normal to abandon you to social services before you were legally an adult.
She doesn’t sound like a nice person even now. Are all of your family in contact with her?

Hopefully if your mom needs any form of care or help in her old age you’ll leave her to fend for herself!

There was no social worker involvement at all, I don’t think back then they got involved when you was 16? I believe it recently changed to 18? Or if they did they never became involved. No only 3 of her 6 children speak to her but that’s for various other reasons (not this particular thing)

YANBU - honestly this was never normal and I'm so sorry that it happened to you. In my very working class family many 'children' lived at home long past 16 (often into their 30s and 40s) even going back 60 or 70 years - we had a few confirmed bachelors/ spinsters in my mum's family who basically never left home.

My DC are still living with me in their 20s. Although I do often see the view advocatedon MN that children should be kicked out at X age (not usually 16, but often 18 or 21), or that parents should downsize once kids are off to uni etc but I am in no hurry for mine to leave and even when they do they will always be welcome back whenever they want.

No it's not normal. You poor thing

Not normal but she knows it - otherwise she wouldn't be throwing digs at you about not doing it to your children. She would see that as critical of her methods and is defensive because she knows it was wrong.

You already are a far better mother than her and she knows this - and resents you for that.

I would be having nothing to do with her whatsoever

I don’t say this lightly, but your mum is a cunt for this.
And when she asks if you will kick yours out you say no, because I love my kids. And consign her to history.

Definitely not normal. What a horrible thing to go through. I would like my kids to love out by around 22 but only because they need to learn indepence.

Im noticing a pattern of children who were bullied, home schooled (which failed) and then being left to fend for themselves at 16. It all happened to me too. Funnily enough my mum gave me no support with home learning but then blamed me when I couldn’t continue any longer and it all went to shit. My whole education. I ended up going to night college for my GCSE’s when I was 20. The next issue was my stepdad had an affair and told me about it. He said that I had to keep it a secret. I told my mum and then he turned on me and blamed me for it all. She still stayed with him and I was still living in the house but he wouldn’t speak to me, he said that I'm not his daughter anymore. He then told me that I wasn’t part of the family anymore and that none of them wanted me there anymore and to hand my door key back and get lost. So I did, my mum asked me when I was coming home from sleeping at my friends house and I just told her that I wasn’t coming home. How could I? He literally told me I wasn’t allowed and I was scared of him. So she stayed with him even though he kept seeing the other woman (who by the way lived and worked just down the road from us). Eventually a few months later she threw him out for good. He went mad, did a lot of drugs and attacked my mum and many women over the years to follow. He’s been in prison for most of the last 15 years for violence against women. He’s also now on the sex offenders register and my mum became a really bad alcoholic. They both drank anyway but it got a lot worse after he left. I was sleeping on my friends sofa at 16, luckily I never spent a night on the streets, but I did go quite hungry as I had no money. I was forced into terrible situations and it will haunt me forever. We barely speak and I tried and tried with her from 16-25 and it’s been 4 years I haven’t seen her face to face. My little brother and sister suffered being brought up by an alcoholic but at least their father was in prison. So they look at my mum differently, they love her more and they both still live at home. I can’t forgive her for what she allowed to happen to me. Even after he left she was a shit excuse for a mother and all she cares about is alcohol and fags. Nothing and no one else.

So no it’s not normal it’s actually disgusting to kick out a 16 year old. I literally used to cry myself to sleep because I missed my little brother and sister so much. They didn’t understand why I wasn’t coming home. I remember asking if I could come to visit them and my mum text me (probably him using her phone) to say they were having a family dinner and not to come around. I literally cried so hard that day. I partly raised my siblings due to them two selfish fucks being at the pub most if our lives. Im 30 years old now and Im tearing up just writing this. Your mum doesn’t sound very nice, she should look after you, not leave you to fend for yourself at 16. Im wondering why she thinks it’s normal, was she also told to leave her mums house at a young age? Sending you my thoughts and in fact everyone who has commented with similar stories. If I ever have children I will always protect them the way I never was. xx

So many awful stories on this thread. So many parents who should never have been left in charge of a goldfish, let alone a child.

TurnUpTurnip what your Mum did was awful and negligent. She did not have the skills required to be a good parent and did not appear to have the inclination to try to be. Her aspirations for you seemed to revolve around ‘helping’ you to get a council flat, at which she considered her job was done. She sacrificed your well-being and education to secure this for you. You were perfect and capable of anything but this was the only life she had the experience to imagine for you.

Don’t be shamed by her. You were the child and your ‘failings’ were actually hers. She will never be able to admit this to herself, but deep, deep down she’ll know it is true.

Not remotely normal.

I am unsurprised to read she doesn't listen and actively shuts you down.

She is a terrible excuse for a parent and I feel sad for you.

I had to buy my school uniform & pay my Saturday job £ as 'rent' from age 16. Age 18, the day my A levels finished I was told to go.

My brother stayed until he left aged 26. He moved to the house his Grandmother had left (not to him, to my parents, they gave it to him)

I found it hard living in a bedsit age 18, yet alone somewhere awful aged 16. I am so sorry this happened to you OP. It's not normal.

I have two kids. If I have a roof they will. For good.

That is horrible. Any decent mother wouldn’t do this. I’m surprised you still want anything to do with her to be honest. It makes you wonder why she bothered to even have children in the first place

I don’t know anyone this has happened to for what it’s worth

No. I've never heard of that before. My sons left home in their twenties - the youngest because he got engaged at 27 and went to live with his fiancee's family! I wouldn't dream of kicking them out.