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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this isn’t what happens to most people?

151 replies

TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 13:25

I was kicked out of home at 16, there was no reason for this, my mum did it with all of her children, once you turned 16 you were out and we weren’t allowed back in, she made us go down to the council and I was put in the most awful hostel. My flat was broken into weekly, they stole everything and I mean everything, even my lamp shades. There was a druggy living above me with his partner and it was him who kept doing it. Police and council wouldn’t help and I was left with it for 2 years, I would come home and my door would be kicked off and the flat ransacked. I ended up getting kicked out of the hostel and evicted because I ran up so much rent arrears as I wasn’t mature enough to be responsible for paying for bills, I was suffering from depression and barely left the flat so before I knew it I was in rent arrears (I was getting HB but I think they suspended the claim at one point) I mentioned now as an adult that I would never throw my children out and they will always have a place at my house but she seems to take great offence to this and maintains that what she did was right, she also says it’s normal and happens to most people. She said most people kick their kids out and if my son plays up she will say things like “and you’ve never going to kick him out when he’s older” 🙄

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 07/10/2021 14:01

No - it's not normal.

I don't know why you would continue to be around and have your own children around such a horrible toxic person pouring poison in their ears and into their minds.

She is not a good influence.

I'm pleased that you have decided not to be anything like her but don't have your children around her. She isn't nice.

If you come back with "But she is their grandmother", it doesn't mean that she is a positive influence or a nice person to be around.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 07/10/2021 14:02

I have no idea why you still want her in your life

Anonymous48 · 07/10/2021 14:03

That sounds awful! And definitely not normal.

I could start to understand it (although not agree with it) if it was at the age of 18 when you become a legal adult. But at 16 you're still, both legally and practically, a child, and it's a parent's responsibility to care for their children.

cinnamonbunnings · 07/10/2021 14:03

How dare she shame you? Shame her back. You don’t deserve it, but she absolutely does. How old are you now op?

Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 14:04

Because I am a single mum to 4 children, their father isn’t involved at all and I have no other help with my children. So it isn’t that easy to cut her off, she is the only help I have with them so LC is the best I can go.

OP posts:
Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 14:04

I’m 32

OP posts:
FinallySomeNormality · 07/10/2021 14:07

I'm 32. This is certainly not normal where I live. Not a single friend or person I know had this happen to them.

On the contrary... most of us ended up living with parents well into our 20s after uni as we couldn't afford to move out!

OldWivesTale · 07/10/2021 14:08

You poor thing. No, not normal at all. My children will always have a room at my house no matter how old they are. At 16, you really were still a baby. I'm sorry, OP.

greenflower1 · 07/10/2021 14:08

Same happened to me but I was 14 so went into care and luckily got some support such as a social worker and a flat at 16 they tried to send me back home before I was 16 so I go down the hostel route but I was able to fight this and stay in care. It wasn't easy tho and I almost lost my flat at 19 as paying bills etc - I wasn't mature enough and had no real support. Me and mums relationship isn't the same.

You're stronger because of this and can be a better mum to your kids than your mum was for you!

Coronawireless · 07/10/2021 14:09

I would love to give 16 year old you a hug. What a harsh life you have led. I hope there is a lot of happiness in your future.

JustLyra · 07/10/2021 14:12

@TurnUpTurnip

Well I do know people that weren’t but she wouldn’t have any of it, she even brought it up again yesterday then turned to my uncle and said “did your mum kick you out” and he said yes and she said “well there you go say no more then, point proven!”
Is your uncle her brother?

If so it sounds like that’s the way she was brought up. It doesn’t excuse it at all, but may explain it a little.

gwenneh · 07/10/2021 14:13

It's not normal, no.

I know one person maybe two? that left home voluntarily at 16, but that is quite a different set of circumstances.

Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 14:13

No my uncle who she asked is my dads brother but they were both put into care by their mum so she probably sees herself as not as bad

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 07/10/2021 14:14

Not at all normal. Did she lose child benefit when you turned 16?

MrsR87 · 07/10/2021 14:15

I’m pretty much the same age if you and I don’t know a single person who this has happened to. I’m sorry you had to go through it!

LimitIsUp · 07/10/2021 14:15

It's dysfunctional, not normal. I am sorry for what you went through

lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 07/10/2021 14:16

This is one of the saddest, heartbreaking stories I have ever heard, I am so very sorry this happened to you.Flowers Of course its not normal. I’m surprised you still soeak to your ‘m’. Sad

Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 07/10/2021 14:16

Yes she lost the child benefit and didn’t get maintenance for us so it was probably mainly to do with money.

OP posts:
Fernando072020 · 07/10/2021 14:17

Your mum is vile. I'm sorry you went through that. It's not normal in the slightest. I'm 32 and moved out a long time ago but my mum would have me back whenever if I needed it.

skatewanker · 07/10/2021 14:18

Your DM is a horrible cunt.

WeeWelshWoman · 07/10/2021 14:18

Not normal.

Why do you still have a relationship with her? But her off for your MH and that of your children.

actiongirl1978 · 07/10/2021 14:18

It happened to a school friend who was kicked out in lower sixth.

I believe she was looked after and sorted out by the very kind principal at college.

I remember being absolutely appalled that a mum would kick out a child. My parents begged me to move back home after uni and were hurt when I rented a flat instead.

At 16 I wouldn't have had a clue. That's heartless, uncaring and I think neglectful.

WeeWelshWoman · 07/10/2021 14:18

*cut not but

MarshmallowSwede · 07/10/2021 14:20

No it’s not normal to kick your child out! 16 is still very young! By displacing you at such a young age she inserts your further education.

I know it’s your mother, but she is in complete dereliction of duty in her role as a mother.

And she should be ashamed that she put you in danger by making you live in an unsafe environment. I’m surprised that you even have anything to do with her. That’s just poor parenting.

VanillaIce1 · 07/10/2021 14:20

Normal for me and many others where I grew up. It's not normal for now all the decent kind people I know. It seems to be families who shouldn't of had kids who think like this it's cruel selfish and disgusting. It doesn't make a child stand on their own two feet, it makes the child resent them and can break them and give them serious issues.